Mojo

Hi MisterRe!

Examining your app, it shows a lot of promise. All of the required fields are filled, that's a good thing.

However, this app does seem to have quite a few grammatical errors in it. One example in this sentence: "On multiple occurrences, he tends to borrows these 'toys' with asking his parents and often this would get him in trouble." I think you meant to write "borrow these 'toys' WITHOUT asking" here, correct?

Also, I feel the need to point out that one cannot produce ice cream using a whisk as their primary kitchen tool. To truly make homemade ice cream, churning is a must and this kind of churning motion would be extremely difficult to make with just a whisk. Now whipped cream can be produced with a whisk (and normally is by chefs) but not ice cream.

And there are no 'trucks' in the WOE. The common rule of technology for WOE RP is that if we haven't seen it in the cartoon, then it doesn't exist. So, sadly, there would be no such thing as a 'ice cream truck' in Equestria. An ice cream WAGON? Yeah, that could exist, but not a truck per se.

I would suggest that you reread this app very carefully, correct the grammatical errors and other things mentioned above. This is a great character concept, just needs a bit more work to make it acceptable in the WOE RP.

[colour=#8B4513]"Blimey! Ya think I'm tryin' ta trick ya?" [/colour]Mojo asked, surprised at his new friend's response before returning to his calm, cool demeanor. [colour=#8B4513]"Look Flax, I can see why you're so bummed out after dealin' with a pair of squares like the Flim Flam's. But I'm not like those two hooligans, pal. I'm Mojo, the Pony of Peace! Tryin' ta take advantage of other ponies ain't cool and robbin'm of their stuff is even more uncool. I'd never do that! Besides, like I told ya before, I don't own a farm, don't want one! I stay on me own family's farm when I'm not on the road, and I sell me family's produce and food items. All I was tryin' ta do is offer ya a helpin' hoof in sellin' your groovy health care items. Ya seem to be a bit down so I wanted ta try ta cheer ya up. That's all."[/colour]

Although Asteria's response disappointed Saddlesore, he smiled since the blue Earth stallion was expecting her to say something like this. He truly wanted to communicate with the lovely unicorn mare, and he wasn't going to give up trying. He thought hard to come up with what he believed would be an appropriate response.

[colour=#0000FF]"Miss Stillheart, do you perceive that this evening's sky luminenance is of a bright or dimmer quality than the average night sky where you live? Of course, the varying degrees of moonlight are in direct relationship to the lunar tide schedule, which though predictable, are often subject to random weather patterns."[/colour]

Ok, this app looks very good to me! All of the required fields are filled and it's very well written.

For an older foal, this char is deep (and we like that!).

Good work!

Hi Corsair! I like the 'relaunch' on this character! App looks good to me, all the required fields are filled and it's very well written.

One question before I begin to evaluate your app, Palisade. You use the term "Foal (older)" to describe the char's age. I'm assuming you mean this pony is older than a pony like Pound or Pumpkin Cake but younger than Applebloom, Sweetie Belle or Scootaloo, am I correct?

Hearing AppleJack's reply jogged Granny Smith's memory.

[colour=#00FF00]"Oh yeah! I shoudda knowed it! These here pears is from good ol' Pearywinkle!" [/colour]the elderly mare neighed.

[colour=#006400]"Pearyvinkle?" [/colour]Uncle Apple Strudel asked, [colour=#006400]"I don't tink I've ever met dat pony."[/colour]

[colour=#00FF00]"Pearywinkle ain't no pony, brother. It's a pear tree that out among our apple trees. Gotta admit, ol' Peary was sure scared at first, bein' around all them apple trees, but they welcomed him as part of the orchard family! Sure, we're all Apple folk on this farm, but that don't mean we can't allow other trees ta be here with us."[/colour]

[colour=#006400]"Dat is a vonderba story, mein sister! Maybe vee vill find somepony who vill vant to buy dem!"[/colour]

Apple Strudel pushed the bushel basket of pears aside and then brought more baskets of apples up for AppleJack to sell.

Saddlesore had couldn't of picked a better night for a moonlight stroll. The full moon was bright and commanding in the night sky. The many stars that dotted the heavens seemed to be out just for them! The blue Earth stallion had never taken the time to notice how lovely Princess Luna's nights could be! Perhaps he felt this way because of the lovely unicorn mare that he was sharing the evening with. As the two walked slowly down the path, Saddlesore looked up at Asteria.

[colour=#0000FF]"Tell me, Miss Stillheart, what do you think of the night sky? Have you ever seen anything more lovely and wonderous in your entire life?"[/colour]

Saddlesore was hoping that just for once, Asteria could display some raw emotions. He thought the world of her, even with her current demeanor, but the blue stallion was hoping that he could open a whole new outlook on life to the elegant unicorn mare.

Ms. Harshwhinney stood motionless for what seemed to be an eternity. The 'rebuke' she had received from Princess Cadance stunned the orange Earth mare to silence. What a terrible first impression she had made during the early hours of this convention! How would she live this down? With all the remaining courage she could muster, the blonde middle aged mare bowed respectfully once more before the two Princesses.

[colour=#FF8C00]"I do humbly apologize, your majesties. I meant no offense to either of you, or this grand convention. Is there anything I can do for either of you to make up for my previous rudeness?"[/colour]

Meanwhile, Louise LaMare and Tankena seemed to be getting along well with Cherry Berry and Carrot Top.

[colour=#8B4513]"It's a pleasure to meet you both," [/colour]Louise said with a smile. [colour=#8B4513]"I'm a novelist living in Appleoosa now, wanted to live in a truly rustic frontier town that could give me more inspiration for my Pioneer times books, have you read any of them?"[/colour]

[colour=#8B4513][colour=#008000]"Da, Comrade Carrot Top! I am Tankena! My family and I are metalsmiths, but what I love to create the most is inventions! There is much snowy days in Stalliongrad, so it gives much time for thinking and planning! I was hoping to have my latest invention ready to show off to all these mares at convention, but it had problems."[/colour][/colour]

[colour=#8B4513][colour=#8B4513]"And what invention is that, Tankena?"[/colour][/colour]

[colour=#8B4513][colour=#008000]"I was working on new kind of carriage that could move without being pulled or hitched. My parents wanted me to give up after my first five prototypes exploded, but I told them.."[/colour][/colour]

[colour=#8B4513]"Exploded? Were you injured?"[/colour]

[colour=#008000]"Nyet! Just cuts and scrapes, no big deal. I did bring other inventions with me, do you comrades want to see them? None will explode, I promise!"[/colour]

[colour=#0000FF]"Y'know, Miss Carrot Top," [/colour]Hayseed said with a shy smile, [colour=#0000FF]"I kin sure think of one lovely mare I'd be pleased ta use as a model fer whittlin' a big wooden pony with."[/colour]

Suddenly, the farming Earth Pony blushed so brightly, it could be seen under his facial fur. Meanwhile, Flam was very pleased. Not only did his new friend Miss Derpy Hooves NOT hold his past against him, but the blonde Pegasus mare seemed to genuinely like his company. She even mention wanting to see his brother Flim too! As Doctor Stable looked confused and Mr. Waddle smiled, Flam walked up to the departing mare.

[colour=#FF8C00]"Miss Hooves, you are a treasure, you gave my day such pleasure, and I hope to see you again, and bring my brother to meet my new FRIEND!!!!" [/colour]Flam sang out, adding a little dance to go with his homemade tune.

[colour=#FF0000]"Hmph!" [/colour]Doctor Stable snorted. [colour=#FF0000]"I should've known there was nothing wrong with Derpy, well, nothing in my field of medicine."[/colour]

[colour=#808080]"And what is THAT supposed to mean?" [/colour]Mr Waddle asked.

[colour=#FF0000]"Well sir, I am trained in medicine, not psychiatry. It's obvious that Miss Derpy Hooves has some sort of mental condition that.."[/colour]

[colour=#FF8C00]"SLANDER! Cease this slander of my dear friend this instant!" [/colour]Flam growled as he faced the physician unicorn. [colour=#FF8C00]"It may be true that Miss Hooves is quite unique, but there's no crime in that! I happen to think she's wonderful, and I don't need a stethoscope or a medical license to say that!"[/colour]

[colour=#FF0000]"Why don't you stick to squeezing apples and leave the practice of medicine to us professionals?" [/colour]Doctor Stable asked gruffly. [colour=#FF0000]"And speaking of medical duties, I must attend to a young sleeping mare outside. Hopefully, that pill she accidentally swallowed has worn off by now, good day to you all."[/colour]

Mr Waddle shook his head as he watched Doctor Stable leave the building.[colour=#FF0000] [/colour]

Professor Krashkop stood in awe of the famous and elegant Princess of the Night. The elderly Pegasus had never really met Princess Luna in person, so he was quite excited about her presence and hung on her every word.

[colour=#008000]"Princess Luna, you can count on us!" [/colour]the white maned Pegasus stallion neighed. [colour=#008000]"Vee vill not let you or Equestria down! Vee all have vhat it takes to veather dis crisis!"[/colour]

The Professor then turned to address the gather Pegasi once more.

[colour=#008000]"Come on, mein fellow Pegasi! Vee vill succeed! Just follow your team leaders und vork together! Dere is nutting to be afraid of! Vee Pegasi are a proud group! Vee vere vounce brave varriors fighting epic battles! Dis is no different! Vee are in a battle, a battle to maintain dee veather patterns of our beloved Equestria! Vill you all fight vith us? Shout if you are vith us!"[/colour]

Here, Professor Krashkop was attempting to rally all the volunteers, hoping excitement would be contagious

Hi Lux!

I fell in love with this character the moment I saw the pic!

This app is superb! All of the required fields are filled, very well written and a very original concept!

Great job, Lux!

Professor Krashkop walked up to Mended Heart and gently placed one of his wings on her shoulder.

[colour=#008000]"Dere dere, fraulien, do not be discouraged," [/colour]the elderly green Pegasus said, [colour=#008000]"you vill do better vith yur next turn, ja? Vatch me und perhaps you vill learn from mein method."[/colour]

As the Professor rolled his ball up to the line, he produced a big sheet of paper, a slide rule and a pencil.

[colour=#696969]"Hay Professor, what are you doing?" [/colour]Mr Waddle asked.

[colour=#FF0000]"Yeah, what's with all the writing and stuff?" [/colour]added Pigpen.

[colour=#008000]"I am using applied physics und calculus to determine vhere to strike dis ball und dee speed to use to knock down all dee pins!" [/colour]the elderly Pegasus stallion announced, finishing up his written calculations as he approached his ball. Eyeing it up, he then proceeded to kick the bowling ball with his left front hoof. Striking the ball the way he did caused the rolling ball to have some 'spin' to it. The curve of the rolling bowling ball was perfect, striking the pins at the exact spot he calculated and knocking all the pins down at once.

[colour=#008000]"VUNDERBA! I GOT A STRIKE!" [/colour]the stallion shouted.

[colour=#FF0000]"Good job, Professor!" [/colour]added Pigpen.

[colour=#696969]"Er, Professor, is the ball supposed to do THAT?" [/colour]Mr Waddle asked, pointing to the alley. When the Professor turned around, he was horrified to see the 'spin' of his ball caused it to 'pop' out of the back of the lane and back out on the alley. Now, his bowling ball was picking up speed and rolling back towards the group of bowling ponies.

[colour=#008000]"ACK! UNEEMAL!" [/colour]Professor Krashkop yelled. [colour=#008000]"EVERYPONY VATCH OUT!"[/colour]

As Mr. Waddle worked to herd all of the pony bowlers to safety, Pigpen galloped up to the lane.

[colour=#FF0000]"I'll stop that wayward bowling ball!" [/colour]Pigpen announced, standing firm as he shook his shaggy body, causing enough dust and dirt to fall on the front of the alley that the rolling bowling ball skidded to a complete stop. [colour=#FF0000]"There! Nothing to it!"[/colour]

The Professor was about to thank him until he got a whiff of Pigpen's pundant odor, now amplified with all the unkempt pony's shaking.

[colour=#008000]"I tink vee vould've been better off letting dee ball hit us," [/colour]Professor Krashkop muttered, reaching one hoof up to hold his nose.

Tilly Tome was having the time of her life in the mud bath pool! Never had she felt so relaxed! Whatever was in the mud mixture was doing wonders for the elderly librarian's crystal body. TIlly became so happy her body began to glow brightly beneath the mud, so brightly that the glow could be seen through the mud.

[colour=#800080]"My stars and garters! This is so AMAZING!" [/colour]Tilly Tome neighed, closing her eyes, feeling totally at peace. However, soon the elderly Crystal Pony was fast asleep, and snoring SO LOUD that the noise literally shook the windows in the entire building. Poor Tilly had no idea she had a snoring problem, since she always slept alone at her own home the vast majority of the time.

Saddlesore is happy to see that, as far as he could see, Asteria wasn't angry or upset with the events of the evening. She didn't appear happy either, but that was OK with the blue stallion. By now, he understood this beautiful unicorn mare was not one that showed strong emotions.

[colour=#000080]"Yes, Miss Stillheart, I am ready to accompany you on our moonlight stroll. I know a place nearby that I hope you will find adequate for our endeavor, please follow me," [/colour]Saddlesore said calmly as he led Asteria out of the restaurant and towards a nearby park. The park's walkways were lit by magical lanterns, as the night was fast approaching. Soon, the stars could be seen above, as well as the full moon in the sky.

[colour=#0000FF]"Shall we stroll, Miss Stillheart?" [/colour]the blue stallion asked.

Hi MisterRe!

Although this app is still in WIP status, I feel the need to council you about the size of your font on your app.

It's simply too large. A font size of 14 pt will do nicely, I would advise you to adjust your app's font size accordingly.

This is an AMAZING app, River! Well written, complete, concise, very enjoyable read! Clear Cutie Mark story and very nice background history! Excellent work!

After careful thought and consideration, here are my selections for the wonderful project:

Mojo -- Group (Artists/Hippies)

Tankena -- Group (Althletes/Honor Students)

Haywire -- Group (Freshmen)

So hard to chose just three.....

Mojo would be cool, try to fancy himself a ladies man, Tankena adds diversity as an exchange student from Russia, and of course Haywire would be here for fun and mischief making!

I say yes because the EQG-High School setting is rich in RP possibilities. And since the chars would be both humanized AND in a modern tech environment, it'd feel a bit more contemporary than the WOE (not dissing WOE, ok?). Think of all the new Cast EQG chars that could be claimed too! I would LOVE the opportunity to participate in this concept!

I see you opted to app this as FFA, fantastic! As a FFA app, this looks ready to approve!

Pigpen was very surprised to see so much interest in his fly friends.

[colour=#FF0000]"Well Sea Swirl, Professor, Mr, Waddle, I really can't explain all of it," [/colour]the unkempt stallion began to speak, [colour=#FF0000]"flies naturally follow me, guess they like me, and over the years, me and these flies have become very close pals! They help me at the junkyard with minor tasks, it's as if they can understand what I'm thinking. I know that makes no sense, but that's just the way it is."[/colour]

[colour=#696969]"Amazing!" [/colour]added Mr Waddle.

[colour=#008000]"Dere has to be some logical explanation, Herr Pigpen!" [/colour]Professor Krashkop neighed. [colour=#008000]"I vish to study dis further, but for now, vee play dee bowling game, ja?"[/colour]

[colour=#696969]"Yes indeed! I look forward to our game together, are we ready to begin yet?" [/colour]

I thought of this question while I was travelling today. Those of you who seen the film (and even those who haven't) know the basic concept of the characters of the MLP FiM universe living in a 'human' world and focused on a High School setting. My question is, how would your (and my) fan-created characters fit into the 'world' of the Equestria Girls movie?

I'll go first! Bear with me, I have quite a few OC's:

Earth Ponies:

Mojo -- he'd be a student dressed in retro 60's style clothes and probably flirting with girls (most of whom would probably slap him silly). His best subjects would be ecology, art and poetry/writing

Saddlesore -- I could picture the world's grumpiest pony as a grumbling janitor at the school

Tankena (Tank Mare) -- I see her as a bright student with a lot of potential but also a very loud,very strong personality that would probably made her many enemies. Her best subject: Science/Physics

Unicorns:

Starflower: She'd be a tall, lanky School Nurse

Misty Magic -- She'd be a nerdette who would probably resemble Steve Urkel in the way she keeps having accidents. Her best subject: Home Economics. Her parents (Mighty Magic and Abracadabra) would be in small time show business while her grandfather Hoofcourt Magic might be a retired/substitute teacher at the school

Doc Holly Day -- Obviously the school Doctor

Pegasi:

Julibee Flyer -- She'd be active in the school's Dance Team and Drama Club and still have a sister-like relationship with Mojo. Her best subject: English Literature

Louise LaMare -- I could see her as a young Englist Lit. teacher at the school

Professor Clyde Krashkop-- He'd be a Physics/Chemistry teacher at the school (who frequently blows up the School Lab with his experiments)

The Hay Family:

Of course, all three would be students. Haymaker's best subject would be Phys. Ed. and she'd probably get into many fights in school taking up for other kids who were being bullied. Her brother Hayseed would excel in Shop Class and Auto Body/Repair classes too. He'd still get punched by Haymaker when he teased her too. Little Haywire would be there too (since apparently the CMC go there) so she'd be a menace to all. Principles Celestia and Luna would have their hands full with her!

I'm leaving out all my 'Orphanage' characters because I don't think they'd be at Canterlot High at all.

But I do have one buffalo character:

ThunderClap-- Obvious, he'd be a Native American student who I believe would do well academically and try hard to get along with others. Best Class: Bookkeeping (he'd be career minded).

Ok, there's my guesses, now it's your turn! Have fun with it!

Ok, now it's time for 'old man' Mojo to weigh in on the EQG Movie now that I've actually seen it.

To be honest, I was skeptical about the entire concept, but when fellow Canterlot Staff members spoke so glowingly about it, I decided to give it a look. I have to say, although it wasn' the total dumpster fire I thought it was going to be, I was a little (but not a lot) disappointed in it overall.

Before all you bronies attack me, hear me out. To me, there is a LOT to like about this film! I'll list the good points first, then my criticisms. (Any spoiler material I will properly 'shield').

Good Points:

#1 -- the songs

To me, this aspect was the strongest part of the movie. LOVED the songs! I do have one favorite, but I won't mention it here due to possible spoilage factor (one clue, it's the LONGEST song in the movie).

#2 -- Seeing Cast/Background chars as human-like

Also very enjoyable and amusing to go the 'Where's Waldo" route to spot humanized ponies during the run of the film. The fact that I could recognize a LOT of them scores big for me.

#3 -- Overall movie plot DOES fit the cartoon canon (but it's a rather rough fit, more on that later).

Other good points (Spoiler mode)

#4 -- The Pony names for the humans. This was a borderline call for me, though it seemed weird for humans to be known by one word names, I can see why the writers did this to avoid audience confusion. It also stands to reason that if there was a parallel alternate universe to Equestria, it would very much resemble it (such as the parallel universe of the Star Trek series universe).

#5 -- The ending was a bit fast and routine, but it DID fit the regular show canon and overall theme of the movie.

Now, the negatives (in spoiler mode for those who haven't seen the movie)

#1 -- Several BIG 'plot holes' in the film. To me, the biggest one occurs in the first fifteen minutes concerning the crown Fluttershy found and turned in at the office. IF this crown was SO important to Sunset Shimmer, why didn't she just storm into Celestia's office and claim the crown was hers? For that matter, why didn't Twi tell Celestia the truth that the lost crown was really hers? I know the crown was essential to the central plot of the movie, but to me, it would've made more sense for both SS and Twi to have rushed into the office and claim it. Then Celestia could've asked for proof (which neither lady has) and still go on with the story of rewarding it to the winner of the vote at the Formal. Would've been a bit more believable that way.

#2 -- For all this taking place at a school, there was very little (if any) classroom scenes in the entire film. Are the writers trying to say that the ONLY activity that takes place in human schools is social posturing?

#3 -- If this is Canterlot High School, what are Sweetie Belle, AppleBloom and Scootaloo doing there? I know where I live, in West Virginia, there are a handful of small schools that have grades K thru 12 in them, but Canterlot High seems to be a LOT bigger than that. Sure it was cute to see them there, but honestly, that part just didn't fit so well.

#4 -- How could a 'transfer' student who was only at the school for a few days become SO popular in three days to basically win an election of any kind? Ok, perhaps the Magic of Friendship has a lot to do with this, but this point was just not believable to me. I know it's a BIG part of the movie plot, but it was just a real 'reach' for my to accept this.

#5 -- Sunset Shimmer wrecks the school and Twi and her pals leave a HUGE crater in front of it and NO principal/teacher even thinks to call either the police or their PARENTS? Really? Does that seem plausable?

#6 -- In the last scene, Celestia and the Mane 5 seem very accepting of Twi being from an alternate universe and aren't all that sad to see her go. That just seems amiss to me.

#7 -- I really did NOT like the way Snips and Snails were cast in this film. Snips and Snails aren't really 'evil' or 'bad' guys, I consider them a safe-for-work pony version of Beavis and Butthead. I can't see them wrecking the gym on purpose. In 'Boast Busters', they did bring the Ursa Minor to Ponyville, but that really was more an act of stupidity than revenge or meanness.

As I said before, overall, though I was disappointed with the film, I admit to have enjoyed viewing it. This is a HUGE change of mind for me about this film, so I at least came THIS far, ok?

[colour=#0000FF]"Well Miss Carrot Top, I do like whittin' now 'n then," [/colour]Hayseed said with a smile, [colour=#0000FF]"it's a sorta hobby of mine. I once carved a lifesize sculpture of mah little sister out of an old tree stump. Took me two months to git it all done. Then Haywire said she wanted ta 'borrow' it. She painted it an then used it ta pull a prank on Haymaker! Made her SO mad she punched it inta splinters! Oh well, it looked purty while it lasted. Say, maybe some time I could show ya all the whittin' scruptures I made! I still gotta buncha'm, and I don't let Haywire borrow any of'm anymore."[/colour]

Meanwhile Derpy's response to Doctor Stable's amazed the physician unicorn as well as the other ponies all around him.

[colour=#FF8C00]"Well spoken, Miss Derpy Hooves!" [/colour]Flam neighed as he clapped his front hooves. [colour=#FF8C00]"Nothing wrong with being you! That's the sensable think to do! Just like.."[/colour]

[colour=#FF0000]"Stop that infernal singing, you scalliwag!" [/colour]scoulded Dr. Stable as he turned to Derpy Hooves. [colour=#FF0000]"You mean to say that you didn't receive a fierce blow to the head, miss? This truly IS your normal behavior?"[/colour]

[colour=#696969]"Perhaps that's the question you should've asked FIRST, Doctor," [/colour]added Mr. Waddle. [colour=#696969]"When you jump to conclusions, they can sometimes jump on you!"[/colour]

[colour=#FF8C00]"A very wise saying, dear fellow! Now, Miss Hooves, may I be of service to you this fine day?" [/colour]Flam asked, with a smile on his face.

Hi Azure!

Looking at this app, there's a lot to like about it. All of the required fields are filled and there is a very compelling cutie mark story. However, there are a few misspelled words (no biggie) and also a number of long, run-on sentences that make this app a little hard to read. I would suggest you edit some of the longer sentences and try to bring this together into one, easier flowing story.

Also, I checked with Senior RP Staff and they agree amnesia, as a mental condition, is unacceptable in a WOE app. If you wanted to take this app to Crossover or FFA, then that would be ok. As a general rule, no mental conditions are permitted in WOE RP apps.

You do have the start of a very interesting RP app here, just needs a bit more 'fine tuning'.