ThunderHorse Posted November 13, 2012 Report Share Posted November 13, 2012 Roleplay Type:World of EquestriaName:TipperSex:MaleAge:StallionSpecies:earth PonyEye colour:tealCoat:dark purpleMane/Tail:The mane is dark brown, and is done in an afro style. The tail is the same colour, but is tied in *ahem* a pony tail.Physique:Tipper is a bit on the muscular side, but is slim at the same time.Residence:CanterlotOccupation:He is a dancer. A disco-dancer to be exact.Cutie Mark:A white disco ball.History:Tipper was born in Canterlot unto his parents, who were rich snobs. The father, Gordon Mantlespark, had attempted to train his son in the arts of being a cobbler, or a shoemaker. Of course, Tipper hadn't been too interested in shoemaking. His mother, Dianne Thistlewood, had tried to get him into the bakery business. Tipper wasn't too thriller there either, and decided that he wanted to take up something he enjoyed doing. The family moved to Apploosa when Tipper was a young stallion, so Tipper had gotten a taste of the buffalo-pony skirmish. At a later date, Tipper had moved to Canterlot once more, where he currently resides, and away from his parents, whom Tipper had indeed loved, but was a bit tired of their attempts at shaping a fate that was not theirs to choose. Of course, this move was disturbed by a few things, such as a lack of Bits. Years later, he took up many types of labor in hopes of getting his cutie mark. He tried being a cobbler (shoemaker), a blacksmith, even a guard for the palace, but still he did not find his talent. He eventually decided to start taking dance lessons, and modifying his lectures to his liking. These changes were a big hit, and Tipper had found his talent. He took up a job in a disco band, being one of the dancers. Since then, he has led a happy life.Character Summary:Tipper has a tendency to be the one dancing in almost everything he does. He'll dance when he cooks, or when he walks to the store, or when he talks to somepony. He'll even go so far as to sing every word he says, if he's in the mood. Tipper is also a justified pony. He'll try to do what he thinks is right for all who are involved in a decision, even if it means sacrificing his own life. Of course, this cheery fellow can easily get on someone's nerves, mainly because of his musically focused demeanor.Of course, His likes are:To dance and boogie!What doesn't this loveable fellow like? He absolutely HATES gr[colour=#000000]ouches[/colour][colour=#000000]How did he come to receive his cutie mark? 'Twas the evenin' of an unknown date, whence Tipper was a young, labor-burdened fellow (He had been an older colt, but not quite a young stallion at this point). His search for talent had brought him through many trades, including the ones that his parents had attempted to adorn him with. How doth his work come into this? Hold your horses and I'll tell you! He had been a construction worker at that time, so it wasn't uncommon for someone to bring a boombox to the site. It WAS uncommon, however, for one to NOT bring one, which had happened that day. All that was there to listen to was the rattling of the jackhammer, the whirring of the crane, and the pounding of mallets upon hammers.This, of course, had caught Tipper's ear, and he decided upon a constructive symphony. He used those mallets as a percussion, when drums would have been preferred. He used the whirring of the many tools as various instruments, and the bullhorn as a microphone. After a few moments of trial and error, Tipper and his mates had a pretty good beat going. Tipper had decided to be the "Conductor", I put such in quotes because he had an instrument himself: His own voice.[/colour]They had replicated a few of their most popular songs[colour=#000000] with just a bunch of scraps and tools. During their "gig", a crowd had indeed gathered, as you would imagine. Workers playing a song? Preposterous! But, they did it under Tipper's guidance. Of course, this meant that Tipper had a very odd quality: To hear music in any sound he heard, no matter how horrendous it seemed. This inspired him to learn a vast array of dances throughout the years, and eventually he started to come up with his own moves. He demonstrated one of these moves one night, unintentionally of course, and was noticed in an abandoned mine shaft dancing his cares away. Folks took a liking to his creation, and he earned the disco ball upon his flank that evening. Since then, he has been on the groove as opposed to the move.[/colour] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starswirlthebearded Posted November 13, 2012 Report Share Posted November 13, 2012 Alrighty! You are off to a good start ThunderHorse! There are a few things that you will need to work on (that I can personally see)First is fairly simple, the formatting. Just make the headings bold, and all the text black. Likely what happened is you just copied an pasted the code without switching the input box to accept forum code (It is that little switch button to the left of the font selector) I think you edit the post, select all and click the eraser looking button, and it should set everything to black!Now on to the rest...Sex should be "male" and age should be "stallion." Numerical ages are not allowed in Mane RP simply because we don't know how they age or how long they live. Likewise, all references to numerical age should be changed to "foal","colt" and "stallion." Naturally if you would like you can say something like "young stallion" or "older colt" or other ways to get the exactness you would like, without using numerical representations for age. "Gordon" and "Diane" don't really sound like pony names. But fear not! If you can't think of pony sounding names, you can remove them completely! The most important name is the name of your character. Plenty of apps (including my latest app) have been accepted without naming the parents. For parents, you really need to say what they did, the relationship with your character and how they affected his growth and things along those lines. Basically the information relating to the parents should be mostly relevant to your character and his upbringing. Residence will need to be changed too, unfortunately. Ponyville is not a big place, and many ponies want to live there because of the mane 6. So it got full up pretty quickly. This is also pretty easily fixable though! Just look at the map and choose another location that you think your character would be happy in! There are plenty of possible places for your character to go that will be away from his parents!Your character's history is rather short. Don't be afraid to expand upon it. So long as you aren't writing a novel, the help staff LOVE detail. However there is a bigger issue with your history... Lack of a cutie mark story. A detailed cutie mark story (at least a paragraph long) is required of every app. Be creative! I'm sure there are plenty of ways to explain how he came to discover his love of dancing! And how he learned to dance (no one just magically becomes good at their talent or passion, they need to work at it. You can use this to expand his story)And... I think that does it... I know it seems like a lot, but we want to hear more about your character! Don't be afraid to expand upon it and give all the detail and life into your character. You can look at other accepted apps to see what exactly the help staff look for in apps. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThunderHorse Posted November 13, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2012 Like they say...there is always room for improvement! Do those changes seem acceptable? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starswirlthebearded Posted November 13, 2012 Report Share Posted November 13, 2012 Thank you for your understanding. The app is better, but there are still some issues. I'm going to c/p key areas and suggest how to fix them.The family moved to Apploosa when Tipper was 10, so Tipper had gotten a taste of the buffalo-pony skirmish.At age 19, Tipper had moved to Canterlot once more, where he currently resides, and away from his parents, whom Tipper had indeed loved, but was a bit tired of their attempts at shaping a fate that was not theirs to choose. Of course, this move was disturbed by Discord's rampage. Tipper was forced to take refuge in a cave during that time. He had survived only because he had sung "I Will Survive" By Adele.The ages need to be removed. As I previously stated, numerical ages aren't allowed in RP due to not knowing enough about pony ages, growth, and longevity of life. All you need to do is say something like "older colt" for age 10 and perhaps "young stallion" for age 19.Discord's rampage... Well that will probably need to be removed entirely. There are many reasons for this. But referencing specific cast like that is generally not allowed. Now if an actual help staff comes in, and says it is A-OK, then that is their choice. However it hasn't been allowed before. Especially not when it negatively affects the pony. Not to mention that Discord didn't ever KILL any pony. He just altered reality. There is also no evidence to suggest that anypony remembered the events of Discord other than the Mane 6 and Celestia/Luna. As an aside, orphan trope is quite over done in Mane RP, so much so that an Orphanage has been created. It isn't not allowed, but rather discouraged. Equestria is a rather happy place, and the Mane RP tries to reflect that as much as possible.Well that last bolded portion is too real for a fantasy world RP. Basically... Adele doesn't exist, so naturally neither would that song. You can change it to something like "a well known song from a famous pop music singer."Last thing... From the sounds of it, he got his cutie mark as a Stallion...That is not allowed. The help staff make it a strict point that cutie marks should be discovered in colthood.I hope that helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThunderHorse Posted November 15, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 Very well! Thanks for the advice! I'm still kinda new to the ponyverse, but creating characters is no problem for me usually.I added a FEW SMALL changes, just to mix it up a bit. Bits are the currency, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starswirlthebearded Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 Very well! Thanks for the advice! I'm still kinda new to the ponyverse, but creating characters is no problem for me usually.I added a FEW SMALL changes, just to mix it up a bit. Bits are the currency, right?Yup! Bits are indeed currency.Awesome! I look forward to seeing your progress on this app Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThunderHorse Posted November 15, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 Hmm...I think it's fine as is now, I dunno about you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starswirlthebearded Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 Hmm...I think it's fine as is now, I dunno about you...The only issue I see that will severely hinder you is something I mentioned before... His not getting his cutie mark as a colt. I've seen apps denied because they got their cutie mark on their birthday of becoming a stallion.Basically, from what we have seen in the show, no stallion or mare is ever without their cutie mark, and as such, that detail is rather important for the Mane RP. By adulthood a pony should know what their special talent is and have their cutie mark.If you really want to flesh out this app, following the questions in the application guide lines usually helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThunderHorse Posted November 15, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 Ah, so much for being an oddball lolThere you have it. A significant yet small change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojo Posted November 16, 2012 Report Share Posted November 16, 2012 Hi Thunderhorse!Looks like Starswirl's giving you very good pointers here! Excellent work here, you seem to have covered all of the required fields!However, I must confess, I'm a bit confused in reading it. When did his parents die? How old was Tipper when the tragedy struck? Was he an orphaned colt for a time (and perhaps spent time in the Equestria Orphanage)?And I think the disco ball cutie mark and disco dancing might be questioned by Senior RP Staff. Personally, I like it and think it fits but they might have a different opinion.Still, overall, this app looks soild with a strong backstory! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThunderHorse Posted November 16, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 16, 2012 I changed the whole "Orphan" thing, as Starswirl suggested, His parents still live in Apploosa.I thought it would be awesome if someone did a disco-dancing pony, so I decided to do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojo Posted November 17, 2012 Report Share Posted November 17, 2012 Like I said, I like the disco theme.Maybe because I'm one of the only 'ponies' on this MB that actually lived through the 'disco' era. In fact, I used to disco dance in my younger days. I wasn't "Saturday Night Fever", I was more like "Monday Morning BLAH!" on the dance floor, but I digress.Like I often joke when I remember my 'dancing' days: "Disco is dead, and I'M the one who KILLED IT!" :smirk: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RarityDash Posted November 18, 2012 Report Share Posted November 18, 2012 App looks fine to me... so: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starswirlthebearded Posted November 18, 2012 Report Share Posted November 18, 2012 Congrats ThunderHorse! Can't wait to see you in the game (There might be a slight delay as an admin moves you to the proper group) :D (sorry I stole Mojo's thing, but I felt it was applicable here) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThunderHorse Posted November 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 19, 2012 Wait..when did you steal Mojo's thingy? OH by the way, disco ain't dead if I keep it Stayin' Alive! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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