All im here to do is help. By the way, you have quite the talent in literature, considering that 25% of all MLP stories are gore-filled 'Manifications' , 25% more are porn, 49% more are mediocre, most of the time revolving around somepony gaining alicorn powers/turning into a god/other rediculous nonsense. The 1% remaining is good writing, such as just about every bit of writing ive seen on this website. Tl;dr Its rare to find a good fanfic.