Unicorn River Song [Ready!]

[River]

Roleplay Type: WoE

Name: River Song

Sex: Female

Age: Older Filly

Species: Unicorn

Eye Colour: Turqouise with an occasional dark blue or white fleck.

Coat: River's coat is a cloudy light blue that fades into white around the hooves.

Mane/Tail: Her mane and tail are a dark navy blue with the occasional black streak. They fall in log waves till the height of her underside. River's man is parted in the side and falls to the right of her head. On special occasions, she might weave in a small string of pearls.

Physique: River is a small pony, though she's a filly well on her way to marehood. Her body is slightly disproportionate to her legs, being too small and giving her a rather awkward appearance.

Residence: Trottingham

Occupation: Student

Cutie Mark: Three silver swirls that interlock at the sides in the form of a triangle. River got her mark when she was just a young filly, after a particularly bad day at school. She had retreated to one of her favourite hide outs, a secluded bank at the river that she had found one day on her explorations for a quiet spot. There she played her self made reed pipe, loving how each note beckoned to her invitingly. The music seemed to sooth her, to calm her. It washed away her hurt and her pain, and took away her weariness. It was then that she realized she couldn't simply live without music, that it was her life. That was how she got her cutie mark. To her, the silvery sheen of her mark resembled the colour of the lake she so loved on a sunny day. The curved lines that formed her mark represented the fluid and graceful style that her music took. Last but not least, the interlocking of the swirls showed how each note of hers could seem to merge and run together to produce a beautiful melody.

History: River grew up as a foal in Seasaddle Bay with her older sister, Coral Gem. She wasn't very close with her parents- they often worked early in the morning to the late of the night. They were workaholics, so to say. River wasn't even sure of what they did. Ever since she was born, River had been different from the rest of the ponies.

River Song was born a mute.

That however, didn't affect much. Her sister strove to raise her as normally as possible- just like the other ponies. River learnt to write, though not very neatly, at a young age and became adept at expressing herself through her body language. Just before she started primary school, Coral (now a well off mare from her jewellery business) decided that a slower life in a smaller community might be better for River, so she moved them to Trottingham. It would be good for business during the tourist seasons, and peaceful in the winter. Once there, the sisters fell in love with the beauty of the lakes and spent many afternoons having picnics at the shore and swimming as well.

One day, a traveling troupe passed through. They had ponies that did the most spectacular tricks and the most exquisite dances. That wasn't what enchanted River though. She fell in love with the music. The mare that provided the tunes played a simple pipe. The filly decided that she would one day learn to play like that as well. With her sister's blessing, she set out to the local music store to find herself a pipe. Unfortunately, they had pianos and violins, tubas to harmonicas, but no pipe. The stallion that helped out at the store pitied her and taught her how to make her own. It took her many tries to craft one to her liking, but she made it in the end. Playing the notes needed a bit of practice at first, but once she got used to the feel of the it, the melodies came naturally.

River decided that she liked that feeling of accomplishment, though it couldn't compare to the happiness she lt while playing her pipe, and decided to pour her efforts into both composing and her studies. It didn't matter that she didn't have the smarts to continually top the class, because she still had her good grades in the end. Not to mention that it made her sister proud. That was enough to make River happy. Now she's in the first year of secondary school, and life can't be any better.

Character Summary: River is often found as calm and serene like the lake waters she loves so much. However, under stormy weather, the water can be choppy and turbulent. Just like the water, her mood is versatile and can change in a blink of an eye. River is extremely emotional and can often be found happy one minute and bawling the next.

River is also hardworking and determined when she sets her mind on things. Because of this, she can be extremely stubborn as well, even when she knows she is wrong. The filly can also be prideful and defensive, especially when she thinks somepony is trying to undermine or underestimate her.

River can also be caring and kind, often to her family and close friends, and will go out of her way to try and help them. She's quick to forgive and wipe clean the slate. Her trust, however, is not so easily regained. Promises are scared to this filly, probably due to the fact that when she was young, Coral had never broken a promise she made.

Hobbies of River's include playing her pipe, quite obviously, and composing tunes. Other than that,she enjoys reading up on magic and a good challenge when it comes to spells. She really likes spending time with other ponies, discussing a new spell or something.

River is also something of a neat freak. She can't stand messes, and not just the physical ones. River has a low tolerance for unnecessary drama, as well as ponies who have the can't be bothered attitude though she tries her best to be patient. Sometimes, by paying attention to the small details, she misses out on the big picture.

[VioletAllure]

I'm not a RPH, but wanted to offer my two bits

You have a really engaging writing style, its very easy to picture what your describing.

It would probably be best if you said you weren't close to your parents, not that you didn't know them.

And ponies don't get bullied for being different in Equestria, (from reading the WOE guidelines, bullying victim is frowned upon as a character trope)

Still, I had fun reading her, and hope you get to play her soon.

...

[starswirlthebearded]

Hey there! Before I review this app, I would like to kindly ask that you fix the formatting. The only things that should be bolded are the titles of each section of the application.

So it should look like

Roleplay Type: WoE

Thanks!

[River]

I've edited the formatting accordingly, and tweaked her character and history accordingly. ^^ Ready for inspection, sir! (Or ma'am, whatever suits. ^^)

[VioletAllure]

Formatting looks good to my untrained eye now.

Theres on little bit where you use colt instead of filly. (History paragraph 3, line 1)

You might be asked to expand on her like, dislikes or hobbies in Character summary.

Maybe explain what the spells that helped her interact with others were in character history.

(Sorry for being nitpicky, )

[starswirlthebearded]

Hey! Sorry for the delay, and thanks muchly for changing the formatting so promptly!

Overall Melody Pond River Song seems to be a pretty good character. There are a few things I'd have you change before considering her for WoE.

First thing is pretty simple. The eye colour can't be changing. No pony in the show can do this, and as such our RP reflects this (Even in real life you can't change eye colour so easily). So just change the eye colour to a static one, and that will be fixed.

The CM story is overall good. It seems a bit short to me, but it gets the point across so it should be fine!

The next thing is, like the first issue, an easy fix...

Ever since she was born, River had been different from the rest of the ponies, and not in a good way either.

This line is wholly unnecessary. It depicts the mute nature of your character as something bad, which it clearly isn't as you put into your history to explain. Really no handicap is bad. ponies and people alike adapt to make the best of everything.

After that... When River moves to Trottingham with her sister, is her sister a Mare by this point? Please make that point clear. Thanks!

Next is something similar to the other quote...

Under Coral's tutelage, she managed to master several spells that would help her interact with others.

Really... that isn't what magic is for. Learning how to levitate a stick to write, isn't a spell to learn how to communicate, that is adapting a common unicorn ability (that I'm sure many unicorns do, including Twilight) to make writing anywhere simpler. Magic should never be used as a crutch for a handicap.

Other than that, your history seems a bit short. I'm sure you can expand it a bit to go into how she learned and became better at music (since that is her special talent). Heck, you can even make it so that she learned how to communicate her feelings and emotions through her music. There are many ways you can make this character unique and engaging by expanding their history without using magic as a crutch or falling into tropes associated with handicapped characters.

And your character summary is good too

I just want you to keep something in mind... Though magic is a powerful tool it isn't a cure all. Nor can most ponies use it like Twilight, she is unique in her ability to learn any sort of magic proficiently. Now while studying magic is fine, performing it is another matter entirely. Please keep that in mind with this character!

If you have any further questions please don't hesitate to ask!

[River]

Thanks for replying so quickly I've made the changes, elaborated a bit more in the history as well as tweaked the magic part a bit. Hopefully the app is better now ^^

[RarityDash]

Looks good!