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Secret Heart FINAL

SilverThorn

By SilverThorn
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SilverThorn Crazy Oatmeal

SilverThorn

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Roleplay Type: Equestria Role Play

Name: Secret Heart

Sex: Male

Age: Young Stallion

Species: Unicorn

Eye Color: Aqua

Coat Color: Bluish-White

Mane/Tail/Markings Color & Style: His mane and tail are an aqua color, and somewhat unkempt, but he styles them like that on purpose.

Physique: He is of average build, but has slightly more muscle than normal stallions from being in the royal guard.

Cutie Mark:A blue heart shaped padlock

Origin/Residence: Born and raised in Canterlot, and still resides there; but he doesn't leave his home very often.

Occupation: Unemployed, but formerly a Royal Guard

Motivation: Finding his true love, and writing poetry

Likes:

  • Love Stories
  • Romance
  • Roses

Dislikes:

  • Overly-Logical Ponies
  • Being kept away from his True Love
  • Living in Canterlot

Character Summary:

Secret Heart comes from a very affluent family in Canterlot, and was enrolled in the Royal Guard Academy as soon as he was able. He enjoyed training, but when it came to being a guard; he was somewhat let down. It was very dull, and he longed for civilian life. While at his post he often read romance novels and dreamed of a happy life with his very special pony. The only thing was, he didn't have a very special pony.

He got his cutie mark when he realized that his special talent was caring for and protecting those he loved. He also finally accepted what he had tried to deny for almost a year, embraced who he was; but still hid it from the other cadets in the academy. It was during a training exercise at the school, and it's a day he will never forget. He and his best friend were going through an exercise when the other colt got stuck on some barbed wire. Secret looked back and saw a group of mean older colts coming towards them, and he knew they were going to try and hurt the poor stuck colt. He stood up in front of his friend and expected to be pushed out of the way, but his horn generated a small force-field that the bullies couldn't break through. Once he and his friend were safe he noticed his cutie mark, and felt a sense of great pride and accomplishment.

No one had any idea about his secret until one fateful evening when he encountered a distraught stallion coming into Canterlot. He couldn't approach him while he was on duty, but he knew he had to meet the stallion, so he went wandering around the city when he was released. He soon found him, and he looked worse than before. Secret approached the young stallion and asked him what was troubling him. The rust-colored pegasus began to cry and poured out his soul to Secret.

The young unicorn led him to a park where they could sit in peace. He nuzzled the poor stallion and comforted him in every way. He felt a very special connection with the young stallion and wanted to stay with him as long as possible. They were interrupted however by a pegasus mare. She came into the park, and as soon as she saw them began shouting at the stallion; calling him unclean, and a disgrace.

Her shouting caused Secret's comrades to come rushing to the scene. He told the poor young stallion to leave Canterlot as fast as his wings could carry him. The last thing he wanted was to taint his new found special pony's reputation. He was discharged on the spot for acting very unprofessionally while in uniform (he had forgotten to take it off), and heard later that the stallion escaped. He was glad the pegasus stallion was spared from a public scandal, but also saddened that he had to leave.

It is now his mission in life to find his lost love, and he will not rest until he has located the rust colored pony with warm and sunny eyes. Once he finds him, he wants to settle down, and become a poet. He has read so many love poems and romance books, he has developed a very romantic mindset and a talent for poetry.

Secret Heart:

SecretHeart.png

Cutie Mark:

SecretHeartCutieMark.png

Images updated 5/27/12

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EquestrianScholar Crazy Oatmeal

EquestrianScholar

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Interesting, though it suprised me when it turned out he was a coltcuddler... but it seems to work out. I say good job, I personally don't see any problems with it really. Though I am a bit confused why he was discharged as while it was foalish for him to to what he did in a public place (if I am reading it right) the outcome seemed a bit extreme.

Also the cutie mark just appearing doesn't make much sense, and "He got his cutie mark when he realized that his goal in life was to become a caring lover" doesn't seem like a talent exactly as a goal isn't a talent. So it leaves me asking what is his talent? Is his talent showing compassion and empathy?

All in all it is a good bio but parts are a bit confusing and unclear.

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SilverThorn Crazy Oatmeal

SilverThorn

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I was going to have them do explicit things, but I figured the mods wouldn't like that lol also I'm just working on the notion that the Equestria Royal Guard has a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.

An his talent is compassion and empathy. His cutie mark also appeared when he finally accepted he was gay. I should probably reword that part.

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EquestrianScholar Crazy Oatmeal

EquestrianScholar

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Yes that is what I was thinking as well, which is why I said he was foalish. Laughs, lets see he meets up with a stallian for the first time that is feeling down and 'helps' him feel better in a public place where anypony could walk by and see them.

Though one question, as it would be suprising to see even a couple of guards near a park at any given moment (never seemed to be that many anywhere but the palace), how would the mare's screams have brought Secret's comrades and thus led to his discharge? (Gets an image of a mare walking past and hearing noises, seeing the stallians and starts yelling them as the two hurry off away from the mare as fast as they can.)

Yes I would suggest rewording it but I would suggest also changing when and how he got his cutie mark. One's cutie mark normally appears when one has discovered one's talent and more so realize this after having just don't something involving it... at least that is how I have always seen it. Not sure if this site has a different ruling on how a pony get cutie marks. Never heard anypony waking up with a cutie mark, heck if it was that easy the CMC might already have theres... seems too simple. -shrugs-

This is just my way of looking at it, you don't have to take any of my suggestions as I am still pretty much a newcomer to this site. There just seem to be a few things in your bio that didn't make sense and I am bringing them up. Hope I have giving you useful criticism.

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brianblackberry Alicorn

brianblackberry

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Overall the application is fine. I am glad you did leave out an explicit details, although you could have just said "spent the night together" or something similarly vague but still gave an idea.

The young unicorn led him to a park where they could sit in peace. He nuzzled the poor stallion and comforted him in every way. He felt a very special connection with the young stallion and wanted to stay with him as long as possible. They were interrupted however by a pegasus mare. She came into the park, and as soon as she saw them began shouting at the stallion; calling him unclean, and a disgrace.

Is this pegasus someone the other pony knew? As for same-sex attraction and relationships, it was decided a while ago that such relationships are not frowned upon in Equestria, that it is far more about whom you love than their gender, in that regard the world of Equestria is far, far more accepting of such couplings to the point where labels aren't even really used. Based on this, the Royal Guard does not work on a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy but rather like the more recent policy in the American military that allows those who are seen as gay or lesbian to serve openly (it is to the point that no specific directive is even needed).

With the above being said, it is probably best that some other reason is given for why he lost contact with "his true love" after that faithful day. The other pony make be a guard also and got sent on a mission and was lost, or a similar event with another job, a "missing in action" sort of angle, or that he had to move very far away and didn't say where (maybe the pegasus was mad because he was late or worked for her, etc).

Hope that helps.

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SilverThorn Crazy Oatmeal

SilverThorn

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Overall the application is fine. I am glad you did leave out an explicit details, although you could have just said "spent the night together" or something similarly vague but still gave an idea.

Is this pegasus someone the other pony knew? As for same-sex attraction and relationships, it was decided a while ago that such relationships are not frowned upon in Equestria, that it is far more about whom you love than their gender, in that regard the world of Equestria is far, far more accepting of such couplings to the point where labels aren't even really used. Based on this, the Royal Guard does not work on a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy but rather like the more recent policy in the American military that allows those who are seen as gay or lesbian to serve openly (it is to the point that no specific directive is even needed).

With the above being said, it is probably best that some other reason is given for why he lost contact with "his true love" after that faithful day. The other pony make be a guard also and got sent on a mission and was lost, or a similar event with another job, a "missing in action" sort of angle, or that he had to move very far away and didn't say where (maybe the pegasus was mad because he was late or worked for her, etc).

Hope that helps.

I changed it to having him disbanded for acting unprofessionally while in uniform. Plus he was already kind of on the ropes because he wasn't terribly enthusiastic about his job lol also the pegasus stallion in question is and reading their stories together helps make the puzzle whole. They really don't know who the other is they never exchanged names or anything so they only know vague details.

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brianblackberry Alicorn

brianblackberry

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My one remaining question is outside of searching for his "lost love", what does he plan to do now he has been let go from his position as far as employment goes (he doesn't need another job yet or anything, but he must have some thoughts on what he will do again in the future for bits, before and/or after he finds this other pony).

He was discharged on the spot for acting very unprofessionally while in uniform (he had forgotten to take it off), and heard later that the stallion escaped. He was glad the pegasus was spared, but also saddened that he had to leave.

What was she spared of? was she also a guard?

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SilverThorn Crazy Oatmeal

SilverThorn

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My one remaining question is outside of searching for his "lost love", what does he plan to do now he has been let go from his position as far as employment goes (he doesn't need another job yet or anything, but he must have some thoughts on what he will do again in the future for bits, before and/or after he finds this other pony).

What was she spared of? was she also a guard?

It was a he lol specifically Autumn Storm (see my character log) and he was spared the embarrassment of a public scandal. I'm also going to work on the other bit, and I'll post again when I have everything ready to go :)

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brianblackberry Alicorn

brianblackberry

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It was a he lol specifically Autumn Storm (see my character log) and he was spared the embarrassment of a public scandal. I'm also going to work on the other bit, and I'll post again when I have everything ready to go :)

Alright, I'll be here when you are ready. :)

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SilverThorn Crazy Oatmeal

SilverThorn

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ok I changed the spared thing so it's clear, and Secret doesn't know why the Pegasus mare started screaming. That half of the story is in Autumn's sheet. Secret doesn't even know Autumn's name let alone who his mother is, so to him it was a random mare.

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