Smoky Gears [Ready]

[Novaburst]

Name: Smoky Gears

Gender:  Male

Age: Stallion

Species: Unicorn

Eye colour: Red

Character colour: Black and silver.

Mane/Tail/Other:  His mane is colored black, with a gold streak. His tail is black, and crimson.

Physique:  Athletic for a Unicorn.

Residence: Migrant

Occupation: Inventor

 

 

 

Cutie Mark:  Three Gears, a crystal, and a wrench.

Unique Traits:  Smoky Gears is a pony with an obsession with mechanical and magical combinations, and prefers to learn more about science, so he can combine it with magic, and make powerful  tools. Smoky Gears has a tendency to talk mainly about his inventions, and books he's read so he's more at home with the adventurous types, or the technically minded. Smoky prefers electrical magic, or light based magic, but can use other kinds of magic SHOULD he need to.  Smoky however presently is unwilling to tap into Dark Magic, even as a potential power source for his machines.

 

History:

 

From an early age,  Smoky Gears has always had a desire to experiment with mechanical devices. Given one of his parents was a fairly wealthy Unicorn,  Smoky Gears was humored most of his life.  It was one day during school that he actually discovered his cutie mark. For it was the day of the science fair and there during the science fair, an invention of one of the ponies there went haywire, a laser that was powered by magic infused crystals. Leaping into action, Smoky Gears was quickly able to disable the object with a few well placed blasts of magic from his horn. Even though he was unable to win the science fair as his project had been destroyed, Smoky Gears managed to convince the pony to allow him to take the device home and learn exactly what had went wrong with the device. The device had been meant originally as a way to focus magical light until it's untimely malfunction.

 

With the device at his house,  Smoky Gears studied it for weeks after school and learned about how said device worked. But when he remembered it had destroyed his science fair project, he got himself a couple of ideas that such a device could be useful, if the beam of energy it shot was more controllable. Such a device could possibly be used for demolition, as well as a whole host of other applications, including shaving off mustaches and stuff like that.   Modifying the device until it was able to be saddle mounted,  Smoky Gears worked on the device after school, and on vacation days.

 

Earning his cutie mark one night, when he finished the device Smoky Gears went outside of Canterlot onto a different mountain, where a boulder sat.  Testing out the invention upon the boulder, Smoky Gears managed to punch a hole through the boulder.   Once this test had been successfully done, Smoky Gears returned home, impressed with his invention and the power it held. But it wasn't done... at least not yet anyway because he hadn't found a successful way to power it without magical light or in areas where there was minimal light.

 

Once he graduated from school,  Smoky opted not to go off to a university but instead to study on his own and learn from experience. Buying a mobile home to live in, with bits he earned from destroying old buildings with the laser,  Smoky's been traveling the world, trying to come up with new ideas for mechanical devices, and perhaps one day become a master of science.

 

 

 

 

Character Summary/Personality:

​

Smoky Gears is a pony who isn't content unless he has some mechanical device in his hooves or magical grip, and is constantly tinkering with them. When around other ponies,  Smoky Gears tries his best to be normal, but his brain is constantly thinking of mechanical devices that could improve the quality of life for ponies around him, and make him one step further to learning to fuse magic and science together.  Smoky Gears loves to read books,  including books on magic, and science. It's almost an obsession of his, to study the books.

 

Smoky Gears loves exploring places like abandoned castles,  because there's relics there he'd love to get his hooves on, and study.  While he does love studying relics Smoky also loves studying mechanical devices, the more advanced the better.  Around the princesses, he's likely to be less formal than calling them by their title, because he likes them but doesn't believe they should require every pony to call them by titles, such as Princess, or Prince, or other royal titles.

[QuickLime]

It might be just because I'm an old fogey or something,but I feel the constant emphasis on "snobby unicorns" is a bit stereotypical and doesn't really lend anything to the application

[Blueblood]

Hello!  Friendly neighborhood RP helper here.

 

I think there's really good potential for this character, but there needs to be a few changes to this app:

 

1.  Cutie Mark Story.  It's really a bit unrealistic that he would be able to repair and rebuild it to such an extent to make a fortune at that young age.  I'd think it'd be a bit better if he was allowed to take the wreck home, work on it until he finally understood how it was supposed to work, getting his cutie mark then.  Marketing the device would come after a few years of R&D.  The focus of a pony's cutie mark should be how their talent affects their personality, not how 'successful' it makes them.  Science is a patient discipline, and its practitioners would need to learn that.  If you emphasized that more in your app, it would make for a stronger 'backbone' to your character.

 

2.  Derivative descriptions.  "A bookaholic about as bad as a certain princess, when in a library Smoky Gears would read any books or scrolls about science and magic that are to be had, even that of dark magic."  We try to discourage cast references in OC apps unless absolutely necessary (such as major in-show events like the return of Nightmare Moon affecting their character off-screen from what the Mane 6 are doing).

 

3.  A little less focus on self-doubt.  It's not exactly a good advertisement for an RP with this character.

 

4.  References to unicorn snobbishness.  Even in Canterlot, snobs tend to be the minority.  Heck, not even Blueblood can be called one these days.  He can be a decent fellow without a description putting down his fellow-citizens

 

5.  Attitude towards Royalty.  A respecter of royalty would refer to the Princesses by title.  Someone who liked the Princesses, but didn't take their office seriously, would refer to them by name.  Both attitudes are acceptable for an OC, but not exactly compatible.

[Novaburst]

Edits completed, I do believe.

[Blueblood]

Hm... the workaholic parts of him still seem rather anti-social; it's going to be hard for him to really interact with most of the characters here.  Maybe instead of having him constantly being distracted, he tends to talk about his work a lot?  Or maybe he tends to hang out with the more technically-minded.  There are quite a lot of them in Equestria; and really, they're not going to look down on him for loving science.  There's adventurers, too, whom he could be comfortable with.

 

Keep in mind, this app is like an advertisement for your character, so it's reasonable to set out what sort of threads/storylines he's likely to be a part of.  That way, other players looking for a pony for an adventure RP or a magic-science symposium know they'll have a good time with you.

 

 

Also... "Duke" Celestia?  

Anyhow, the attitude's fine, just keep in mind that it might be a cause of in-character friction between him and any royalty, depending on the player.  Blueblood, for instance, probably cares most about his title (regardless of whether anypony thinks he deserves it).

[Novaburst]

Edited, to be acceptable I hope.

[Blueblood]

All right, I think Smoky's ready for a second review!  I think it might be wise, though, if you were to clarify his area of study; what sort of magic would he most likely be interested in, what sort would he not touch, etc.

[Novaburst]

The edits you wished have been completed.

[SteelEagle]