I'm really writing this to collect my thoughts on the matter that had transpired. Basically this blog entry is entirely self serving so I can collect my thoughts and have a record of it. Whether anyone enjoys reading my ramblings is entirely up to them.
To begin with, I was never really interested in applying for cast. I had a list of two possible [that I thought I could effectively play and potentially enjoy playing them]... Celestia and Twilight. And really wasn't sure. I was going to app Twilight if I had time, but that never panned out due to time constraints and Steel won, and so I was left with Celestia. I wrestled with the idea of applying for a while never really sure how to tackle it. I had a few ideas from abstract to concrete. Then... the Codaxia was updated with a closing date...
And so I was forced to make my app, or rather at least try, and make my choice on how to do the character and her app. After research and deliberation I decided to take concrete route and just do the lore thing. Really, I was disappointed in the result. I felt that it was sloppy and didn't flow well as prose. Not only that, due to my writing style it read more like a history book than a character bio, granted I did like how I connected everything. But all the same I manned up and sent it in. I wasn't not going to after the several days I spent researching and writing and basically going insane over this app. I suppose my self critique was overly hard on myself, but hey, I am rarely fully satisfied with what I write. I mean I've been happy with a few of my OCs, but this was different, and I really wholly didn't like my result. (also a few other members who proofread my app basically said I'd be mad if I didn't *shrug*)
Then came the prompt... at the worst possibly time... when I was working 3 days straight and had barely any time. I was told 48 hours so I threw something together, the most generic thing I could think of, but it worked well enough, at least I thought so... And really it was, but to me, it wasn't something that I'd vote on, so I really never expected anyone to vote for my app. I really wasn't happy, in the end, with either my app or my prompt... so I figured with at least 2 other people I knew apping my goose would be cooked so to speak.
And then I had the advantage and privilege of seeing the voting transpire [ah the pleasures and stress associated with being RPH]... To say that it was a confidence booster would be an understatement [also enormously stressful]. I thought I might get one or two votes... I ended up taking exactly half. By half I mean I made it a tie with Jane who eventually got the character. I'm not really going to say much about what transpired behind closed doors, but really I was shocked [and technically I almost won, which to me would have been hilarious since I never thought my work was near that good]. And it went into a tie breaker round... 2 days after it was supposed to... Which lead to the same problem as the first... no time and a time limit that I had to deal with [though this time it was an actual social life than having to work]. I ended up losing the second vote by a pretty large margin.
Reflecting on it, all I can wish is having more time for the prompts. I mean I understand why there is a time limit, you need to be able to post a certain amount with cast characters, and I'm sure my posting speed would not mesh well with a high tier character like Celestia, but at the same time I felt like I only gave half a performance. The hilarious thing is that both my prompts still gained some praise, which baffled me. I've never really considered myself a fantastic RPer, or even a good one compared to some other of my roleplay compatriots. But really this experience made me rethink that.
I'm really not sad that I lost, frankly with the prompt performance that I gave I deserved to lose, especially the second one, which looking back on I just couldn't think of a way to complete the prompt properly so it was basically half done in a way (not entirely, I'd say closer to 75% done), but at the same time I feel like it showed me that I'm really a decent RPer. I may never apply for cast again, but I'll still enjoy RPing with the characters whose voices I created and are living in my head [which is far easier anyhow].
I really do think I'm done apping for cast, at least for now. Maybe if Tia or Twi opens again I'll go for them again, or if that middle ground RP area opens I'll go for either of them and perhaps a certain villain... But really I can't say that I'm particularly driven to. This was a good experience, but I don't feel an over abundance of need to repeat it.