Pegasus One wing

[halofan303]

Name: One wing (his name is actually Atomos)

Sex: Male

Age: Stallion

Species: Pegasus

Pelt Color: Tanish brown

Mane/Tail/Markings Color & Style: Dark spiky mane, with a dark spiky tail, that has a black end.

Eye Color: Yellow

Cutie Mark: Orange poison stick, and a soul shield.

Physique: Healthy, with the exception of his one wing.

Origin: He was born and raised near clouds dale.

Roleplay Type: "Mane" RP

Occupation: Traveling slayer(or monster expert), herbalist and librarian of The ancients keep.

Motivation: To help and protect as many ponies as he can in his travels, to have fun, and to help in any potential battles/wars in the future.

Likes: Admiring beautiful scenes, telling tales and memories of his adventures, being around ponies hes met before and meeting new ones too, making potions, bread and pastries of many kinds and apples.

Dislikes:Having to explain things to someone then twice in the same conversation, making his potions wrong, his potions not working, his potions backfiring, having someone poke his damaged wing, getting dirty/covered in dirt.

Character Summary: Hes a overall nice and polite pony despite his lack of manners, he likes to help in most cases, but also has a short temper about various things. He is fairly smart, but lacks stamina. He usually takes things slow and easy, with the exception of physical work, then he rushes it. He has a tendency to talk too much, or rather, problems explaining things without it being too short, or too long. Due to the loss of his wing, he has a habit of looking at other pegasi fly.

History/past -short version(or it was suppose to be the short ):

He was raised near clouds dale, and tutored by one of the pegasi who made researched medicine and herbs. Atomos(which was his name at the time) was fascinated, and quite good at the things he learned from the elderly pegasi. He also spent much time in the libraries, reading various old books and scrolls. Alas, despite being excellent at herbalism, he had still not acquired his cutie mark.

So one day, when his teacher decided that he had learned most he could from him, Atomos decided to set out on an journey to find his cutie mark. He had traveled far and wide, until one day he stumbled upon a sky village, which was under attack by a giant winged monster, after having a struggling fight against the monster, utilizing both his herbalist abilities and his somewhat fair knowledge of monsters. He gained it, as it required both his herbalist knowledge and quick thinking. He lived in the small sky village of which he had saved from the beast, for sometime.

A warm summer evening, as Atomos was wondering through a forest. A stranger approached him, in panic and asked for assistance. unaware of the strangers intentions, he said he would see what he could do. They approached the massive cave, and the stranger told; "you have to help my friend, hes trapped in there by some monster." Atomos, aware of it would likely dangerous, he could not stand by while there was a pony in need pony in need.

he entered the cave cautiously, and quietly, as he went deeper into the dark cave he had the air began to smell of smoke. around a rather large stagmite he saw a large amount of treasure. At first glance it seemed suspicious, he moved slightly forward when he heard something shift. like large shards of metal, scratching against stone. The hair on Atomos's back rose and he turned pale as he slowly began backing away, knowing the creature within the cave was far too powerful, and he was too ill prepared. when suddenly there was a large, violent howling noise coming from the entrance of the cave. The once asleep dragon woke from this howl, spotting Atomos, and let out a massive screeching roar.

The swift stallion flew quickly, but not quickly enough. as the dragon breathed a violent wave of fire in his direction, he tried to avoid the flames but it seared a large portion of his left wing. with what was left of his burning wing he flew as fast as he could, crash landing in a river. the dragon circled the forest continually, but after not having found the stallion after some time he gave up and went back to his cave.

some hours later Atomos woke up on a river bank. with a burnt wing and weak energy he slowly began making his way back to the sky village...

laying down after a few hours of hiking, he looked back at his wing, seeing it was burnt to a deep, black crisp. he began feeling empty, from both the pain, and the loss of his wing. First tearing up, weeping and then crying in agony into the deep night. as the sun rose early that next morning he set out for the sky city.

Where he remained for many years, trying to adapt to not being able to fly, however his work required visiting the ground often, so he had made arrangements with some of the city's fliers to transport him between the ground and sky. as he resided within the city, many of the pegasi in the city began calling him one wing, after being fed up with the "joke" he decided to call himself it.

Years went by and months passed, having heard many rumors of an ancient, abandoned library, he decided to find this "library". He began traveling to the edge of Equestria, in search of the rumored library. It was told, that this library was made by an ancient civilization, and this part was what intrigued one wing the most. After having traveled across many landscapes, he had found the library, but also that there were various horrors within. after searching the library and the many books and scrolls it housed, he learned of many tales, horrors and miracles alike.

Upon leaving, he took as many of the books and scrolls that he found important on a rented wagon, there after he set off towards a forest below the sky city, and resided within a massive tree which he deemed "The ancients keep", still visiting the town from time to time as he did his research. As time passed. he became began having his urges to journey once more, and decided set off to wander Equestria. Helping and protecting anypony he could, and having fun along the way.

images;

http://bronies.wikia...le:One_wing.png

http://bronzethehedgehog303.deviantart.com/#/d47cavl

or http://bronies.wikia.com/wiki/File:One_wing.png

http://bronies.wikia.com/wiki/File:One_wing-brony_templet-.png

http://bronies.wikia.com/wiki/File:One_wing-detail_ref.png

[halofan303]

updated the application, as well as having removed and added a few aspects. Rewrote a few bits and pieces, and worked a bit with the grammar-just a bit-.

Updated/changed:

Age- edited

Occupation- edited

Physique- changed

Motivation- edited

Character summary- edited

History-edited

[halofan303]

updated/changed:

Name: removed the unnecessary chunk.

Age: changed.

Summary: edited.

History: edited.

Links: fixed

[halofan303]

Finished it.

[halofan303]

update/fixes/changes:

fixed/ removed:

removed chunks of side whisper

removed random code which randomly spawned for no reason.

changed/updated:

added a bit about one of his "envies" at the end at the summary

"spiced" the history a bit, no major changes but i fixed some grammar, rewrote some bits. conceptually its still the same though.

feedback would be much obliged :grin:

[MyLittlePonyTales]

â€ÂOccupation: Traveling slayerâ€Â

What does he slay?

“he prefers to avoid showing off, but does the occasional demonstration when he finds it appropriateâ€Â

What is it that he has to show off?

â€ÂHe set out on an adventure to find his cutie mark, and after slaying his first massive beast he gained it, as it required both herbalist skills and quick thinking.â€Â

Where/when did he learn herbalist skills?

â€Âthe tree told him he had also gained new mystical abilities. He was now capable of using weak magic/spells.â€Â

So far in show, Unicorns have been the only type of pony able to use magic. Pegasi and Earth ponies also have their own set of 'magic' though. Pegasi can walk on and move clouds and control the weather. Earth ponies are more in touch with the earth and the animals.

We'll have to run this part by Manestream when she's available.

â€ÂAfter he learned of this, he traveled back to the sky village training these knew powers. where he remained for some years.â€Â

How did One Wing get to the sky village if he couldn't fly anymore?

And what was One Wing called before he had just one wing? You have a good start, but there are still some unanswered questions.

[halofan303]

”Occupation: Traveling slayer”

What does he slay?

“he prefers to avoid showing off, but does the occasional demonstration when he finds it appropriate”

What is it that he has to show off?

”He set out on an adventure to find his cutie mark, and after slaying his first massive beast he gained it, as it required both herbalist skills and quick thinking.”

Where/when did he learn herbalist skills?

”the tree told him he had also gained new mystical abilities. He was now capable of using weak magic/spells.”

So far in show, Unicorns have been the only type of pony able to use magic. Pegasi and Earth ponies also have their own set of 'magic' though. Pegasi can walk on and move clouds and control the weather. Earth ponies are more in touch with the earth and the animals.

We'll have to run this part by Manestream when she's available.

”After he learned of this, he traveled back to the sky village training these knew powers. where he remained for some years.”

How did One Wing get to the sky village if he couldn't fly anymore?

And what was One Wing called before he had just one wing? You have a good start, but there are still some unanswered questions. :smile:

thanks for the feedback!

...I'm not sure how i over saw those parts several times though...curse my logic... :!:

well ill get straight to improving it,

as to answer the questions -so i got something to work with when i edit it-

i assume that a sky city would have transportation for non-pegasi, perhaps he was assisted by friends? maybe there was a ladder? heck maybe he had a pet gargoyle that took him up and down, maybe he rode a blasted cloud car(joke) for all we know!!!.....i should make a full note pad list before i make a specific choice though

as for the bit about the "magic"

the concept behind letting him get it was so he could do the more passive side of his set, without as much difficulty.

ever tried mixing potions with hooves? .... i don't think its easy.

but it probably would be wise to have manestream look it over when she has time and is bored.

well why was rainbow dash called rainbow dash? why was pinkie pie called pinkie pie? whyd they call granny smith granny smith? was she always a granny?

In the the original "one wing" concept his origin name was Atem, but i thought it was a bit much to add onto the already big massive pile of things.

"what does he slay"

well, ever heard of the term "slayer"?

its like a occupation, sort of, "slayers" specialize in slaying monsters which usually require special tools or knowlage to rid of,

such as; cockatrice's, basilisks, living slime, giant invincible winged boars, jelly monsters banshees. stuff like that, but also normal threats...

though the occupation itself is from various rpg games i used to play...

so i usually refer to it as someone who knows "how" to deal with most things. like a fighting monster encyclopedia

though this doesn't mean he can instantly kill everything, it means he knows when to be brave, and when to be a scoot-scootaloo(chicken)

~long story short; it pretty much is meant to mean that hes smarter around monsters then the average pony.

.... didn't i write he was privately tutored? i could have sword...

similar with the show off bit, i could of sworn I've removed it like twice now... maybe the code is trolling me again...

*ehm*

but anyways thanks for the feedback, and ill get working on alot of it right away ^^

gibberish that i felt like saying out of tired brain fluids:

-good gosh i let my mouth run too much when its around 3 am

-oh and in the case you forget why i wrote this after you read it; i answered the questions to have material to work with when i edit

-and ill write a update reply/post when I've updated the app, this here post/reply is more of a reminder for when I'm awake...and to potentially answer some questions...

[MyLittlePonyTales]

well why was rainbow dash called rainbow dash? why was pinkie pie called pinkie pie? whyd they call granny smith granny smith? was she always a granny?

In the the original "one wing" concept his origin name was Atem, but i thought it was a bit much to add onto the already big massive pile of things.

Rainbow Dash ALWAYS had rainbow hair and was fast. And, if you recall, Piknie's real name was Pinkamena Diane Pie. So her name is an alternation of her real name. Pinkie Pie has always been pink, and pie seems to be kind of like a last name would be in our world. But all along, her name alluded to her special talent-baking!

One Wing isn't a name somepony would give their child. And it wouldn't make sense, seeing as his wings were both healthy at birth. There isn't anything particularly wrong with a character going through a name change, but there should be reason behind it.

[brianblackberry]

This is a cool concept for a character; however at this time we can't accept the character as is for Mane RP as he is now, but he still be playable as a Crossover character. If you still intend to play this in a Mane RP, we'll need to have a few changes made and smoothed out because of the rules associated with the Mane Rp which is more stricty bound to the themes of the show.

Giving a character unique powers imbalances the OC away from the Mane RP. Right now for the Mane RP we have it established that only unicorns have the ability to cast any spells at all, at least until it is established otherwise in the show. This goes true also for forbidden magic and dragon curse, unless they are introduced into the show. The crossover RP though do not have these restrictions.

As for his name, it really should be a nickname rather than his real name, as his parents would not named him "One Wing" as he was born with two. Instead the name can be something everyone calls him now because of the loss of the wing, but he would still have some other "true name" that his folks gave him.

[halofan303]

Rainbow Dash ALWAYS had rainbow hair and was fast. And, if you recall, Piknie's real name was Pinkamena Diane Pie. So her name is an alternation of her real name. Pinkie Pie has always been pink, and pie seems to be kind of like a last name would be in our world. But all along, her name alluded to her special talent-baking!

One Wing isn't a name somepony would give their child. And it wouldn't make sense, seeing as his wings were both healthy at birth. There isn't anything particularly wrong with a character going through a name change, but there should be reason behind it.

....

huh i never knew that about pinkie...

...

well ive been sleepin on as to why he would be called one wing,

best i could think of is it was the locals that started calling him as a kind of tease, and that he decided to stick with it maybe?

This is a cool concept for a character; however at this time we can't accept the character as is for Mane RP as he is now, but he still be playable as a Crossover character. If you still intend to play this in a Mane RP, we'll need to have a few changes made and smoothed out because of the rules associated with the Mane Rp which is more stricty bound to the themes of the show.

Giving a character unique powers imbalances the OC away from the Mane RP. Right now for the Mane RP we have it established that only unicorns have the ability to cast any spells at all, at least until it is established otherwise in the show. This goes true also for forbidden magic and dragon curse, unless they are introduced into the show. The crossover RP though do not have these restrictions.

As for his name, it really should be a nickname rather than his real name, as his parents would not named him "One Wing" as he was born with two. Instead the name can be something everyone calls him now because of the loss of the wing, but he would still have some other "true name" that his folks gave him.

yeap i thought it would come to something like that,

well i do want to "mane" rp,... and that whole magic thing isent really important,

so ill just change-or rather remove- that and get that factor, out of the way.

as for the name thing,

well ive been sleepin on as to why he would be called one wing,

best i could think of is it was the locals that started calling him as a kind of tease, and that he decided to stick with it maybe?

~fixing time~

[MyLittlePonyTales]

....

huh i never knew that about pinkie...

It was in the Cutie Mark Chronicles episode. :S

[halofan303]

It was in the Cutie Mark Chronicles episode. :S

Funny, i watched that twice and still i just figured that out now...

[halofan303]

update/edit:

Name - changed a tad

likes & dislikes - small edit

summary - edited quite a bit

history - pretty much a heavy edit, reworked most of it really, as well as splitting up the paragraphs( despite it looking decent, might undo this I'm kinda iffy about it), and added a small twist in the story, to make it more interesting to read.

[MyLittlePonyTales]

After some of the staff have discussed it, we decided there probably aren't any slayer groups in Equestria. While there are monsters, they tend to stay away from towns/cities unless provoked. (The Manticore was found in the Everfree Forest, the Ursa Minor was lured to Ponyville by Snips and Snails, and the Hydra was in Froggybottom Bog.)

Also, I don't think there would be Druids in Equestria. They are essentially priests.

A priest is a person authorized to perform the sacred rites of a religion' date=' especially as a mediatory agent between humans and deities.[/i']

So, it doesn't really fit in the world of Equestria, seeing as there isn't really any religion at all. And there are only two deities, or rulers, which are Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.

[Skye]

After sometime passed Atomos was asked to join a successful slayer group' date=' accepting the offer, he spent many years working with them, his new friends. However as years passed he was betrayed by the unicorn in the group, whom used his magic to summon dragons. One wing managed to escape the ambush, but his left wing had been burnt to a crisp, preventing it from regrowing the feathers. Devastated by the loss of his wing he set out to the Neighples marsh, in search of three druids, hoping they would know how to help his wing. having traveled far he found the druid's home, however upon entry he found the unicorn which he used to call his friend amongst the druids. He now got severely angered, and without a second thought he simply walked up to his old ally, and asked what it was she wanted. she replied quickly "I want you to leave the group, your...in the way of our goal." Atomos gave her an extremely furious look, but she began explaining how it wasn't by her will that the dragons. still not pleased he no longer wanted to be around them, he told her to say goodbyes for him, and set off for his old home in the sky city.[/quote']

This paragraph somewhat troubles me a bit. It doesn't quite fit in with what we're looking at as far as Equestria is concerned, and it seems like it's a broken part of his story as a whole. If you were to cut this paragraph out completely, then the rest of the character would be perfectly good to go in my opinion. But the inclusion of this paragraph raises a few questions that can't be easily explained and seem a bit nonsensical. For example, there's no explanation for why his unicorn friend betrayed him, nor why she went to go live with the druids, nor even why she had to treat him this way. Also, there's no indication that there are 'druid' type characters in the Mane Equestria as it is, either in historical or fictional reference, so this somewhat troubles me. We're trying to stay away from the D&D gaming-type atmosphere in the Mane RP, as it's not quite the kind of RP where anyone needs to care how powerful your character is, or how uber your character can be. I think the first half can be fine, being part of a monster hunter group, and then his unicorn friend betray him for whatever reason, but the latter half of the paragraph could be cut out and take care of the discrepancies, in my opinion.

A few questions get raised by it that would likely be better to answer by omission, rather than inclusion (Details can always be Roleplayed out later once the character gets a feel for how it is going to work in the RP):

Why was he asked to join the slayer group in the first place?

Why did his unicorn friend betray him? Why did she then choose to run off with this group in the Neighples Marsh?

Why did he seek this group out specifically?

Why does she bear such animosity towards him, and likewise, his animosity towards her?

What does the will of the dragons have to do with any of it? (Dragons don't have an organized society here thus far, any 'will of the dragons' would be likely limited to one specific dragon perhaps)

What does she mean about being in the way?

I think it would be better to simply cut that paragraph out rather than risk taking the character in further directions that don't have anything to do with the Mane RP we are trying to promote. As a Crossover character, he would likely be fine, but I am concerned that this character would not fit in our current model of Equestria.

[halofan303]

This paragraph somewhat troubles me a bit. It doesn't quite fit in with what we're looking at as far as Equestria is concerned, and it seems like it's a broken part of his story as a whole. If you were to cut this paragraph out completely, then the rest of the character would be perfectly good to go in my opinion. But the inclusion of this paragraph raises a few questions that can't be easily explained and seem a bit nonsensical. For example, there's no explanation for why his unicorn friend betrayed him, nor why she went to go live with the druids, nor even why she had to treat him this way. Also, there's no indication that there are 'druid' type characters in the Mane Equestria as it is, either in historical or fictional reference, so this somewhat troubles me. We're trying to stay away from the D&D gaming-type atmosphere in the Mane RP, as it's not quite the kind of RP where anyone needs to care how powerful your character is, or how uber your character can be. I think the first half can be fine, being part of a monster hunter group, and then his unicorn friend betray him for whatever reason, but the latter half of the paragraph could be cut out and take care of the discrepancies, in my opinion.

A few questions get raised by it that would likely be better to answer by omission, rather than inclusion (Details can always be Roleplayed out later once the character gets a feel for how it is going to work in the RP):

Why was he asked to join the slayer group in the first place?

Why did his unicorn friend betray him? Why did she then choose to run off with this group in the Neighples Marsh?

Why did he seek this group out specifically?

Why does she bear such animosity towards him, and likewise, his animosity towards her?

What does the will of the dragons have to do with any of it? (Dragons don't have an organized society here thus far, any 'will of the dragons' would be likely limited to one specific dragon perhaps)

What does she mean about being in the way?

I think it would be better to simply cut that paragraph out rather than risk taking the character in further directions that don't have anything to do with the Mane RP we are trying to promote. As a Crossover character, he would likely be fine, but I am concerned that this character would not fit in our current model of Equestria.

After some of the staff have discussed it, we decided there probably aren't any slayer groups in Equestria. While there are monsters, they tend to stay away from towns/cities unless provoked. (The Manticore was found in the Everfree Forest, the Ursa Minor was lured to Ponyville by Snips and Snails, and the Hydra was in Froggybottom Bog.)

Also, I don't think there would be Druids in Equestria. They are essentially priests.

So, it doesn't really fit in the world of Equestria, seeing as there isn't really any religion at all. And there are only two deities, or rulers, which are Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.

hmmm taking this into consideration i guess it does seem a bit much as a history, and too many uncannon aspects...

and if i removed it all i would have to say about him is that he got nailed by a dragon, but i had this in there more as a feeling that he was betrayed...and that its made him have a constant reminder not to be as trusting...

however I could instead say that somepony tricked him into a dragons cave...

thus keeping his wing burnt and and the betrayal concept.

also im really appreciating all the feedback im getting :grin:

as for the slayer group bit,

hmm, well yea that could be removed i guess... doesn't wield too much importance in his back-story.

so ill remove that chunk of the story overall,

and replace with something along the lines of:

"A warm summer evening, as Atomos was wondering through a forest. A stranger approached him, in panic and asked for assistance. unaware of the strangers intentions, he said he would see what he could do. They approached the massive cave, and the stranger told; "you have to help my friend, hes trapped in there by some monster." Atomos, aware of it would likely dangerous, he could not stand by while there was a pony in need pony in need.

he entered the cave cautiously, and quietly, as he went deeper into the dark cave he had the air began to smell of smoke. around a rather large stagmite he saw a large amount of treasure. At first glance it seemed suspicious, he moved slightly forward when he heard something shift. like large shards of metal, scratching against stone. The hair on Atomos's back rose and he turned pale as he slowly began backing away, knowing the creature within the cave was far too powerful, and he was too ill prepared. when suddenly there was a large, violent howling noise coming from the entrance of the cave. The once asleep dragon woke from this howl, spotting Atomos, and let out a massive screeching roar.

The swift stallion flew quickly, but not quickly enough. as the dragon breathed a violent wave of fire in his direction, he tried to avoid the flames but it seared a large portion of his left wing. with what was left of his burning wing he flew as fast as he could, crash landing in a river. the dragon circled the forest continually, but after not having found the stallion after some time he gave up and went back to his cave.

some hours later Atomos woke up on a river bank. with a burnt wing and weak energy he slowly began making his way back to the sky village...

laying down after a few hours of hiking, he looked back at his wing, seeing it was burnt to a deep, black crisp. he began feeling empty, from both the pain, and the loss of his wing. First tearing up, weeping and then crying in agony into the deep night. as the sun rose early that next morning he set out for the sky city."

or is that too cliche'?

[halofan303]

edit/update:

history -heavy edit. aswell as put it in a spoiler box for the following reasons:

saves room.

and if no pony wants to read it/somepony wants to skip it. it'll be less of a hassle to scroll past it.

[MyLittlePonyTales]

Thank you for being so patient while we worked out the kinks!

[halofan303]

Thank you for being so patient while we worked out the kinks! :smile:

Thank you -and the other staff- for helping me work out the kinks!

I'm very happy my character got approved, and I'm also quite happy about getting the good quality feedback! :grin:

looking forward to participating in some of the roleplaying aspects of the site.

--so...um...in short...thank ya too...