Hi, everypony...I need advice. D:

[DoctorWhooves]

So....I've been going out with this guy for a little over two years. I really do like him a lot and I think he does too (I mean, two years is a long time) but we live far away from each other so we don't get to see each other as often as we'd like meaning I'm still almost as awkward and shy and all blushy over everything as the first few weeks of dating. *sigh*

He's a lot bolder though than I am and is really touchy-feely, but he doesn't seem to understand why I get all stuttery and uncomfortable when he does and so I think it hurts his feelings so I feel bad about it. I try explaining to him that some of the things he does makes me uncomfortable and I'd rather him not be doing it, but he says that it's not a very good reason and that I'm just not used to it so he does it again anyway.

It's not like he does anything bad exactly, its just things that I'm not comfortable with and I wish he'd respect my personal space a bit more, yet I can't seem to get that across to him.

Because we live far away, I can't really see him too much so making date plans is difficult and my dad doesn't really care for me dating at all so he usually tries to deter our meetings if he can help it.

I just really don't know what to do. I love this guy. He's nice, funny, a bit of a prankster, and he's really boosted my confidence. But he makes me uncomfortable and uneasy to the point where I almost get sick or dizzy when I go to see him and I also don't want to have my dad's disapproval. I've even sort of thought about breaking up with him especially since we'll both be going to college soon in different states and we'll be able to see each other even less.

What should I do?

(Also I'm really, really, really sorry for dumping my problems on you guys. But I need advice or at least someone to talk to to get this off my chest... D: )

[Conor Colton]

Well...this is a problem...

And don't feel bad about 'dumping' your problems here...It is a community f relatively friendly people so you have nothing to worry about.

Sorry to hear that you're in such a bad position right now, and the only thing I really can offer is advice so...here goes.

If you like this guy, great, fantastic. But if he's making you feel uncomfortable in anyway, you need to tell him off about it. You said he's helped to boost your confidence so use that confidence to set...well...not boundaries per say, just lay down a line that he knows he shouldn't cross or he'll just make you uncomfortable and you obviously don't like that.

And if you're dad doesn't approve right now, I'm sure he'll come around eventually. I very much doubt he's doing this strictly out of spite for you or him, he's a parent after all so he probably doesn't want you getting hurt with this sort of long distance relationship. If he is doing this out of spite then just forget about him, 'cause if a parent acts like that then they wouldn't be worth the bother.

But, above all else...Just do what makes you happy I guess...If he makes you feel uncomfortable at times then tell him and don't accept any other argument or get pushed over, if you have a problem with it, voice it. If he cares about you then he'll take it in a mature and orderly manner...That's all I can really say...

Hope it helped somewhat.

[weesh]

I think it is important to attempt to understand why you feel uncomfortable with the touchy-feely-ness.

One one hand, I used to hate myself, and thus could not understand why anyone else could love me. When I met a girl who hugged everyone she saw, I dispised her. I felt like she was violating my personal space, and I was angry that she wouldn't take no for an answer. I don't think what she did was acceptable, but she did make me feel loved and it was part of my healing process. I am much more huggy nowadays.

On the other, friends listen to their friends and respect them. If you have clearly stated that you are uncomfortable, and he is ignoring or brushing off your objections, then your relationship may not be in the most healthy place.

[DoctorWhooves]

Thanks for listening guys. *hug*

I've tried telling him that it makes me uncomfortable and I've tried being more assertive, but I guess maybe I'm not assertive enough? I don't know. He doesn't seem to listen. He goes on and on about it. It worries me that he is so forceful sometimes but I still love him a lot and I don't want to think that I might have to break up with him over something like that. It just seems kind of harsh, you know?

[Conor Colton]

Yeah, I can see where you're coming from...

But like Weesh and I said...if he refuses to listen then make it VERY clear to him about you feeling uncomfortable...Like don't take any other answer other than that he'll be more careful next time for your sake.

But you do love him a lot and if he feels the same way then I'm sure it could be worked out...Long distance relationships are still relationships and they need a mutual understanding and respect to work.

Don't know if this advice is actually helping but there it is regardless.

[DoctorWhooves]

No, you guys are really helping. It feels good to know someone's listening to even a silly little issue like this.

I just don't know how to get through to him. I want to be stern, but at the same time I'm afraid I'll hurt his feelings or something. *shrug* I dunno.

[starswirlthebearded]

I know exactly what you need!

You need help from this guy:

“Treat me like a pushover, and you'll get the once over.”

OK, Seriously... I am not that much of a close contact person, it takes a while for me to get there. I became better because of one friend, kind of like Weesh, only she was more respectful. If she saw that I was uncomfortable, she laid off.

However, you really just need to assert yourself, and show him that there are consequences for not listening to you. Now I'm not saying be mean about it, but if you know him well, you should be able to know what will hit close to home and make him listen to you without being vindictive or mean spirited to get the message across.

[DoctorWhooves]

I know exactly what you need!

You need help from this guy:

“Treat me like a pushover, and you'll get the once over.”

OK, Seriously... I am not that much of a close contact person, it takes a while for me to get there. I became better because of one friend, kind of like Weesh, only she was more respectful. If she saw that I was uncomfortable, she laid off.

However, you really just need to assert yourself, and show him that there are consequences for not listening to you. Now I'm not saying be mean about it, but if you know him well, you should be able to know what will hit close to home and make him listen to you without being vindictive or mean spirited to get the message across.

Lol who's that again? I've seen him before, but not the episode. xD

I suppose I'll have to. I'm just so so so afraid he'll take it the wrong way and think I'm being mean. Eugh...I don't understand guys at all. >_<

[ZeroHero]

Like the others have said, if you don't like it, it needs to stop. Talk to him about it and try to find something else the two of you can enjoy together instead. Communication is key here and you need to be able to find common ground - not just give into him to make him happy.

[DoctorWhooves]

Like the others have said, if you don't like it, it needs to stop. Talk to him about it and try to find something else the two of you can enjoy together instead. Communication is key here and you need to be able to find common ground - not just give into him to make him happy.

Okay, I was able to see him today and he wasn't as forceful...but I still had trouble getting my point across. I suppose it'll just take practice. I'll work on it.

Thanks, everypony, for your kind words and help~