Pony_Sage

Sooty leered at the grey pony, who was looking rather dejected as he sat upon his haunches. She didn't care for this pony, there was something off about him. Maybe it was his city up-bringing or maybe it was the way he carried on about Coal's working. Sooty scoffed at the wiry pony as she flitted over to another rafter, closer to the warmth of the Vulcan Forge. As the steel flowed into the mold Coal pressed a heavy hoof down on the top of the sand, making sure to keep all the broken pieces in place. "Akh, Dun yeh lehv whan eht flems lehk deht?" Coal 's voice was filled with glee and an odd grin was on his muzzle. This was, after all, his favorite part of the job. The chassis of the press at the moment was being knitted together beneath the black sand. The molten steel was filling the gaps and slowly hardening. Coal glanced over his shoulder at the dejected pony mumbling to himself in the corner. He trotted over to Chase and gave him a hard pat on the shoulders, stopping only for a moment to give him a wink of his eye. Trotting over towards a pail in to corner, he reached down and picked it up in his mouth, its contents sloshing from side to side making the sound of a small ocean. Coal placed the bucket next to the sand mold, this part was tricky, if he poured the water too soon it would deform the steel, too late it would not temper it correctly. As the tell tale smoke started to rise from the sand mold's flash point Coal quickly poured the water into the boxes. An audible hiss could be heard as steam rose from his general direction. The sand quickly lost its coherence and fell from the sides of the chassis, revealing a fixed but not yet finished printing chassis. "Lekkeh Her, Ahlmest gehd ahs neh!" Coal hefted the chassis up onto one of his stump workstations, with a clang the tools on the side of the stump jangled. Pulling a chisel out he pressed it against the flash on the side of the chassis. With a swift fore-hoof smack on the top of the chisel the flash went shooting across the workshop, at this Coal laughed, sometimes the smaller details slipped his mind. Next up was a filing, with a rather rough looking rasp in his mouth Coal began to make the flash around the edges smooth and contoured. The whole process of finishing the piece took somewhere near an hour or so. Coal was hoping that Chase would be appreciative of his newly fixed printing chassis as the big Roan pony pointed to the object with a hoof and said with excitement, "Ahn eht eez dune! Hew yah leek eht?" A big smile was on Coal's muzzle, he really did hope that this fancy pony liked his work, maybe even enough to recommend it to his fancy city slicking friends!

"Assessed!" Thus spake the Sage.

Hay there again. We are currently making a site wide push to use 'Title tags' instead of the 'Bracket Tags' system. If you open up your original post in the full editor you will notice up at the top you can edit the title of this thread. Please do so and remove any 'Bracket Tags' such as [Pegasus] or [Final]. There is a second field underneath the title editor in which you can put 'Title Tags'. Please fill this field out to reflect your applications current status. Thank you in advance! ~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

"Assessed!" Thus spake the Sage.

Hay there Lilia, I thought that I would wander by and lend a helping hoof. You have the basic skeleton of a good application here, although I would like to see a bit more. There isn't much in the way of her personality. Does she have any particular quirks or habits? Is she a feminine mare, or is she tom-boyish? As an editor I would imagine that she is a very determined individual. You might also want to expound upon her cutie-mark story a bit. Was it just the act of reviewing the magazine that was the trigger, or was there more to it? How long did it take her to become the editor of the magazine? Did she work her way up through the ranks, clawing her way to the top? A little detail in her back-story, and some more on her personality would go a long way! As I said you have the basic skeleton of what should be here, just put some meat on the bones! Hay there again. We are currently making a site wide push to use 'Title tags' instead of the 'Bracket Tags' system. If you open up your original post in the full editor you will notice up at the top you can edit the title of this thread. Please do so and remove any 'Bracket Tags' such as [Pegasus] or [Final]. There is a second field underneath the title editor in which you can put 'Title Tags'. Please fill this field out to reflect your applications current status. Thank you in advance! ~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Hay there, I thought I would stop by to lend a helping hoof. You have pretty much everything down pat, although there are a few little things that you might want to take a look at. The first being that if she had been struck by lightning, even a little bit of it, she would have had a serious injury. Maybe she could have been inspired by the lightning without being struck by it? Also there isn't much in the way of her personality, I would really like to see what kind of pony she is aside from her weather-pony duties. Is she quiet and reserved, or is she outspoken and boisterous like the lightning she loves so much? Is she a very feminine Mare or is she more of a Tom-boy? Just some ideas there for you. Also there isn't an actual cutie-mark story, you should probably work one up for Blue Bolt here. Cutie-marks are a very personal revelation for the pony. Maybe she received it when she first successfully created her lightning storm? That does not seem like an easy task, and one that might be worthy of her getting her cutie-mark! The cutie-mark story and the the personality will give Blue Bolt here more depth and make her a more playable character. Once you take a look at these, I am sure that this will be a Grade-A app!! ~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Hey there, I like the progress on this application, just two things. Under the origin field it still says that he lives in Ponyville, I know this just got looked over when you edited the app last and I just wanted to bring it to your attention. Now as for his name, it just does not sound very pony-like to me. It is much closer than his previous name, but still not quite there. I'm going to quote another user here because her suggestion is a very good one; Maybe after you look over that list you will get some inspiration for a great pony name! ~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

"Assessed!" Thus spake the Sage.

I like the down-to-equestria idea, it makes him more playable and easier to interact with. Again I hate to tell you but the three names really can't stay. The nick name is a clever play on words, I understand, alas Leonardo and Isaac are too human of names and just don't fit with this OC it seems. Flutterscotch pointed out a great place to come up with names if you want a two part, but I really think that Gearling fits this pony perfectly. So while you are editing his motivation if you could edit his name as well, it would be greatly appreciated. ~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

'YAY!!! They want to know more about my designs!!! Oh frabjous day!!' Rivet let out a silent squeak as she pranced in place. 'Stop that! This is a professional gathering, act your age!' She scolded herself as she snapped back to reality and nervously looked about hoping no one saw her joy dance. Just for this occasion she had, when she was dressing, neatly folded a blueprint of one of her contraptions into a neat tiny square and stashed it in her saddle. 'This is the perfect design to have brought!' She thought as the type-writer sprang to life. “Have blueprint, can show, so interesting, more efficient, more powerful, faster, better.” The short note read as it was passed between Lola and Snowfall. Rivet reached back with a green tendril of magic and plucked the blueprint out of her saddle. The nearby table would be a perfect place to spread it out, once the condiments had been cleared off, which Rivet did with an eager hoof. The blueprint had been folded so tightly to fit in her saddle that she had an awful time of unfolding it. Slowly but surely the blueprint grew in size as the folds relinquished their hold on the thin paper. Astonishingly the paper took up most of the table, the white pen on the blue paper traced unique and intriguing lines that joined to make magnificent patterns. The designs seemed to be of a steam engine, but something was drastically different from the classic in-line piston set up of most steam engines. The pistons were clustered in a circle around an eccentric crankshaft that seemed to terminate rather quickly. “Have been looking into steam turbines. Interesting applications, amazing speed, great for aircraft. But too big, require too much steam. Would need to much water, too big of a boiler, only work for massive ships and for short periods of time. Still years away from practical use. I made this instead. 'Halo Drive'.” The note read as it was placed on the table. Rivet's mouth mimicked the motion of saying 'Halo Drive.' Lost in thought she continued to type. “In-line pistons, good, but not enough energy transferred to props. Loss in length of crankshaft, bulky. 'Halo Drive' Removes problem. Puts pistons and cams right outside eccentric crankshaft. Direct energy transfer. Less loss, shorter length. Pistons right behind props. Can achieve greater speeds. Since air has less resistance than water, better for airships. Greater speed equals faster ships equals more cargo runs equals more money. Would need to retrofit entire ship, take out old engine, assemble new ones, put on, reroute steam pipes. Lots of work, but really worth it. Trims around 1-2 tonnes from ship's displacement. Lighter means faster. Have most parts, can order ones I don't have to be fabricated. Whole job on medium class cargo vessel, takes about a month.” This note was one of the longest that she had written in a long time. Rivet's hoof traced the lines on the paper to exemplify some points that the note made. This was, to be sure, a major advance in steam engine propulsion for the airship industry, Rivet was hoping against all odds that her designs would impress these two magnates and she might get her name out there, or better yet, her engine.

I popped in to help you out with the title as I can see that BlindJester seems to already be helping you with the application its self. To edit the title, click the edit button at the bottom of the source post, when it gives you the option to have more options for editing, click that. Next you will need to look at the very top of this page with the expanded editor on it. There will be a field with the current title. You can edit the title from there, and it will be saved when you submit changes! I hope this helps you out! ~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

I like the work you have put into this character. I see a bunch of development since I last commented. I was actually hoping that this pony would get finished up soon, she seems like a great addition to the the "Mane" RP. Remember, when you are finished editing your app change the [WIP] tag to a [Final] tag. She seems like a wonderfully developed and very dynamic pony! ~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

"Assessed!" Thus spake the Sage.

I like the work you have done, but please change the post's topic to reflect the character's new name. This can be done by editing the primary post, opening up the full editor and at the top editing the post's title. Thank you! ~Sage AkA Freddie Freewinds

This is a well developed character, everything is here and where it needs to be. The only thing I am going to ask is change teenage daughter to fillyage, since we really don't know how ponies age, and at the end of the cuite-mark story if you could just append something along the lines of "With a tingle and a spark on his flank, his cutie-mark appeared!", because it kinda blends in with the rest of the back story as it stands. Other than those two small things, everything seems in tip top shape! ~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Hello there! Another Stalliongrad pony, and a mechanically inclined one top boot, very nice. I am sad to inform you but you can not have a three part name, just too cluttered. Also Leonardo, while it is an interesting name, doesn't sound very pony-like and we are trying to shy away from first and last names. I do, however, really like the name Gearling, it really fits him as a pony! As for the "Mane" RP, I am sure that you can fit him in, "Mane" RP just have more stringent rules outlining what you should and shouldn't have as a pony, and as it stands nothing seems out of place other than his name. You have a pretty good background and the cutie-mark story is rather funny but it works well at the same time. I don't see much of a personality however. What makes this pony tick? Why does he like technology, what drives him to create these contraptions? Did he see one when he was a foal and just fell in love with the design? Or is it an attempt to make mundane tasks easier? Maybe he has a repair shop in Stalliongrad, or maybe he works for a big firm that repairs many different sorts of items. There are a lot of fun ways you could take this pony and I hope to see him come to completion soon! ~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Hello there, just thought I would stop by and lend a helping hoof. First things first, could you please bold the field tags such as, Eye Colour:, it makes reading the application much easier. Also if you take a look at this thread you will notice that Ponyville is getting a little crowded, there are many locations for Gerald here to live. As for his relation to Doctor Whooves, the cast policy stands. Doctor Whooves has been tagged as cast for our extended universe cannon, unfortunately Gerald here can not be related to the good Doctor. You can, however, play out a relationship with him in an RP as you see fit. Their previous relationship has to go, I am sorry. I like where this pony is going however! I am sure that once you rework the app you will have a bit more to work with in the way of a back story. You might want to expand upon why he likes to repair things and how he got his cutie-mark. Also what does the cutie-mark mean to him, since it is a very personal rite of passage. Giving the character a back story is a very important part of the application, it gives you something to base all of his personality and actions upon. Also I don't see much in the way of his personality. Is he driven and focused, or is he lackadaisical about his work? Is he super organized or helter-skelter when he fixes things? These are some things to think about when crafting his personality. Personality gives your character depth and makes them more of a dynamic character to play. I read that you are in the process of re-working the application, but I figured I would give you some pointers to think about in the mean time! ~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

"Assessed!" Thus spake the Sage.

"Assessed!" Thus spake the sage.

"Assessed!" Thus spake the Sage.

She looks good to me! Remember, be sure to change the topic tag from [WIP] to [Final] when you think Melody Night here is ready to be assessed! ~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

At its current rate Ponyville is quickly becoming overpopulated, and isn't quite the quaint small town that it once was. There are more than a few quaint rural towns throughout Equestria, Solstice Heights is actually a small quaint rural town, also Appleloosa is a budding rural town. For that matter she could live in a home off to the edge of one of the forests, that way she could be self sufficient and and still be close to a town! Let me pose a question to you, Does Ponyville have any special significance to your pony in either her back story or the character's development? If not then it would be easy to pop her over to a less populated area. Again this does not mean that she cant visit and sing in Ponyville and sing there, it just means that she lives in the other town. This helps the actual Role Play proliferate throughout the entirety of Equestria so we don't get too many ponies living in one area and never leaving there. As afore mentioned, Ponyville is getting very over populated and the image of the quaint little rural town that it once was is in a state of flux. As it stands the infrastructure of Ponyville would have a very hard time of sustaining all the ponies that currently live there. ~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Pinstripe is almost there!! The finish line is in sight! I just want to ask, since she lives in Fillydelphia (Which is a great town!) and Miss Canvas' Art Studio is in Ponyville, does she commute to work? Because that is an awful long way to go for a job, especially when she could open up a similar one right in her home town! I'm not saying that she can't commute but rather asking, why would she. She seems to be a very capable painter, maybe she could open up a school of her own and visit her mentor in Ponyville occasionally? Just some Ideas to go on there! ~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Hey there! I like the progress that I have seen, and there are only a few minor changes that might help out. First you spelled trombone incorrectly, nothing major at all I know I spell horridly. Also after the salutation of Miss there does not need to be a period, there only needs to be a period if you use Ms. Blank, such as that. One last thing, Ponyville now-a-days has been getting rather congested you might want to move Pinstripe here to another city on the map! There are bunches of fun cities all throughout Equestria that would fit her rather nicely! This does not mean that she can not visit Ponyville, or anywhere else on the map, it just means that she lives in the other city! Just some tips for you to think about! ~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Hey there, just thought that I would throw my two bits in to help you out! First thing you want to change is the age, since we don't know how ponies age we use the Eauestrian terms instead. Such as Foal, Colt or Filly, Stallion or Mare, or Elderly Stallion or Mare, I would say that she is a Young Mare as it stands. I would also suggest outlining where she grew up with one of the wonderful places on our map! It gives the character a little more depth, and I am sure that you can find somewhere that suits your idea of her home town. On to Ponyville, unfortunately it is getting a little bit crowded, keep in mind that if your pony lives in another town, such as Manehatten or Fillydelphia, she can still visit Ponyville and make appearances there, she just lives in another area. I like her mane, but you describe it well enough without having to resort to using Pinkamina's mane as an analog. Next up, I would give her a little bit more of a back story, you do have her personality and a bit of her back story, but it is just missing a little detail. How did her parents react to her decision to move out and start her career? For that matter why did she move out? Giving that more detail would be great and add to her basic framework immensely! Other than that it is a pretty good app that just needs some more filling out! I hope to see it come to fruition soon! ~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings