GingerbreadSpy

"I love marshmallows, actually, but I gotta watch my filly figure. I think I've been going a little overboard on the morning bagels and coffee," she said coolly and honestly. It was probably the most normal phrase that had ever come out of Honeydew's mouth. Why she hadn't gone on a rant about mutant marshmallows was anybody's guess. Honeydew's train of logic obviously ran on its very own set of tracks.

Yes, I get that. And like I said, I work well when I don't have to be the one starting things up, but as soon as I am, it's like... I dunno. I can't help it, I mean, man, it takes a while for me to realize sometimes that I might be being too restrictive (it really only occurred to me a short while ago, for instance, with the auction date RP that I might have been asking too much) And that's if I come up with a viable RP idea. Most of the potential RP ideas I have often end up never making it into the post for interest-checking stage because I end up realizing they're more suitable for fanfiction than for collaborative roleplay.

I don't know what it is exactly. Maybe the ideas I try to set into motion are just too boring or maybe I set in place too many limitations (farmers in that one RP and wanting the ponies up for bidding to be mares). I guess maybe the latter could be the worst culprit. When I was a kid, I used to be pretty bossy and controlling because I always had a precise picture in mind for how the games I played were supposed to be played (even pretend games... The stuffed brown kitty couldn't be a teen kitty named Brownie because she was a mother cat named Mrs. Whiskers and the brown puppy was already called Brownie). I mean, I'd like to think I have gotten less like that (I can handle playing in other RPs fine). But maybe some of that is still there. I mean, I'm pretty sure an RP needs some direction, doesn't it? I just don't know where some becomes too much. Or how to rein in my desire to have things in a certain pattern or to go a certain direction.

Cinnabar Star gave the doctor a blank look. "It's a little hard to imagine, doc. You don't look anything like a stallion, and I'm pretty sure you're not my type." She paused a second before quickly adding: "No offense. Do you really think somepony would think I'm being too controlling? I don't see the harm in making reminders because, well, I can count the number of ponies who have gone on a date with me after they agreed to go on a date with me on..." She started to hold up a hoof, then put it back on the floor. "No hooves."

"But..." He started to protest, and then he made the mistake of making eye contact. Guilty feelings overwhelmed him. That's EXACTLY what his mother would tell him. Well, maybe not exactly, but pretty close. "Ah, uh, well, I guess maybe you're right." He looked down at the floor, sighing in disappointment. "Maybe, maybe, I'll just have a blueberry muffin, then?" He glanced at her hopefully before glancing away. "Please don't tell anypony I was here."

Moon Walker took the interruption in stride. "The more ponies, the merrier, I always say! It's great to make your acquaintance, Zecora. And you, too, Pyro Blaze. I'm Moon Walker, a guard here in Canterlot. You've probably seen me flying around." He gestured to his helmet. It was always interesting to see how some ponies didn't recognize him when he was out of his helmet and armor. Even just not wearing the helmet tended to throw some ponies off. "Pyro Blaze, I was just showing Zecora here around. You're welcome to join us, of course. I'm sure you have some of your own favorite places here in the city." He beamed.

"Whoa. Buy two get one free? How can I say no to a deal like that?" Donut Joe fished out six bits and placed them on the table. "Thanks for lettin' me know." He tilted his head slightly when Sweet Surprise started asking him about what he liked to do. The puzzled expression returned, but he made an effort not to look too confused. This young mare was hard to figure out. "Uh, well, I like sports and hanging out with the guys. Camping, hiking, you know stuff. Gotta love the great outdoors." He gave a shrug. "How about yous? Gotta come outta the shop, sometime, am I right?

Honeydew perked up when she heard Watermelon Gush talk about fruit salad. She stopped hugging the watermelon and turned her gaze onto Watermelon Gush. "Fruit salad? That's what I'm talking about!" Apparently, her suspicion didn't extend much where food was concerned. Then, she narrowed her eyes. "Does it have marshmallows?" ... Or maybe it did.

Name: Donut Joe [colour=#282828]Link to WOE Approved Application: [/colour]http://www.canterlot...onut-joe-ready/ Name: Moon Walker Link to WOE Approved Application: http://www.canterlot...n-walker-ready/ Reason for Involvement: He's a Canterlot Guard.

"I have been! It's just, you know, sometimes, things come up," Cinnabar Star said, frowning a little. She began to beam wide when Heart Healer asked her about special someponies. It was one of her favorite subjects. "Of course! I love meeting new ponies! I'm not too picky about what I want in a stallion. Any nice, hard-working, non-competitive athlete will do. He also must have a good sense of humor!" She made a dreamy smile and sighed. "I've tried so hard to set up dates with potential special stallions, but I never really manage to get to the actual date part, even though, I try to show them that I'd be a good date! I give compliments and gifts, I talk about him to all my friends and family, I get a hooficure and my mane done up all special and buy a brand new dress, I set up reminders about our first date, just in case he forgets, and then I also make sure to remind his friends just in case he forgets the reminders that I set up!" The dreamy smile drifted off into another frown and a disappointed sigh. "I don't know what goes wrong! They never show up or visit, and they always seem to be in a hurry whenever I see them." She looked at Heart Healer with an expression that was a mix between melancholy and hope. "Do you think maybe I'm just not showing enough interest? I've heard stallions can be kind of clueless about these things..."

Awesome! I'm at work at the moment, so copying and pasting links is a bit difficult on my phone. I think I might bring in Donut Joe and possibly Moon Walker (an OC)

Yes, but you're judging RP samples, no pony is playing Luna yet, and this is your RP. And since you're playing a male version of Luna, anyway, it sounds like you have enough confidence and knowledge of the female Luna to play her.

This sounds interesting as a plot, but mixed universes toy with my desire for consistency. Why can't it be all gender-bent or all normal?

Mind if I add the recently approved Sweets Galore to the party?

Tawny glanced at the dark, foreboding woods with feelings bordering on disbelief and apprehension. Why would anypony in their right mind want to go in there? And yet, there a few fillies dove in with nary a second thought. He had to admit that his young aunt's words were pretty reasonable, but he still didn't want to go in there. But what if Wind Walker told his dad that he was a complete chicken? He tried to keep himself from trembling when he vigorously nodded his head in agreement with Wind Walker. Oh, please, oh please tell us we can stay here while you go look for them.

"Peace isn't a problem unless that peace is happening under shady circumstances, and I fully believe this peace is happening under shady circumstances. ESPECIALLY since this town is so close to Canterlot." Her stomach rumbled a bit. She eyed the watermelon longingly. "Of course, I find it near impossible to think under the condition of being hungry. Something big could be going down right under my nose, and I wouldn't be able to see it coming." Honeydew practically hugged the watermelon. "I think I could eat this whole thing right now."

Cinnabar Star calmed down when Heart Healer explained her intentions. "Oh. Well, that's different, then." She looked a little sheepish about the mistake she made and was happy the doctor moved onto the next question quickly, which saved her from having to stay embarrassed for too long. "Well, I'm still trying to keep myself in the bits long enough for me to afford an apartment. I don't really make much as a part-time mail mare, and, uh..." She blushed a little. "I have a hard time saving up, sometimes. I try, and I try, but sometimes, I see something I can buy somepony, and I can't help but get it just so I can see the smiles on their face later. Or I'll go out to eat, or I'll find something really cool that I just have to have. I'm sure it's just going to take a while." She smiled. "As for my special somepony, I am actively looking and flirting. I just need to find a guy that will finally take the hint that I'm interested in him!"

Darn, still #15

Sounds good. I shall look over her app and let you know my thoughts, probably sometime tomorrow. I will say just right off the bat that I think the character has a lot of innovation put in it.

I said they (as in the temptation and the attachment issue) might be problems or potential issues. I didn't say they actually were, and I was very careful to say that "I'm not saying you do these things," so you would not be offended. lol... And I know you've created tons of characters, but I'm still kinda new and don't know a whole terrible lot about you. You wanted a critique, so I did the best I could based on what was available (I didn't have the RPs you listed right in front of me, after all, and I think critiquing an RP would be extremely difficult since it's a collaborative writing effort and whatnot). As I said, there doesn't seem to be major issues, and I was having to really, really look at it in order to find things that might be potential problems or concerns. And a character several years in development and in activity does not necessarily mean the character is solid and well-developed (nor does it mean it's weak or underdeveloped), so... not entirely sure why you brought that up? Anyway, is there any other character you'd like me to look at? Perhaps one you would consider your weakest character, maybe?

Just going by the app, I'd have to say that Quick Lime looks okay for a character. I suppose it's expected that there would be no major issues or inconsistencies, since it was approved for WoE. There are a few things I can comment on, though. One thing that I find interesting is that Quick Lime is an herbologist in Ponyville. I think an herbologist is a great job for a pony, but... it kinda seems to me like she would have competition with Zecora, wouldn't she? I'm a little hesitant about there being any kind of problem there because it seems like Quick Lime does a lot more with her talent than just remedies and such, though. That brings me to some of the dangers that might be involved in playing this character. One, the temptation to solve all sorts of problems with a cure-all that she has made. Two, the danger of being too attached to the character. Your username is QuickLime, and based on what I've read on the forums, it sounds like she has some of your personality traits? People who get too attached to their characters can be difficult to play with, sometimes, because they don't want anything bad to happen to their character, they don't want another character to view their character negatively, or they have enough insecurities that they view another player's character opinion on that character as an opinion about themselves. I'm not saying that you do that (I haven't seen any RP's with QuickLime in them), but it is something to be aware of, I think. The other thing I can think of is that the character summary could stand to be expanded more. This: [colour=#282828]“As a first impression Quicklime comes off as a touch prickly and mean but she really doesn’t mean to be! She is a very blunt and honest mare that would rather have you be hurt by the truth, than coddled by a lie, she has unrelenting Honesty since her parents had always taught her that a lie does more harm than good.”[/colour] And this: “[colour=#282828]Her personality has been described as “bitey” from time to time since she doesn’t really mince her words very well, if she’s thinking it she says it, and to hay with the results! Though her mouth tends to get her in some hot water from time to time, she truly means well and if you get her to warm up to you then you’v made a loyal friend for life.”[/colour] These are almost the same thing, just worded differently. In any case, it gives the impression that Quick Lime is rough around the edges but nice enough when you get to know her. The traits I can get out of your character summary are these: Blunt Honest Impulsive (doesn't think about what she says) Compassionate Action-Oriented Single-Minded Loyal I think that's a pretty good mix of traits, but maybe you could throw in a few more. For instance, I'm not entirely sure whether Quick Lime is introverted or extroverted (or somewhere inbetween but leaning one way or another). I'm also wondering about what kind of things she likes to do to relax (her hobbies). Her life can't all be herbology and stuff, afterall. What motivates her? What does she hate? And I think that pretty much sums up my thoughts. She seems like a nice character, but I think you can go a little deeper.

Which would you prefer? Do you want me to post the critique here or PM it to you? (I'm fine either way; I have finished writing it up, so just point me in the right direction. )

I had to pause working on it due to, well, work and tiredness and feeling a little sick. I will now resume working on it.

Oooh, constructive criticism can be a fun activity when someone is willing to learn from it. Here's the thing, though. I'm terrible at making decisions. You just have so many characters! Perhaps you could randomly choose a character for me to critique, and I will get on with analyzing it and such?