Pegasus Tawny [Ready]

[GingerbreadSpy]

Roleplay Type: Mane RP

Name: Tawny

Sex: Male

Age: Young colt

Species: Pegasus

Eye colour: Sky blue

Coat: Sand-coloured

Mane/Tail: Tawny's mane and tail are impossibly curly, and every attempt to straighten them out has resulted in horrible failure. His mane and tail are a single colour: light brown.

Physique: Tawny is a little taller and skinnier than most colts his age, and his wings are perhaps far larger than they should be. This not only lends to giving him an awkward appearance, but it also makes him an ungraceful flyer. The good thing about having big wings and a light frame, though, is that he can endure flying a little longer than other colts his age.

Residence: Cloudsdale

Occupation: Too young for a job.

Cutie Mark: Blank Flank

History: Tawny was born in Cloudsdale to two Pegasus parents: a Canterlot guard and a weather factory worker specializing in the making of lightning. Because of his father's guard duties in Canterlot, Tawny doesn't get to spend a lot of time with him. This has given him a lot of conflicting feelings towards his father. On the one hoof, he resents his father because of his absence. On the other hoof, he wants to make the most of the time he does have with his father, and so he tries very hard to do whatever he thinks will please his father, even if he doesn't like doing those things. Tawny often thinks his father is sterner and more intimidating than he really is (when his father isn't being a guard, he's actually a kind of laid-back guy who would be proud of his son, no matter what). Tawny gets along well with his mother; although, her tendency to bring her work home with her has caused more than a few mishaps around the house. This has caused him to come to the conclusion that his mother spends WAY too much time with hazardous lightning.

His mother does care quite a lot for him, and if she is working with something particularly dangerous, she will send him off to stay with one of his many uncles, aunts, or older cousins. This has resulted in Tawny having traveled more than the average colt and has kept him from being too much of a shut-in at home. At school, Tawny does well and remains diligent in his studies, not because he has a vested interest in academics or athletics, but because he doesn't see any reason why he shouldn't do the best he can. He's been in school for a short while, and while he has met a few friendly acquaintances, it hasn't yet blossomed into any full-fledged friendships. Because he is still a young colt, he hasn't had much in the way of life experiences. Perhaps the only event of interest in his life is the time he ended up in the wrong car on the train to Canterlot to visit his father. It was a car full of elder ponies that he had never met, and so, for part of the trip before his mother found him, he was regaled with stories of the "good, old days." Rather than being bored, though, it helped keep him from getting too worried about being on the wrong car and calmed him. Since then, he has had a deep respect for elderly ponies and enjoys their company.

Right now, Tawny is hoping to make a few friends with whom he can hang out on a regular basis. The other thing he's hoping for is getting his cutie mark. Because he is under the (mistaken) impression that his father wants him to follow in his footsteps, Tawny often pretends/practices being a guard pony, even though, this usually doesn't work out well for him or make him too happy. Even though he is still young and has plenty of time to get his cutie mark, he can't help but try to hurry it along because the pressure of whether knowing if his cutie mark will be acceptable to his father or not is too much for him to handle.

Character Summary: Tawny is most adequately described as a nervous wreck. He's pretty convinced that if there's a possibility things will go wrong, they will go horribly, horribly wrong. He has numerous fears (a fear of the dark, fear of creepy crawly things, fear of scary creatures, fear of lightning *perfectly legitimate fear given his background*, fear of clowns, fear of sharp objects, claustrophobia, etc.). He is a nice enough colt, pleasant, polite, and in the middle of the introvert/extrovert spectrum. He often acts as a voice of reason when it comes to avoiding dangerous situations... although, sometimes, there are situations he deems dangerous that aren't dangerous at all, in which case, his voice of reason becomes more of a voice of not-reason. Unfortunately. being a push-over combined with his need to try to be brave (because he's so sure it's what his dad would want him to do) means that he tends to give in too easily.

Tawny enjoys keeping things clean and organized, but he's not obsessive about it or afraid of dirty things, as evidenced by the fact that he also enjoys spending time on beaches, soaking up the sun or building sand castles (he doesn't swim). He likes reading (usually fiction aimed at his age group), but he's not quite a bookworm, and he prefers listening to stories that people tell him more than anything else, especially elder ponies. He also likes to sing when he thinks no one is listening. Other things he likes includes coffee (most of his relatives refuse to let him have any under their watch, given that it just makes him more edgy to the point of being almost unbearable), birds, cinnamon rolls, corn, and peaches.

Tawny, being as nervous as he is and so easily startled, obviously doesn't handle being pranked too well, and it's one of the few things that will make him put his hoof down and cause a confrontation with someone. He can handle joking, even jokes at his own expense, but pranks are just too much for him. He also won't put up with rudeness or a lack of respect towards older ponies. He doesn't like competitive sports/games, and he really doesn't work well under pressure or a time limit. Other things he dislikes (besides some of the things he fears, of course) include tomatoes, cold weather, babies (it's not so much that he dislikes them; he just feels very, very, very uncomfortable around them), and cats.

[Elderflower]

Hi there GBS! I'm the helpstaffer that will be giving you a hoof with this app!

I know this is tagged as a WiP but if you could add that to the title it'd be very helpful, and then you can title it as [Ready] when you're ready for review. Thanks!

[GingerbreadSpy]

I think that about covers it. Lemme know if I need to make any changes.

[Elderflower]

Hi again!

Now that you've marked your app as ready I have a few things I'd like to address before I'm ready to pass this up to SRP.

First things first: The name Dusty is actually already taken, and unfortunately you'll have to find a new name for your character.

In terms of the content of your app, things are looking pretty good so far! I do have some pointers, however.

1. As it stands right now, your history section is bare and focuses too much on your character's relationship with his parents. While you can touch on that in the history section, describing relationships is more fitting for the character summary section. You should expand this section, and try to think about how your character has lived his young life so far! How has growing up in Cloudsdale been treating him, how does he spend his days? How have his past experiences shaped him as he is now? You could, for example, talk about how his school life has been while he's been growing up, about friends he's made! You can also try tying together elements from his character summary: you mention his strong dislike for pranks, so why not explain his past experiences with pranks that would give him such a strong distaste towards them?

2. The description of your character's mother and her instability is striking me as a little bizarre. It seems to be vaguely referencing a mental disorder or illness, which is not appropriate for World of Equestria roleplay. This will have to be removed - why not try making her an eccentric instead?

If you take my pointers into consideration and edit your app, I think you'll be very well on your way to having this character accepted! If you have any more questions don't hesitate to ask! I think Dusty's a pretty adorable character - reminds me of Arnold from The Magic Schoolbus! I was always a fan of his. c:

[GingerbreadSpy]

I am definitely not referencing a mental illness (she's fine, just overenthusiastic about her work). I'll reword it (I didn't think it came off as such, given the silliness involved, but I'll take care of it.)

I'll work on expanding on things, then.

Thank you for the pointers.

Heeeeeey, wait just a second.

History:[colour=#663366]Describe in detail your character's history. Tell us all about his or her life. Be as creative and descriptive as you can, darling; with any truly great design, true perfection comes in the details! As a general guideline, these are some of the basic questions you might consider answering about your pony in this section:[/colour]

• [colour=#663366]Where was your character born?[/colour]
  
• [colour=#663366]How was life for him or her growing up?[/colour]
  
• [colour=#663366]Who are his or her parents and how do they get along with your character?[/colour]
  
• [colour=#663366]Is there any other family we should know about?[/colour]
  
• [colour=#663366]What is his or her life like now?[/colour]
  
• [colour=#663366]How did your character get to where he or she is?[/colour]
  
• [colour=#663366]Where does he or she hope to go from here?[/colour]
  

[Elderflower]

I understand the point you're making, but one suggestion from that list shouldn't be the singular focus of your history section. In order to better understand a character and how it will play in WoE, we like to see different facets of their personality and experiences!

That said, with the changes you made I'm ready to send this up the ladder! Twitchy's a really cute character! c:

[RarityDash]

Hi there.

This is a good application and I'd be happy to stamp it now. However I have one issue with what I'm seeing that I would want addressed before that. I'm really not sure about the character's name. To be twitchy is to either be characteristically anxiety ridden or to posses a visible physical twitch, neither a particularly positive trait. We prefer characters not be given names with negative connotations, as the idea of the parents giving these names to their children doesn't really fit with the spirit of FiM or WoE. As such, we would prefer if another name was chosen.

Thanks!

[GingerbreadSpy]

Gugh... another name change. Honestly, I think Twitchy is cute. ... But very well. I'll come up with yet another.

[Rosewind]

You missed an instance of the name, mate:

This has resulted in [colour=#ff0000]Twitchy [/colour]having traveled more than the average colt and has kept him from being too much of a shut-in at home.

[GingerbreadSpy]

Yes, right, well... I'm gonna go to the corner and quietly explode now.

Fixed, by the way.

[RarityDash]

Awesome. That's all we needed.