Marnax Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 Name: Argent AegisSex: MaleAge: ColtSpecies: UnicornPelt Color: Tannish BrownMane/Tail Color/Style: Dark Brown and in a practically short style.Eye Color: Greenish hazelCutie Mark: A longsword.Physique: Somewhat skinny, but in very good shape from the amount of exercise his job entails.Residence: Canterlot.Occupation: Castle Guard Night Watch RookieMotivation: To do what's right, protect the royal family, and to fight for EquestriaCharacter Summary: Argent is a friendly colt, devoted to his job and is very serious when he's on duty. When he's relaxing however, he is very enjoyable company, except if you bring up his dad, who died. Argent has been considering a visit to Ponyville lately, as he has a few days leave he needs to use. Argent acts oddly sometimes, and talks a lot. In fact, Argent himself is used to odd things happening, and if he were to see himself, he would simply greet him. Argent's family lives in Fillydelphia, and his sister is raising a goat kid she adopted. Argent is somewhat a cynic. Argent enjoys reading, fighting criminals, experimenting with new spells, and hot air balloons, which he has been setting money aside to buy one of for years. Argent does not like getting stabbed, boredom, tea, or idiots.He was born in Fillydelphia, and when he was a young colt, there was a attempted burglary, and he managed to stop it when he managed to take the burglar by surprise, and knocked him out with a board. The guards who took the criminal away complimented him, and one told him he would make a good guard.Argent, inspired, then decided that guarding was what he wanted to do, and that's how he got his cutie mark of a longsword.His family is very proud of him, even the sister who always mocked him, and still does. Argent's job mostly consists of patrolling the castle at night. His greatest failure was when he was still in the city guard, when they had almost caught a notorious criminal, and there was a rooftop chase. He had almost caught up, when a crossbow bolt slammed into his side, knocking him off the roof, and out of duty temporarily. Upon his recovery, he was transferred to the castle guard, where he has been ever since. Argent would have quit, but then... she arrived. Luna, the most beautiful mare he had ever seen. He was in love with her from the moment he first set eyes on her, and dreams of marrying her, having a family and becoming a military officer. He as never been afraid of her, despite her previous troubles, and feels sympathy for her being widely feared, and thinks they have a lot in common. He honestly feels that if it were necessary, he would gladly die to save her, even if it meant never achieving that dream. If he met her outside of the course of his duty, he would most likely sputter a lot and be generally awkward about it, but still thinks she would return those feelings, but has no clue how he would tell her about his feelings.If he's in a fight and things are going his way, he tends to take lots of risks, and that could be his downfall. He's is a excellent fighter, and sometimes uses magic for a advantage, but doing so is a last chance opportunity, as it takes a lot out of him. He has managed to get some leave to attend the gala this year, which he mysteriously got a ticket for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marnax Posted June 8, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 I read another application, and found that ponies aren't supposed to have last names. I don't have many ideas fro that. Maybe Sword Sharpen? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyLittlePonyTales Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 This is a good start, but try going a little more in depth with the character. When/why did he move to Canterlot? Was he born there, or in Fillydelphia? What does he do for his job? How did he get his Cutie Mark? What does his family think of his job? What has he accomplished in life? What has he failed at? What does he hope to accomplish/grow up to do?Also what is Scumble? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thunder Boomer Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 Does the name "Marnax" have a particular meaning that I'm not aware of? Because as is, it doesn't sound like a particularly pony sounding name to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marnax Posted June 8, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 Here's your answers.He was born in Fillydelphia, and there was a attempted burglary, and he managed to stop it. The guards who took the criminal away complimented him, and one told him he would make a good guard. Marnax then decided that guarding was what he wanted to do, and that's how he got his cutie mark of a longsword. His family is very proud of him, even the sister who always mocked him, and still does. Marnax's job mostly consists of patrolling the castle at night. His greatest failure is when he was still in the city guard, when they had almost caught a notorious criminal, and there was a rooftop chase. He had almost caught up, when a crossbow bolt slammed into his side, knocking him off the roof, and out of duty temporarily. Upon his recovery,he was transferred to the castle guard, where he has been ever since. Marnax would have quit, but then... she arrived. Luna, the most beautiful mare he had ever seen. He was in love with her from the moment he first set eyes on her, and dreams of marrying her, having a family and becoming a military officer.Scumble is a extremely alchoholic beverage originally from the popular megaseries, Discworld, where it is made from apples. Well, mostly apples.Marnax is a name I came up with for Evony about a year or two ago, and I've been using it ever since. It just seemed like a good warrior name. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thunder Boomer Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 Editing your application to include your answers would be most helpful in expanding your pony's profile. Expanding even further upon them, would help even more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marnax Posted June 8, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 I'm not sure on how to expand on them, but I'll try. Any suggestions for a more pony like name? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WillowWisp Posted June 8, 2011 Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 I think you should take out the drink from Discworld. It's not cannon to MLP which makes it seem like you're attempting to crossover the two. Also as of now the app reads a lot like a list. It's still rather vague when it comes to details. Example, you say he managed to stop a burglary. How? And at what age is this? Because you currently have him listed at a colt which is like a teenager, and a doubt he was able to stop a robbery as a child. As for names, try using some descriptive words to make a pony like name. In the show the characters' names relate to their talents and who they are. Something like Silver Blade would be more fitting that what you have right now which appears to just be a made up word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marnax Posted June 8, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 8, 2011 I'd do stallion, but Marnax is still young, about early 20s, and I'm not sure that really counts as a stallion.I'll take out the scumble, and change his name. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyLittlePonyTales Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 We really don't like to use ages for things because we don't know how long ponies live. Perhaps you could say that he was a young Colt when he stopped the burglar, and now he's an older Colt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marnax Posted June 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 Good idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyLittlePonyTales Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WillowWisp Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 Just a note, you may want to go back through your app because half the time you have one name for him, and the other times, a different one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manestream Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 I am not confident that the band part fits in with your OC; while we as people have many interests (as do ponies), the wanting to create a band and play guitar comes waaaaaaay out of left field for this app about an OC who really enjoys being a guard.I think this application is bare-bones still, and just on the cusp of passing. When reading through the bio, it still feels like reading a list about the pony; and it doesnt help me to understand the OC's thoughts or emotions enough- which are a very big part of an OC.For example, you bring in his love of Luna, which apparently is large enough for him to want to marry her and have a family with her (which is fine to want, you just cant force it on anypony), and you describe all of that within 2-3 short sentences; where to really get across how he feels about her should take at least one well developed paragraph.What are his dreams for his profession? How does he feel about his 'failure'? Why does he want to go to ponyville, away from Luna whom he apparently loves? How did his father die, and why does it make him angry for it to be brought up?I think with another pass through your app you can flesh out the facets of your OC that make him unique and multi-dimensional. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marnax Posted June 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 I'll work on him more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skye Posted June 22, 2011 Report Share Posted June 22, 2011 Per Mane, he's been approved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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