Earth Pony Apple Susie [READY]

[Twitter]

Roleplay Type:Mane RP

Name:Apple Susie

Sex:Female

Age:Young Filly

Species:Earth Pony

Eye colour:Pale Emerald

Coat:Tan Hazel with Freckles on her cheeks

Mane/Tail:

Hair: Long all the way to shoulder length and which a bang that hangs to the left. Her hair is two colours Cherry Red with streaks of Pineapple Yellow.

Tail: A short tuft with Pineapple yellow tips.

Physique:Small but still normal weight and slightly athletic

Residence:Appleloosa

Occupation:Student

Cutie Mark:None

History:

Apple Susie was born to two loving and hard working earth ponies apart of the elustrious Apple Family tree in the small and hardworkin' town of Appleloosa. Apple Susie's Dad used to be a rebel while in college always thinking Equestria was being controlled by some pony behind the scenes. Her mother was more of the silent and shy type and just let her father run the family. Seeing as Apple Susie hasn't lived all of the life she plans on living she hasn't really done much but help out the family farm, go to school, and hang out with friends. Susie had just recently stopped from being home schooled due to her father's beleifs and is joining public school like everypony else. Apple Susie's Pa used to teach her about math, the sciences and other such but she never trully found interest in that stuff. Her father was afraid that his little girl would be turned into a pony that wasn't the real her, but still slightly reluctant Apple Susie's Pa allowed Apple Susie to go to school with everypony else after her mother convinced him to let her make new friends outside of the house. Susie always used to look outside of her bedroom window and dreamed to explore inside and beyond Equestria.

Character Summary:

Apple Susie is usually a very bubbly and energetic little pony. Aside from the crazy and goofy, she's fully capable of being a serious, protective and slightly competitive filly. She can sometimes seem a bit stand offish when upset due to the fact that when she used to be home schooled she never had any other pony to talk to other than her parents. Susie is an adventurer by heart, likes to explore as much as possible, meet new creatures (whether pony or not), All types of apple sweets, dancing, and making tons of new friends! She's kind to everypony unless they give her a reason not to be and does not like to hurt anypony she especially has a soft spot for little foals and tiny creatures. One can summarize her personalities into: Kind, caring, funny, competitive, adventurous, and CRAAAAZY!

Becoming friends with Apple Susie can be pretty easy but she is sort of a novice at it. It is usually easy but she has to get to truly know you in order to truly become your friend. When it comes to friends she is very protective, but she can be a bit of a hot head and jump to conclusions when her friends feelings get hurt. For fun Susie usually hangs out with the little critters on the prairie, making new friends, reading the occasional adventure comic imported from the bigger cities, and exploring beyond Appleloosa (but not too far. Susie never really liked school, during her times foal-sitting she absolutely loathes dirty diapers and having to clean them she especially doesn’t like bullies, (I mean seriously who doesn’t?!?!). When it comes to “talents” Apple Susie doesn’t have many but the ones that she does have she considers them more like passions, some of these passions are Adventuring, Dancing (not really), Singing (sort of), being a diplomat between ponies, and getting into things that are none of her beeswax.

Apple Susie dreams to one day explore around and beyond Equestria, to get her cutie mark, and to meet new cultures. Even though Apple Susie is probably the most adventurous filly you could ever meet she still has fears like everypony else, such as being afraid of the dark, being abandoned, and never receiving her cutie mark.

Edited March 16, 2013 by Twitter

[Twitter]

Ready

[Hippo]

It's a very nice start for a first character application. So far, there is no problem with her living in Ponyville and being obscurely related to the Apple family. But please make sure that she has her own personality. The Apple family can afford to have all different types of ponies involved during their family get-togethers and such, so be sure to know that Susie does not need to fit any farm pony stereotype.

That being said, I would like to see more expansion on her character summary. Everything about her history and her current situation is harmless, but it also lacks individuality that contrasts this character with several other characters. If this character is young and still in school, you should try to go more in-depth with her younger personality and how it would contrast against other young ponies in Ponyville, cast and original characters.

Some of the characters personality you will be able to refine in actual role play, but the more specific you get in the application process, the more your character will jump off the page when the character is being written in to stories. Remember, the character can't just be interesting to you, the character has to be interesting to everyone.

[Davroth]

Reading over this, I'd like to add that you don't need to specify that she's good with animals but not as good as Fluttershy is. You can just be good with animals. If you think about it, the thing that gives Fluttershy her "edge" when it comes to wild animals, it's her stare, which an OC most likely wouldn't get approved. But you can certainly be just good with animals.

[Lux]

Hello, your friendly neighborhood Helpstaffer here!

You have a really cute character there.

A couple of things to consider though with this character.

1) I would consider placing your character in another town. We know that Ponyville is where the action happens in the show, but there are many other nice places that she can live in like Appleoosa, Manetattan, Fillydelphia, or Canterlot. Just some places to consider.

2) You should leave out the reference to not being as good as Fluttershy with taking care of animals. First of all, we don't allow any references to cast characters in OC apps, and secondly you can just explain that she is just learning to take care of them rather than comparing herself to others.

3) You should expand her history a little. I'd be interested in why her parents chose to home school her instead of allow her to go to public school as this can impact on how she meets her classmates. I also agree that your character doesn't have to fit the farm pony style. There are several Apple Family ponies that don't work on a farm. You might add the fact that she prefers working wit animals rather than kicking out with hind-legs apple trees. You should also memntion what she likes to do besides exploring and taking care of animals.

4) You should add more to her personality. Like Riverhippo said, nothing is wrong with what you have, but you should make Apple Susie stand out among the herd. Things like what is she normally like personality wise, what gets her upset and how she reacts, and what her hopes and dreams are can add to this character.

Hope this help you to make your character extra special!

[Twitter]

Thanks for the improvement comments I think I have touched on everything everypony has told me but im keeping her in Ponyville.

I think she's ready to be examined

[Lux]

Hello again. My question is why you want to choose Ponyville as where your character lives.

Ponyville is just a piece of Equestria and there are other places where a pony can live. Furthermore, not all Apple family members live in Ponyville and are scattered throughout other cities. In fact there are only four Apple family members living in Ponyville: Applejack, Apple Bloom, Granny Smith, and Big Macintosh. Now there needs to be a legitimate reason why you want Apple Susie there in Ponyville. Keep in mind being close to the Apple family of Sweet Apple Acres is not a legitimate reason. So I would encourage you to find another place for Apple Susie to stay, and if she wants to visit Ponyville, by all means. This is not just you but all new applications we're encouraging to do so. We want others to explore the other places rather than just have the action centered in Ponyville.

[Twitter]

Ok , the reason I want my pony to live in Ponyville is because most of the threads and events that happen in ponyville seem more like the type of things that she would like to spend her time doing, and they already have a school system set up. Being near characters like AppleJack,AppleBloom,Big Mac, and Granny Smith is just a bonus

Edited March 8, 2013 by Twitter

[Lux]

Well for threads, you can certainly make new ones to your liking in other locations. Also, other locations will certainly have schools where your pony can attend and friends her age that she can meet. More importantly show canon has shown that the only Apple Family ponies that live in Ponyville are the four living at Sweet Apple Acres. As such no other Apple pony has lived in Ponyvile there and I think it should stay that way. So here's the thing: you can have your character stay in Ponyville and just not be a member of the Apple family or she can live somewhere else. I'd personally choose the second option so that your character still is an Apple member. But those are your options.

[Hippo]

To be honest, location of your pony is very important, until the character is actually involved in a role play. Then it almost doesnt matter where the pony is from. Babs Seed in the show had a good presence in her episode and being from Manehatten didn't keep her from being able to be an effective character against the other apple cousins and CMCs. Same with RP, Babs' player could throw the character almost anywhere they wanted. They just need a creative reason as to why she would be there. And after that is established, no one really cares where the pony is from. And the fear of having no one to do stories with because you're not in Ponyville, is the same reason why everyone wants to be in Ponyville. If Ponyville wasn't such a high reality spot for RP OCs, then maybe it wouldn't be the spot that people feel is 'the only place to RP'.

[SteelEagle]

Yeah, what River said. Take Valen Orange- he lives in Manehattan, but 75% of his threads are in Ponyville. Choosing a residence is important, but you aren't confined to RPing there!

[Twitter]

OOOOOOHHHH ok I'll change it to APPPLLLEEEELOOSSAA! (sorry if I typed it overly exaggerated just wanted to do it)

SO it's been editted now

[Hippo]

Braeburn lives in Appleloosa and there is a background pony Apple Pie being played in Appleloosa as well. Both of them are RP helpers!

[Twitter]

Awesome! but wait what does that mean for me??

[starswirlthebearded]

Awesome! but wait what does that mean for me??

It means there could be some fantastic Apple family rp to be had in Appaloosa!

[Lux]

Awesome! but wait what does that mean for me??

Well, it means you can meet some nice ponies living there, including some Apple Family members, including my OC Apple Cinnamon. But more importantly, you can always visit other towns to meet other ponies.

[Twitter]

AWESOOOOOOME! wait so am I accepted or not??

[Lux]

Well, the application will go through a review process, but you should know soon the results. Either you will heard feedback from me if something else needs fixed or you'll see a stamp meaning your character is ready to go.

[Twitter]

Well, the application will go through a review process, but you should know soon the results. Either you will heard feedback from me if something else needs fixed or you'll see a stamp meaning your character is ready to go.

Okey Smokey THANK YA!!!

[Lux]

Ok. Having reviewed this with the other Helpstaffers, I have a few things to request.

First let's look at this line in the History section:

[colour=#ff0000]Her father was afraid that his little girl would be brainwashed by the Diarchist government so is still slightly reluctant to allow Apple Susie to go but her mother convinced him to let her make new friends outside of the house.[/colour]

My problem and for others is that this line seems too dark. It's as if the father is dissenting to the government. Now while the father can, you don't have to going into him brainwashing Apple Susie. So I'd tone this back.

Now this:

[colour=#ff0000]Likes: All types of apple sweets, family, adventures, Making new friends, dancing, taking care of littler ponies

Dislikes:Bullies, School, stinky diapies, ponies who give her a reason not to like them.

Friend-wise:Susie is usually a filly you can easily become friends with but she tends to study a pony before she friends them which might take a while.

Hobbies: Amatuer Foal sitting, hanging out with little critters, making new friends, reading the occasional adventure comic, and exploring beyond the invisible boundaries of her home

Talents:Animal caretaking, Adventuring, singing (kind of), DANCING OH YEAH! (not really), diplomating,and getting into certain things that are none of her beeswax.

Faults: She can be a bit of a novice at making friends, Hot headed, Overly protective, and has a bit of a sweet tooth

Dreams: To explore around and beyond Equestria, getting her cutie mark, and to meet different creatures (Sentient like the buffalo people and such)

Fears: The dark, being abandoned, and never getting her cutie mark[/colour]

With our new application format http://www.canterlot.com/topic/12309-raritys-simply-fabulous-application-form-read-this-before-posting-an-application/ we often combine these areas into the Character Summary area. Otherwise it seems that things are scattered. So I would expand your Character Summary section by adding some of this information and then delete this area. It will make things more clear and fit with the application format.

Let me know if you need any help with these fixes.

[Twitter]

EDITED!

[Twitter]

Soooooooooo is someone going to check this???

[Rosewind]

Hi Twitter! We have a team of volunteers that will review your application and let you know if anything more needs adjusting. Check back soon and we'll let you know in this thread.

[Twitter]

Okey Smokey

[SunsetSombra]

Gone through the application - seems fairly in order, and has a pretty cute overall flavour to it that would fit into the RP as a whole!

Welcome aboard - you're now approved for RP goodness.

Oh, see you around...I RP Big Mac, so it'll be interesting to see how she fares with ALL the other Apples!

" [colour=#b22222]Eeeeeeeyup[/colour]! "