Unicorn Rolling Thunder [Final]

[Concord]

Roleplay Type: World of Equestria RP

Name: Captain Rolling Thunder

Sex: Male

Age: Stallion

Species: Unicorn

Eye Color: Cyan

Coat Color: White

Mane/Tail/Markings Color & Style: Black, both mane and tail kept short.

Physique: He is not really fat or thin, just bigger than most ponies.

Cutie Mark: two crossed swords over a shield.

Origin/Residence: Born in Stalliongrad, Raised and lives in Canterlot

Occupation: R.E.A. Officer

Motivation: Desires to use every resource to protect Equestria and harmony

Likes: Weapons, armor, questioning orders, giving orders, having things his way, protecting innocents, arresting criminals

Dislikes: Staying in one place, Isolation, Paperwork, Superior officers, REIN, dragons, guard duty, cupcakes, the "Honor Guard", elitism

Character Summary: Rolling was born in the Stabil Krasnyi in Stalliongrad to parents Silver Shield and Crimson Heart. His father (Silver) was a royal guard and his mother (Crimson) was a nurse. When he was only a colt his mother left the family and hasn't even spoken with them. Shortly after this remorse and his father's promotion caused the two to move to Canterlot. His father was nothing special and intensive schooling meant that they had a distant relationship. This didn't mean there was any hostility, just his schooling and Silvers' job meant they didn't spend much time together.

In Canterlot he was assessed as a beta class unicorn and accepted to the Canterlot school for gifted unicorns. While in the school he expressed a great interest in military history and tactics. his skill in command and sparring culminated when he was red teams captain in an infamous game of capture the flag that resulted in him personally planning, attacking, and subduing two royal guards mistaken for enemy team members. The ensuing sparring match with the guards led to his arrest and receiving his cutie mark.

His initial desires to return to Stalliongrad were set aside when he was accepted for officer training in the REA and his eventual graduation to the rank of 2nd lieutenant. He was commissioned one of the few active duty REA officers. His honor turned to dismay at commanders who he saw as glory hoarding. This has led him to seek his promotion to Captain of the 2nd "Iron Hooves" battalion.

He unlike most ponies has some experience from when he seised the opprotunity to defend canterlot against the changeling attack. This ended when chrysalis was defeated ths the city being saved.many REA guards including rolling thought they may be reprimanded for allowing the attack to happen at all. To his, and many other ponies surprisegiven medals were given to all the guards for aiding Equestria in it's time of need. This was followed by the old captain retireing and rolling taking his place.

Rolling tries not to think of himself as superior to anypony but he does use his privlages from time to time.He has a heavily impulsive and outgoing personality that can cause peoblems on some missions. He is never intentionally hostile, but gets angered very easily which can scare some ponies who do not know him well. His current superiors refer to him as steadfast and loyal to the cause. He is generally liked the ponies under his command and is not afraid to lead patrols himself.

He speaks with a light stallian accent inherited from his childhood that isn't difficult to understand. He frequently runs searches looking for any information as to his mothers disappearance and recently saw his father die peacfully but he only had Rolling for comfort. This left a profound effect on him and has replaced his usually isolationist personality with a more outgoing friendly one. It has so increased his impulsiveness and has gotten in trouble several times because of it. Also he is a little less mature than most ponies his age, but when it comes to his duty he does his best to put this aside. He is eager to make new friends outside of the REA and is always willing to help a pony in need.

(Feedback is still welcome)

[MisterChippy]

Russian commando pony...

I like this idea!

However, what is he doing in Canterlot? I'm sure Stalliongrad had plenty of great military acadamies, so why did he chose to come to Canterlot? He wasn't able to tell the difference between gaurds and the blue team, so is he a little bit slow, or just kinda impulsive? Is he still looking for his mother? Was she secretly a spy? Does he still want to be in this corrupt army anymore? What's he doing to try to change it? Does he have any real combat experience?

Those are just some questions that popped into my head while reading this. Hope they help!

[Concord]

Thank you I didnt realise that I had made no mention of why he stayed in canterlot also i should elaborate on the other aspects. Again, thanks.

[MyLittlePonyTales]

How is this Application coming along?

[Concord]

Its going rather well thanks for asking. I feel like it needs just a little more editing but I cant think of what to change yet.

[Concord]

Couldn't think of anything to add so marked as final.

[RarityDash]

Hello there. I think this app is looking quite promising. Personally, I really love seeing apps that prove that users actually are reading all the great board lore and are being inspired by it.

That said, I do have some concerns. You may need to tone it down a little when it comes to his accomplishments. Competent, powerful characters are fine within reason, but if you add too much you run the risk of making the character difficult to believe or "Mary Sue"-like. As it is, Rolling is beta class on the UMAT scale, a skilled strategist, a noble soldier, a leader, graduated above his class, has achieved an impressive rank within the REA and even was awarded a medal for his services. Additionally, through a lot of it it sounds like you're trying to paint a sterling picture of him while at the same time painting his peers as either incompetent or ignoble, when really it would be better to let the character stand out on his own merits. All together, to me it seems just a little much and I would urge you to temper it some to make the character more credible. Well balanced characters make for a better RP environment for all involved players.

Other than that, there isn't that much to say I think. You have a somewhat confusing typo in the line about his mother and in the personality sections you could probably elaborate more on character flaws. With just a little work though, I think this character should be approved.

[Concord]

Thanks yeah I guess I am making him seem a little glorified I'll add more on his faults and remove the things making his peers seem worse I think his achievements can stand on his own. Also I hadn't noticed the typo do thanks for pointing it out. Again thanks it helps to hear others perspectives

[RarityDash]

It's getting really close to where I can push you along to the next level, but overall the application does still seem just a touch too glowing.

I think the thing that is setting me off the most in all of this is the paragraph about the Changeling invasion. You've been careful to step around any illegal direct connections with cast characters, but you still have your character as having been there during important canon events and having being awarded greatly for it. In that paragraph, you still seem to indicate that his peers were not doing their duty. Personally, I would think that when the changelings attacked, every guard in Canterlot fought their hardest, and while some were surely overwhelmed, none would chose not to defend the city; it's their job after all. Furthermore, why would he even think that he would be fired for such a thing given the circumstances? In all, it seems an effort to make the character seem special when I am pretty sure that he would be just one of countless REA ponies struggling to defend the city that day.

If this part is fixed, I believe you should be well on your way.

[Concord]

Thanks again I will make it so he isn't at the wedding just in canterlot. Also I'll add that the medal was for helping coordinate the defense as opposed to only taking part in it. Thanks again.

[Armony]