Unicorn Strongbuck [Final]

[WildGambit]

[[in point of fact, he is NOT a full unicorn, he is half unicorn and half-zebra... but I put unicorn as the prefix]]

He's been overhauled. Hopefully this will be less 'offensive.'

Roleplay Type: World of Equestria RP

Name: Strongbuck, or just 'Buck' for short. Named such because of his long-strong legs, even when he was tiny.

Sex: Male

Age: A young, only just Stallion

Species: Zebra/Unicorn Cross

Eye Color: Pale grey.

Coat Color: Pale cream, with light brown/tan stripes marking it all over, like those of a zebra, only paler.

Mane/Tail/Markings Color & Style: His mane and tail are both short and scruffy, streaked with numerous shades of brown, nothing extravagant. He doesn't keep either particularly clean or tidy, but hygenic and trimmed for practicality.

Physique: He's a lanky, thin individual, but athletic, and in good running shape.

Cutie Mark: A slim, pale green plant with three leaves, dewdrops and a little magical twinkle on the tip of one leaf. (See picture for clarity)

Cutie mark story.

Growing up in a city, he never saw much of plants and trees, other than in the allotted parks and such. However, what he did see, always fascinated him. He explained this interest to his mother, who, delighted that her shy son had found something that interested him, set about filling their home with potted plants of all kinds, soon they had one on every window sill.

Strongbuck, a lonely kind of colt, grew very fond of the plants, and quickly learned how to look after them, and help them grow strong and healthy. He discovered, whilst home alone with his plants, that he was actually able to use his magic to help them... he could encourage the plant to grow a slightly stronger stem, larger leaf, or make a flower bloom. Of course this was small, and tired him out... but as he kept practising, his skill grew, and his magical ability with plants also so.

One day, his mother brought him home a bag of flower seeds, to see if he would like to try growing a plant from the very start, and thrilled, he set about his task. He was impatient though, to see his flowers, and decided to do an experiment, and planted one seed separate from the others, in its own pot. Then, using all the focus he had managed to learn, he tried to grow the seed and make it germinate. The attempts took him several hours, before he stopped, realising that he was doing something wrong. Trying a different approach, he focused himself instead, on finding the seed in the soil with his magic... and as he managed this, he found that he could encourage the life within it, and made it germinate. Using all the magic he could muster, he grew the seedling as much as he could, to a small, modest little thing of a stem and three leaves. It was small, but it made him so very proud of himself, and he was thrilled with his little plant. That was the moment that his cutie mark appeared, a plant, similar to the one he had grown, with dewdrops, and a little sparkle of magic.

Origin/Residence: Born in Manehattan, but shortly after he became an older colt, left to find his own way.

Occupation: He's a grower and gatherer of herbs and healing plants which he sells to traveller ponies who pass by, and uses to help the hurt that he comes across.

Motivation: Hard to determine exactly, since his life has been hard... mostly he just likes solitude, because company is too frightening for him now. His purpose, is merely to get by day to day, in the best ways he can. He intensely misses being able to perform magic, so you could say his goal is to someday find an herb that can fix his horn. (I am aware this can't happen, but he is currently not, and will, in time, move on to accept new goals and desires in life)

Likes: Solitude, peace and quiet, herbs, growing edible plants.

Dislikes: Company, especially in large groups. Being Judged.

Character Summary: Born to a fashionista unicorn in Manehattan, he was the dearly loved result of a short but loving relationship with a zebra whilst his mother was on holiday. As a half breed, he was hardly fit for his mother's high society friends and workmates, and was looked upon with disdain by most of them, though his mother worked so very hard to gain acceptance for him. When he was at school, the other foals, without fully knowing how cruel they were being, did as youngsters will, and shunned the poor, different fellow. It wasn't so much open bullying, as nobody really talking to him kindly, or taking the time to look past his differences.

Despite his awkwardness among his schoolmates, He did well in his simple studies of magic, but was never quite powerful enough to be enlisted into any level of magical education, despite his wishes to do so, because he never really talked to his mother about his wish to do this, perhaps because he had become so shy.

As he grew into a colt, he started to feel that perhaps he just wasn't meant to be in Manehattan, the bustling city just not the environment for a lover of plants and trees, and he quickly made his mind up to leave. He would have ideally liked to go over the seas to Unyasi, but he lacked the funds, and had become so low on self confidence, that he was afraid even the zebras would not want him. So he hesitated on leaving for a while longer, giving Manehattan one more chance.

He was taking a walk outside after dark, enjoying some peace, when some of his old schoolmates happened upon him, and he turned to avoid them, hoping that they may just pass by. However, his sidestep was a small but serious mistake. Firstly, because his schoolmates, now older, and wiser, would merely have greeted him and moved on... and secondly, because his hurry to be away from them caused him to slip and take a serious tumble down the hill before him, striking his horn on a rock at the bottom, and snapping the tip of it in a blaze of uncontrolled light. He was knocked out.

When he awoke some time later, with a splitting headache, he quickly discovered the tip of his horn, broken and laying on the floor. Devastated, and convinced that his magic was crippled forever, he took the horn tip that had once been his own, and ran.

He ran away from Manehattan that very night, finally given the drive to do so, taking only some food, some bits, and leaving a note for his mother. He travelled quickly after that, pausing only to eat, rest and drink, but kept moving at all other times.

After a long while, he did eventually grow tired of the travelling, and having had a long time to think, had decided to stop, and do what he knew best... growing plants. He picked a location that seemed to have reasonable soil and a source of water, a copse of trees, not far from White tail wood, north of Hoofington. Having settled in this reasonable piece of land, he was ready to start doing what he did best... well... He had done it without his magic before, so he knew well enough how to go about the growing... so, he set about his task. He built a simple shelter for himself, and both collected, and bartered for seeds with the next traveller who passed with some.

Fortunately, his leaving in spring had given him the time to grow some of the faster growing food plants without much difficulty, and he rapidly learned to forage for saleable herbs and goods to sell to passers by, or trade for food and supplies. Over time, his home has grown more sturdy and agreeable, and through the colder months, where the plants aren't growing food, and he can't forage much, he is known to make occasional trips to towns, for supplies to make it through until spring. Sometimes he also returns to towns to see other ponies... he does WANT to make contact, but still feels somewhat socially awkward, and more at ease with plants than other equines. But as he grows up, he is starting to realise the mistakes he made in the past, of thinking that his peers were being harsher than they were, and he is beginning to move on from that. The greatest irony of all, is that if he had managed to stay in Manehattan just a few weeks longer, he would have met his father, called there by his mother to help him cope with who and what he was. But he has no idea of that.

He has also found, over time, that even with his horn broken, he is capable of helping his plants on a very very basic level, a shadow of what he previously could, he can still help figure out what is wrong with a sickening plant by touching his stump to it, and focusing very hard, but doing anything about it now has to be manual, rather than magical.

When his shyness is put aside, for him to actually open up to another pony for a conversation, he's still a bit withdrawn and quiet, but not worryingly so. He's kind, curious, and eager to learn, and always asks those he speaks with about how affairs of the world have changed since he was last in contact. For the most part, he is still a little socially awkward, but as time passes, he is getting somewhat better about being around others, and learning that he does not always have to avoid other ponies. He does feel his broken horn makes him insecure around others, but since nobody has openly mocked him over it, he is starting to feel better about it, and learning to live as basically an earth pony.

Bonus: Here's some art I did of himself and his parents. His mother, Fire Opal and his father: Juba (Meaning fearless)

[MyLittlePonyTales]

How is this Application coming along?

[WildGambit]

Absolutely fine, he's pretty much done, but I can't mark him as final whilst I'm waiting for my other to be moved on.

Well, he's been approved, but he's still in the applications section ^_^ That's okay though, I'm not rushing anything, just saying, as soon as he's moved, this fellow will be marked on as final.

[WildGambit]

Right, my other fellow has been moved on into the databases (Yay first character on here to be accepted for me!), so I have been able to mark this guy as final!

So... critique/ask away guys! I'm ready for input!

[RarityDash]

Hello there.

This is an interesting app that I think has some promise. We do allow pony/zebra crossbreeds and unicorns with broken horns have made it through the process before. As it is now, however, there are still a number of problems with this application that might prevent its approval.

Most importantly, to start with, all adult ponies must have their cutie marks with no exception. We only allow foals/fillies/colts to be blank flanks. The adult blank flank thing is overdone to the point of cliche and there isn't any real precedent in the show of it ever happening. According to the canon, all ponies get a cutie mark while still young. Since Canterlot.com's World of Equestria RP strives to adhere closely to what we see in canon, it is not something we are prepared to allow. I suggest either coming up with something for his mark or making him a colt.

Moving on, the entire story seems kind of ill-fitting with the world of Friendship is Magic. FIM is a show about friendship and love and positive, good feelings. While in our World of Equestria RP we do allow some room for things to be maybe a touch sad or dark on occasion, Strongbuck's story seems maybe a step too far. Prejudice, isolation, despair, this sense that all society seems stacked against the character and out to get him... it just together seems a little much. Ponyville in time came to accept Zecora and many others who were physically different than them, and while the show has its bullies, sure, rarely do you see ponies in the show being so violent and cruel to others as you describe here. That's to say nothing of how, according to our board lore, the city where Strongbuck lived, Manehattan, is a massive, bustling trade town which, given its size and relative proximity to Unyasi, almost certainly would have a pretty fair zebra population.

There is also the issue of location. Everfree forest is not a place anypony wants to live. It is the most dangerous and inhospitable place in Equestria; ponies do not commonly choose to stay there. In the show, the only character who lives in the forest is Zecora, and this seems to mostly be due to her being an herbalist. And since Zecora is the only character in the show to live in the Everfree forest, that kind of creates a particular problem for this app since Strongbuck is also a zebra. We already have one reclusive zebra living in that forest, do we need a second one? It makes the idea seem somewhat unoriginal.

When it comes to the horn, I'm going to have to ask someone higher ranked on our RP team to confirm this for me when I'm able to, but I'm not sure that we're prepared to say that all magic for a unicorn is in the horn and that by breaking it all ability to do magic would be lost. We might only allow that sort of thing as something more cosmetic, or say that it weakens magic or causes it to lose focus. I'll get back to you when i have a more definite answer there, but I'd at least be prepared to have to change that part as well.

That said, the broken horn brings me to a certain feeling I get from this app. With all these wild physical traits--broken horn, no cutie mark on an adult pony, zebra stripes on a unicorn--the emphasis seems to be more on making a character who looks special than a character who is special. How a character looks doesn't make them an interesting character. In actual RP threads, the people you RP with probably won't even care all that much what the character looks like. It's not about that. It's about how the character is played. The interesting character is not the one with the most unique physical traits, but the one with a strong, defined personality who is able to play well off of other characters. This app seems style over substance to me. It's your job to prove the character is special when you RP him. Embellishing a character with cool, unique traits is a poor and lazy way of trying to make him interesting.

Really, the most important part of this application is the section describing the character's personality, and here I'd honestly say that's a little slight. He's shy, lonely and feels a disconnect from others, sure, but there has to be more to the story than that. That's hardly a fully developed personality. Tell us more about who he is. If we met him in the RP, what would he be like in more specific terms? Expand. This is what you'll be relying on to make your character truly come across as special.

A long critique, I know, but with enough work and willingness to change, I think this app still has a chance of working.

[MyLittlePonyTales]

When it comes to the horn, I'm going to have to ask someone higher ranked on our RP team to confirm this for me when I'm able to, but I'm not sure that we're prepared to say that all magic for a unicorn is in the horn and that by breaking it all ability to do magic would be lost. We might only allow that sort of thing as something more cosmetic, or say that it weakens magic or causes it to lose focus. I'll get back to you when i have a more definite answer there, but I'd at least be prepared to have to change that part as well.

There have been a few discussions on broken horns before. Without reading the Application, I'll say that broken horns are allowed. It happens, but it is rare. If a horn is broken, a Unicorn will likely be unable to perform magic. If the horn is simply cracked, it's likely that magic will just be weakened. However, seeing as the horn is broken on the tip, Strongbuck likely cannot perform magic, or at least, very little and with some difficulty. Horns I believe grow back, but at such a slow rate a Unicorn with a break that bad would never reach their full magical potential.

Putting a horn back on would do little good. Like snapping a branch off a tree and then trying to reconnect it, it's not going to grow with the rest of the tree anymore.

He has a neat design though. I also have a half Zebra half (Earth) pony.

[RarityDash]

There have been a few discussions on broken horns before. Without reading the Application, I'll say that broken horns are allowed. It happens, but it is rare. If a horn is broken, a Unicorn will likely be unable to perform magic. If the horn is simply cracked, it's likely that magic will just be weakened. However, seeing as the horn is broken on the tip, Strongbuck likely cannot perform magic, or at least, very little and with some difficulty. Horns I believe grow back, but at such a slow rate a Unicorn with a break that bad would never reach their full magical potential.

Putting a horn back on would do little good. Like snapping a branch off a tree and then trying to reconnect it, it's not going to grow with the rest of the tree anymore.

All right, thanks for the clarification on that matter, Tales.

[WildGambit]

EDIT: Overhauling character. To see if I can make him less 'trying to be special' and 'unoriginal' But with such 'poor and lazy' character writing abilities as I must surely have... I doubt I can save him, since the advice you gave basically says to remove everything he is.

Yes, I am a bit sour about your phraseology. I feel that the 'always be positive' and 'don't just shoot everything down' advice in the critiquing guidelines are a little lost here. I mean, I'm not in any way saying that I disagree, or you are wrong... but... I do feel the way you have voiced your opinions here was a little... rough.

[WildGambit]

There, I've given him an overhaul to see if I could make it less 'poor and lazy'... So I hope you find it less offensive now.

[RarityDash]

I never said I was offended by the character. The purpose of my critique was to help you improve the character as well as assure it adhered to the rules and decisions made by our RP team. For your information, the "Application Critiquing Guidelines" thread you read pinned in this section is aimed at regular users in an effort to keep them from going after each other's applications, over stepping their bounds or getting in the way of the work of the RP helper team. Those are not the guidelines we on the RP Helper team are expected to follow. On the contrary, it is our job to deliver the difficult verdicts on what will and won't be allowed in character apps.

That said, I've looked at the application now, and I see much improvement. I don't imagine you will have to wait long for it to be approved now.

[WildGambit]

Well, whilst I agree that you are doing a job which could be hard and tricky at times, I really really feel that a bit of politeness would go a long way, despite you being exempt from needing to be so. You could have put things to me a little more gently than you did, since I showed no initial sign of being difficult with you in the application, I think terms such as 'poor and lazy' and 'unoriginal' were completely unwarranted when I was doing nothing to contest what you were saying.

That said, I acknowledge that the character needed work, I knew he would, I am still new here, and am testing the boundaries... so a little gentleness in the way you put your criticisms to newbies might result in less hurt feelings. As you saw, I was willing to change the character to make it more agreeable to your rules... I am not knocking WHAT you said, I am merely saying that the way you said it was harsh.

This not being the place to discuss this though, I shall digress, and hope that we can get along better in the future.

[Imagination]