Pegasus Onyx Wings ( Finished )

[Gorgutz]

Section: Mane rp

Name: Onyx Wings " Onyx " or " Black Blur"

Sex:

Female

Age: Mare

Species: Pegasus

Eye Color: Deep Blue

Coat Color: White

Mane and Tail Color: Pure black

Physique: Muscular and graceful

Cutie mark: http://chinesehorosc...ac%20Symbol.jpg

Occupation: Silversmithing and Jeweling.

Motivation: Do her deceased cousin proud.

Origin: Onyx was born shy, and often found it hard to make friends, because she talked little. She would often sneak out at night and watch the world under the moon, and marvel at the beauty of the stars and the peacefulness of the resting world. Onyx did not have many freinds at all, but she had a cousin named Calviciuius who understood Onyx and often played with her and sneaked out with her to watch the stars.

Cutie mark story:As a filly she saw a jeweler hard at work and asked him how he made such beautiful objects from nothing but bars, the stallion responded and asked Onyx if she was interested in making jewelry. Onyx Wings replied yes and the Stallion took her as a apprentice. Her years as a apprentice were long and seemed to move along like Molasses.

Her mentor was a "pressing" one and made her work and try until she was exhausted from working metal, along this time she also found out her flying talent. Her other nickname came when she was flying to catch up with Claviquius, who was light-heartily teasing Onyx, she rammed into him so fast she was a black blur! When she became a middle aged Filly and could handle herself she became a journeypony, Onyx not having to much of a fortune could only afford a mobile furnace and stand cart.

She set off from Canterlot after a month of selling and set off around Equestria. Her first city to visit was Stalliongrad and she got quite the business there, also she met Brazen, Gonzo, Clayton, and Deuce, she had a long chat with Clayton who she quickly made friends with. Clayton requested a a necklace with 3 gears, each with one of his brothers inside. Onyx happily obliged and made it for him at 50 bits.

Her second trip was little ol' Appleloosa, there wasn't as much as business there, but she did sell alot of silverwork. She was asked to help with some construction and got some extra pay from helping out.

Her third and final destination was Manehattan. She was almost overran with business. She got Jewelry and silverware requests almost all day. Luckily she was able to slip in time to finish her two works of art. Finally after 2 years of journey-hood she returned to her master and showed him her work.

She made a dashing necklace and matching earrings ( like this: http://i01.i.aliimg....ce_Earrings.jpg ) and a incredibly detailed silver figure of Celestia. Her mentor was pleased and told Onyx that she had passed about her cutie mark that had appeared. ( Was formerly a Blank-flank but she kept that hidden)

With joy she headed to Canterlot to study more about Jewelry making, while there she found Clayton again and began to " date" Clayton, however her heart was sad when Clayton had to leave Canterlot due to one of his brothers becoming ill. Shortly after this Calvicuius caught a strain of pneumonia that ended him. Onyx wrecked by this spent weeks in isolation, only venturing out to get food supplies when she ran low. Eventually she snapped out of her grief and is now shaping herself back up. Her immediate family is located in Canterlot and Manehatten, she most often makes contact with Fancy mane ( Her uncle) who requests things for his hotel.

Now after her graduation she is pondering where to set up her shop.

[SunsetSombra]

Having read this profile, I'm kinda left wondering about the near-grimdark nature of your characters whole background story...

Origin: Boethian was possessed by a Dremora ( or demon) as a foal to be converted to Boethia's ways, however this did not go as planned and the Dremora was trapped in her consciousness, due to this she was branded as a Filly to be a heretic.

It kinda goes against the grain of the show-based theme of the site in general, and seems to be entirely something that just doesn't fit the world of FiM as a whole.

Of course You could make this application work in the Cross-Over or Free for all sections of the forum, but if you intend on being in the Mane RP, this really can't be left as-is.

[Gorgutz]

A Daedra is not entirely a demon. Daedra represent the elements of change: Dusk and Dawn, deceit conspiracy murder and overthrow of authority, granting of power, all knowledge, the hunt, order, curses and the spurned, destruction and ambition, lies and love, life, domination and enslavement, darkness, night, tasks, passion, madness, dreams. In reality no daedra there is evil but some's actions are extreme.

So Boethian has to make friends and be happy for once to get the Daedra out of her. Of course I understand it's supposed to be happy, but I am grimdark myself. I have learned from a master Roleplayer, and trust me none of his Rp's are for the light hearted. She is intentionally a crossover. I do better at darker elements of a roleplay. But it's alright if you want me to Rp more happily I can do it but the posts won't be as rich.

[Gorgutz]

Oh she won't be melancholy for long. Eventually she will get her life into shape and the happiness in her will expel the daedra and cleanse it's taint from her. So her story is that of finding hope.

[SunsetSombra]

You didn't state crossover in the application, so I wasn't entirely sure what your aim was - please mark down that your desired section for RP as that, for future reference.

[Gorgutz]

I was planning to use her in the Mane Rp but if she's unacceptable that's fine.

[SunsetSombra]

Yeah, really can't have a Grimdark themed pony of that nature in mane RP - It pretty much runs against both the theme of the board and of the show, which is how we prefer it.

Take out the finished tag and rework her if you still plan on applying the pony as a character to a more acceptable level, then you'll be fine.

Edited January 2, 2012 by Robikku Pegasus

[Gorgutz]

Yeah it's my dark nature getting in the way of happiness! And I will edit it. Although still I will remove the "daedra" enigma and just make it that she was spurned due to her black wings.

Okay annnnnnnd... there we go. One fixed sheet!

[Snowshoe]

Having just had my first taste of Skyrim I understand how awesome it is. But I'm just curious as to how the Skyrim logo fits into the Mane RP...it's a dragon yeah, and dragons exist in the mane RP, but how did she get it? Why did she get a dragon-like cutie mark representing what it does? There are also other symbols that represent nobility, calmness, and time, so why this symbol combining all three? And also, if she studied to be a silversmith, why the Skyrim logo instead of something involving silversmithing or jewellery making? It's not a bad choice, just one that I'm curious about ^^

[Gorgutz]

She got it when she became interested in jewelry making and silversmithing. Despite her spurned childhood and distrust in herself, she pursued her goals, and had her cutie-mark be a dragon.

Also it's the symbol of Akatosh.

Hello ?

Am I doing something wrong or is everyone busy?

[QuickLime]

Bumping your thread like that decreases the potential of getting checked! Be patient and they'll get to it since they normally work bottom to the top and yours is WAY at the top currently.

One thing I don't think makes a whole lot of sense is the fact she is made fun of for having black wings, It doesn't seem like something ponies would really find to make fun of since Ponies come in all colors and such =3.

It's a interesting App so far but A little tweaking will really make it shine

[Gorgutz]

Sorry I get so anxious ! Okay Tweaking now!

Okay my anxiety is getting to me. Have I goofed up ?

[knight]

Chillax, man, the mods will get to you when they have time. Posting over and over again will not help.

Okay, a few pointers, just from my opinion:

Her name, to me, doesn't make much sense. Most ponies name their fillies and foals off of their looks or what they like, or some kind of tradition. I'd love to see a bit more explanation?

Cutie mark. Would love to see a cutie mark story. You mentioned in response to someone else's inquiry, but not in her actual profile. How did she get it and why is it a dragon shaped pendant? Why would it not be some other form of jewelry? Why a dragon?

Where she lives: You may want to change it, and maybe read up a little more on the locations available around Equestria, as I know Ponyville is kind of a strict zone due to the high amount of ponies already living there. Try out Canterlot, or Fillydelphia, or maybe Manehatten is more your thing. Ponyville is just....WAY too populated!

Also, how did she get into crafting? did she know someone in the smithtrade? have someone take her on as an apprentice? More on that would be...superb.

:3 That, and hey, maybe you could make a quick pony maker version of her in the pony maker. :3 It's available under 'extras' on the board here!

[Gorgutz]

Thanks! Although still I want her shop to be in Ponyvile. I shall get to editing when I have access to a PC. Though she does have good reasons to stay in Canterlot.

Just pretend her wings are black I couldn't figure out how to color em.

[knight]

Okay, here I am again, and I'd just like to say: Cutie mark. Again, I don get it. It seems like something you'd see on a crossover character, as it ties in to the real world and isn't really....welll....innocent and pony...ish. Also....kind of wondering wondering how exactly she smiths as a pegasi. I mean, smithing involves working with scorching hot metals. Stuff that couldn't really be worked with with a mouth or wing, let alone flat hooves. Just curious here.

Also, there's a point in your app where you refer to Onyx as her previous name, 'Boethian'.....

[Gorgutz]

Oh I didn't see that. Well silver smithing generally requires a mold be made. Now to carve and put patterns on the object Onyx puts the still-hot silver object into a clamp, then begins to press the patterns onto the silver.

Also that symbol means beauty and kindness. Now if that's unacceptable (I LIKE TO BE CREATIVE ARRRGH!) I can make it a Ruby.

[knight]

Riiight...but....she's still dealing with lava-hot metals. And those molds don't just 'magically' exist. (well, I suppose, in ponyverse, they technically COULD exist, but that's beside the point) the molds have to be created, and they are often also created from a much higher temperature metal, that cures stronger, and has a much higher melting point than the metal put into the molds. I suppose she could buy the molds premade from maybe...unicorn mold makers or something....I suppose....it is a frequent thing for jewelry molds to look the same or similar, if all she makes is jewelry. But smithing does have quite a bit to do outside of the mold. Once metals are removed from the mold, they are not yet in their finished form and require modeling while they are still warm and pliable.

....of course, if she cold-forges everything, that would render my question totally invalid, as cold forging requires only the teeniest, tiniest amount of heat, and is used only for jewelry. But bigger things than jewelry....need more heat! :3

Well, I'm no mod here, I'm not going to tell you if your cutie mark is unacceptable, I just wanted to see an explanation of what it means, and why it applies to her.

[Gorgutz]

She cold-forges simple items. And for jewelry and custom silversmithing she buys molds, she gets custom ones by molding a shape that is requested into soft clay, she then hardens it and sends it to be made into a tungsten mold.

Boomp.

Anymore adivce ?

[brianblackberry]

Reading her backstory, it sounds like to she became an apprentice, than a journeypony to the master jeweler (and smithy). I would recommend covering her apprenticeship in more detail as it influenced most of her life.

Such an avenue would of course take years to complete of course, but would better explain her knowledge and experience in such things. It would also open out avenues of opportunity. As a filly apprentice, she would also live at the master's home (in medieval guilds, this is usually how it was done, with the apprentices family paying for it), this would take a few years where she train in the basics to the next step: Journeyman (or Jouneypony in this case). It would be at this stage she would slowly create her "masterpiece" (while still doing her job, but unlike an apprentice, would earn a salary), which if approved allows her to become master and start her own place somewhere. Perhaps during all of this, she devolved a particular specialty related to her craft that can help her stand out in the future.

You mention the stallion of her dreams having to move away, has she considered finding him again or moving to where he is, or has she moved on? Did he ever know of her feelings? We also hear about her cousin but what of her immediate family?

Also what does she hope from life? She simply want a jewelry shop of her own or does she want more, or have other interests? Does she have any character flaws that she struggle with?

I hope that all helps; I see the basics here done for her, now she just needs some detail about her to make her a fully rounded character.

[Gorgutz]

Thank you Ma'am or Sir.

I have no attention span. Well I hope this does it. Because I am SMACK-OUT of ideas.

Hello ?

[Gorgutz]

I have no attention span. Well I hope this does it. Because I am SMACK-OUT of ideas.

[Gorgutz]

Hello ?

[brianblackberry]

Hello ?

Gotta be patient, I do this as a part time volunteer thing when not working O_o

Anyway, looked it over and I definitely think there is enough here now to start her off well int he RP.

[Skye]

Just remember to keep the grimdark to a minimum, and you should be alright.