StarStorm Posted July 21, 2012 Report Share Posted July 21, 2012 (First time application writing, please help me learn if I did anything incorrectly or if I need to fix anything. Thank you:3)Roleplay Type:World of EquestriaName:Star StormSex:FemaleAge:FoalSpecies:PegasusEye Color:YellowCoat Color:Medium blueMane/Tail/Markings Color & Style:Mane and tail are jet black. Hair is big, like Vinyl Scratch's but without quite as many points. Tail is very short and spiky.Physique:Very thin, very short. She's a small pony.Cutie Mark:Not yet obtained, she has some growing up to do firstOrigin/Residence:CloudsdaleOccupation:Drop outMotivation:Star Storm would really like to improve her musical abilities, as she's still sort of new to her instrument. (Guitar) Other than that, she currently doesn't dream for much.. She might dream for a hoof to hold every once in awhile.. Mostly a better life. She's usually more concerned about trying to find a place to sleep that night.Likes: (optional)Star Storm absolutely LOVES chocolate milk! She also likes punk rock and being petted or held. She likes when ponies believe her fibs. She loves calling ponies "Scamp" and using the word "Radical!"Dislikes: (optional)Star is really really really reeaaalllyyy afraid of the dark. She hates being caught in a lie. Also, she is really cautious around nerds or know-it-alls, because she can't trick them as easily as other ponies. She dislikes breaking her wings. (She tends to break them fairly often)Character Summary:Star was born into Equestria as a mere child of nature.. an orphan. She was adopted by a stallion who was never really there for her, and sort of learned some creative ways to get by, even resulting to thievery sometimes. She called him "Pap." She really enjoyed the freedom of not having too many rules to follow, but knows in her heart that she has no desire to stay there. That IS where she's staying for now, however. She has a grandmother who lives very close that loves her dearly. She used to sleep at her house quite a bit, and still does when she can't find a friend to stay with. In the past, Star Storms grandmother has invited her to move in with her, but Star just doesn't like how she tries to civilize her so much. Star Storm can be a bit of a rascal at times. Gramma Storm gave her three plastic glowy stars, which Star would take with her everywhere. She always puts them up wherever her current "home" is, and seeing as she believes that home is where the heart is, she'll sometimes leave them with a friend that she is currently apart from, sort of to symbolically say that her heart is still with them. (But only if she knows she'll get them back!) When she was a younger foal, she didn't attend flight school (or regular schooling, for that matter) very often because she just didn't want to wake up for it, and then when she DID go to either one, she'd tend to get in trouble.. And then she'd just get in even MORE trouble for not going. It got so bad that she eventually just decided to drop out. Star Storm is very street smart. She's very quick with her mind, and likes trying to get ponies to believe things that aren't true, just to see if she can do it. She can become sad about things fairly easily, but she's definately a character, because she can change gears in a heartbeat. She's not strong, emotionally nor physically, but she is always very loyal to those who are truely her friends.Edits: (Thanks bunches for your feedback Mojo!)*Fixed living condition*Fixed occupation*Touched up personality a tad to be more in the spirit-Second time around edits-*Star once again is without a home*Star sometimes steals when she needs to in order to get by--Third time edits- (Thanks for helping me get her approved, Helix :3)*Now lives at home, sometimes with grandma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojo Posted July 21, 2012 Report Share Posted July 21, 2012 Hi StarStorm!I must say that for a first application, this is very good!All of the fields are complete and you seem to have put a lot of thought into his character.There's just a few things I'd suggest to make this app even better!First of all, you have her Occupation listed as "Theif, Street guitarist, trickster." Being a 'thief' for a living really isn't in the spirit of the MLP FiM cartoon show. She could be crafty, a prankster and 'street smart', but to consistantly steal from others just wouldn't pass muster for one so young in any Equestrian city, even Cloudsdale. I can totally understand Star Storm not doing well in (or not wanting to attend) Flight School, since it sounds like a voluntary thing (like a girl joining the Girl Scouts). However, as a foal, even an orphaned foal, it would be assumed that she'd be going to elementary school and have no need for an 'Occupation.' If you are saying that Star Storm is basically fending for herself, that's a situation that probably wouldn't happen in Equestria Mane RP. Someone would be looking out for her. And that brings me to the second thing I'd like to point out. I'm not clear from the Character Summary where Star Storm is living. You mention this stallion 'Pap' and a 'Gramma Storm' in the past tense. Does this imply that she's living out 'on the streets' by herself? As I said before, I don't think this would be acceptable for the Mane RP as she would at least need to have a guardian or relative to live with. However, since the rules are different for Crossover RP, Star Storm COULD live out 'on her own' in the arena of Crossover characters.If you want her to be in the Mane RP, I would suggest that she live with someone and have no need of an 'Occupation' other than attending school, playing and making friends. No foal (or anyone for that matter) should be forced to grow up too quickly. There are many foal characters in Equestria (I have one myself) who'd love to befriend Star Storm! But if your heart is set on her being a 'foal of the streets,' then you could choose to app her as a Crossover.I hope these suggestiona help, we here at Canterlot.com want everyone to have a pleasant, enjoyable RP experience. If I can be of further service, let me know! You have the makings of a great character here! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StarStorm Posted July 21, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2012 Really? Thank you, I try! Although I love this character dearly, I'm more than willing to change her up some. I'll do it right now in fact:3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StarStorm Posted July 21, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2012 Sweet, fixed her up ^^ Would be awesome to get her revaluated. Thanks bunches:3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojo Posted July 22, 2012 Report Share Posted July 22, 2012 StarStorm, it appears I was incorrect in one of my assumptions. Your original app on Star Storm where she was an orphan living on the streets IS an acceptable lifestyle in Mane RP. One of my superiors informed me that this was ok. Also, although 'thief' shouldn't be listed as her 'Occupation,' if she is living on the streets and has to steal food to live, that is also acceptable. I apologize for my errors in guiding you. I'm relatively new to being a RP Helper and I was unaware of the things my superiors pointed out. To quote Derpy Hooves: "Oops, my bad!" Sorry about all this.The bottom line is, if you want to re-edit Star Storm's app to reflect this new information, please do. She is your character after all and we certainly want you to maintain the original vision you had for her, if you like.Again, I am sorry for giving you wrong information. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StarStorm Posted July 22, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2012 No worries, it's toooootally fine :3 Thank you for letting me know. I think I'll probably just change her back then. So.. After that.. Would you say she's good to go..? ^#^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RCTwilightSparkle Posted July 22, 2012 Report Share Posted July 22, 2012 Sorry Starstorm,I'll be stepping in here for Mojo. As a foal your pony can't live on her own, it would be like a 10 year old human living on their own and isn't something we allow in mane RP. As for school, flight school is different from regular school, did she also drop out of that? Something to keep in mind, if she is a filly aged pony, she is allowed to live on her own as long as she has some way of supporting herself and paying her rent. That may work out better (and she could still be a blank flank a few years into fillyhood).- Helix Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StarStorm Posted July 22, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2012 It's cool, they were all honest mistakes.Alright, well I'll fix her back up then:3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StarStorm Posted July 23, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2012 All fixed up! Good to go..? ^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojo Posted July 24, 2012 Report Share Posted July 24, 2012 Hi StarStorm, it's me again!This is a great app! I will recommend it to Senior Staff to move it along in the application process! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StarStorm Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 24, 2012 Thank you Mojo! Hey, I actually have one quick question about ages. I'm thinking that she's around the same age as the cutie mark crusaders, would that be foal..? Or is that like.. Filly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armony Posted July 24, 2012 Report Share Posted July 24, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StarStorm Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 24, 2012 HAPPYFACE!!! Thank you guys so much! ^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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