A little story i've written[wip]

[kat]

Hey! I've just recently caught the epic virus known as Friendship is Magic. So, i did what anypony usually does, and read some fanfics.

And i've read too many grimdark fanfics, which actually made me cry when nothing else has.

Now, whenever i think of pinkie pie, i think get sad. ;-;

So, i had an OC, and wondered, "Hmm... What can i do with her besides a shipping story that involves fluttershy? Oh yes! i can write a story!"

Well, about two hours of work, i have one and a half pages. Before i get further into this, i want to know if anyone has suggestions or comments.

I'm crappy at writing, and this is the first actual story i've started writing that i feel i can go on with it.

Thanks!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1OA6 ... =CIDtvq4I#

[Ebon Mane]

It has potential, and though it's a little over dramatic for my taste, it could be what you were going for. Still, I'm not sure leading with that scene would be the best way of presenting the story, if you're going for a narrative rather than just a character backstory. This even seems like the sort of thing that might be better as an event that's flashed back to, or that's talked about, thought about, and implied rather than outright shown. Of course, that's a stylistic choice, so there's no wrong answer, just answers that are easier to present well than others.

In any case, everyone starts out crappy at writing. The only ways to get better are to read more and (most importantly) write more. So don't stop writing; I'm looking forward to seeing the finished version of this, when you're done.

Also, "I gave birth to you!", isn't that generally something that could only be said by a mother? The way I've seen that phrase used, it's the mother that gives birth to someone, not the father.

[kat]

It has potential, and though it's a little over dramatic for my taste, it could be what you were going for. Still, I'm not sure leading with that scene would be the best way of presenting the story, if you're going for a narrative rather than just a character backstory. This even seems like the sort of thing that might be better as an event that's flashed back to, or that's talked about, thought about, and implied rather than outright shown. Of course, that's a stylistic choice, so there's no wrong answer, just answers that are easier to present well than others.

In any case, everyone starts out crappy at writing. The only ways to get better are to read more and (most importantly) write more. So don't stop writing; I'm looking forward to seeing the finished version of this, when you're done.

Also, "I gave birth to you!", isn't that generally something that could only be said by a mother? The way I've seen that phrase used, it's the mother that gives birth to someone, not the father.

Thanks! I'll take that into consideration.

[Bramble Rose]

On the subject of "Pinkie Pie makes you sad"... all I can recommend is what helped my friend to get through that same thing - Pinkie Pie's 'no fear' song from the pilot. Giggle at the Ghastlies.

The subject is a difficult one, and not one that people generally think of in terms of ponies. I'm not sure how much I really like the Pony world getting 'realistic', because I like it as an escape from the nasty stuff around me everyday. But that's just my own personal preference.

But taking the subject as it is, I feel it was also a little too straightforward. Because this sort of thing happens under the cover of secrecy, being hidden away, I feel that stories about the subject are also best done not as a 'shocking' display of what's happening, but instead as peeling back the layers of secrecy to come at it from the outside. Perhaps it would better be done as Skylight telling stories about her doll being held captive by a monster? Or trying to go back and get her doll, and being stopped.

Finally - it really makes very little sense to me, thinking of a horse picking up another horse by the skin of their neck. They're not kittens. **

But other than that, your writing itself is *not* bad. Decent sense of grammar and vocab, easy to read. Keep at it, because the only thing for improvement is lots and lots and lots of quantity.

[kat]

You know what, i really have no experience in this (experience with writing and the subject matter), so i'm just going to scrap this. it sucks, and i don't think it'll turn out anywhere. Kat and Sky end up in ponyville, and nothing really happens on the way there. so, there's my story!

[Bramble Rose]

*squirms uncomfortably*

I didn't want to discourage you from writing... *hangs head* You'll do better the more you try to write... just keep working at it and you'll figure out more and more of what works and what doesn't.

[MyLittlePonyTales]

You know what, i really have no experience in this (experience with writing and the subject matter), so i'm just going to scrap this. it sucks, and i don't think it'll turn out anywhere. Kat and Sky end up in ponyville, and nothing really happens on the way there. so, there's my story!

There are some stories that just don't work. (Not speaking specifically about your story, haven't read it yet.) If you're not used to writing, it can be rough starting out. It's something that needs to be practiced, and having people read what you've written can help point out what you can work on. Read a lot, and write a lot, and you'll get better with time. It's an art form, and generally those take practice.

[Ebon Mane]

*squirms uncomfortably*

I didn't want to discourage you from writing... *hangs head* You'll do better the more you try to write... just keep working at it and you'll figure out more and more of what works and what doesn't.

Bramble beat me to saying it.

Don't give up! Make it the best story you can, even if it's not up to your standards. There's nothing wrong with being inexperienced, and nobody writes perfectly (Or even well) their first time. Writing stories that people enjoy is very rewarding, but you can't get there without writing a lot of stuff that's... well... somewhere between mediocre and terrible. At least, that's how it worked for me; I wrote terribly for years before I figured out a style that works for me and that many people perceive as decent.

[kat]

I'm not discouraged from writing, i'm just discouraged from writing this story. it deals with a sensitive topic, and they basically just end up going to ponyville. I'll try writing again, just not at this type of stuff.

[Bramble Rose]

As long as you're not feeling discouraged about writing, then I'm all right with that. And I hope to read other things that you've written before too long! The writing was really rather good!