Unicorn [unicorn]IronHeart[FINAL]

[Ironheart]

Name:IronHeart

Sex:Male

Age:Colt

Species:Unicorn

Pelt Color:Grey

Mane/Tail/Markings Color & Style:IronHeart’s pelt is grey, but along his flanks and down the top of his spine are streaks of deep violet, the colour growing in intensity the further down it goes. His mane is short, only going down to the sides of his head, but is much along the same lines; black, but with streaks of violet. His tail is the most vibrant part of this striking, almost garish colt, with numerous shades of purple, violet and indigo merging into a plume of brilliance. .

Eye Color:Deep red

Cutie Mark: IronHeart’s cutie mark is a shield, with the outline of it in gold while the inside is a sky blue. There is a gold cross that divides the blue of the shield, and the mark itself takes up the entirety of IronHeart’s right flank.

Physique:IronHeart, becoming adept at running through the dusty wastelands of Appleoosa, has a bulky, strong build, very muscular and far from lean. But don’t let that fool you, IronHeart can clear ground quite quickly.

Origin:Originally from Appleoosa

Roleplay Type:‘Mane’ Equestria Universe

Occupation:None as yet

Motivation:IronHeart at first had no motivations; he would have been quite happy to just breeze through life as a blank flank until the day he died. But in a blaze of glory, he found his purpose, and it left him with a motivation: he wants something, somepony, to protect. The catch is that Celestia or Luna don’t seem to fit the bill for him. In fact, he could think of nothing more yawn-inducing than becoming a mere guard or law-abiding enforcer. He’s out for excitement, the thrill of defending something worth protecting, but above all, he wants to have that purpose in the first place: it is the role of the ardent defender that sustains him now.

Likes:Combat, trickery, moonbathing

Dislikes:Royalty, the law, being told what he can and can’t do

Character Summary: It started in Appleoosa. IronHeart’s mother, IronStar, shared the traits of her unborn son; fearless and reckless, she would go out of her way to start trouble just for the thrill of the chase. This often landed her in trouble, but there were always allowances made, and IronStar would often find herself spending a day under lock and key, or doing community service unpaid. It was a tumultuous cycle, but it never really went out of control.

But one night, a band of locals grew tired of IronStar’s meddling. They banded together and told the wannabe femme fatale that she had to leave Appleoosa. In a final act of defiance, she spat in the face of the ringleader, then bolted for the hills. Her home back up for rent, the Sandrunner family moved in, only to find the remnants of IronStar’s legacy: a letter titled ‘To occupier’, the shackle that IronStar had worn every time she ended up in the cubes, and a young foal. Startled at the discovery, Mrs Sandrunner first went to the young grey foal, a single violet streak in his mane, while Mr Sandrunner opened the letter to find a sheet of blank parchment, and the following:

Dear new occupier of this home,

If you are reading this, then I have left town. It’s no big deal, us ponies come and go as we please, but I have one request not just as the new occupier of my home, but as a big favor to a humbled troublemaker.

As you’re probably aware, there’s a foal in your home. This is my son, my pride and joy and my best kept secret from the folk in this town. Please don’t shout that out from the top of your lungs, else he might befall the same fate I did. If you’re willing, take care of him until he is old enough to take care of himself. If you don’t feel up to the task, please find someone else who is willing to look after the foal.

Should you be willing to take up the reins of my son, tell him when he asks that his mother has just left for a while, and that he’ll be reunited with me soon enough. You may have noticed the shackle that was resting upon this letter before you opened it. When he is old enough, place the shackle on one of his front hooves. He will no doubt ask why you’ve done this, and my answer is as follows: give him that slip of parchment, and get him to soak it in water. He’ll figure it out, I’m sure. As for a name, you’ll be watching over his development, so I’ll leave that with you.

I’m counting on you. Many thanks and much love,

~IronStar

The message was all too much to take in at the very moment, but after sleeping on it, the Sandrunners, who didn’t have a foal of their own, decided to take up the youngling as one of their own. But it certainly wasn’t easy going. When all the other foals of Appleoosa wanted to go out and frolic and play with each other, IronStar’s son just wouldn’t integrate. And when he tried to, he was nearly silent, not through being shy, he just didn’t want to play. Which led to the moment that chose his name for him...

You see, one young filly, Shinebright, had taken a shine to the dark, brooding, mysterious foal. And, as the young do, she approached him one afternoon with the token of everlasting love: a marriage proposal. His response was certainly not what she was looking for, especially not in front of all the other juveniles who had assembled to witness Shinebright’s proposal. Devastated at being shot down, she exclaimed “You have no heart! NO HEART!” and stormed off, crying. Most of the witnessing young foals followed Shinebright while others stayed and whispered as the grey foal went home. Over dinner with his ‘parents’, he became conscious and asked what he believed to be a very intellectual question.

“Mother, do all unicorns have a heart?”

Her response was what he was looking for. “Of course they do, dear. Everypony has a heart.” The foal looked down in shame before speaking again. “Because Shinebright told me that I didn’t have a heart...” Clearly hurt by this, Mrs Sandrunner trotted over and gave the foal a comforting embrace. “You’ve got the biggest heart I know of. You may not show it in the way others do, but I know you’ve got the most enormous heart inside. Don’t let the others upset you, ok? You’re special...IronHeart.” The name seemed to fit perfectly. Homage to his true mother, proof that he had a heart, yet ironic when you looked at his somewhat depravity. Yes, IronHeart fit very well.

Time passed, but still not much changed. The major change was IronHeart’s care of his physical development. Almost every day, he would go out and run across the barren wastelands up to the point where he didn’t get lost (marked by a withered cactus) and then run back. As more time passed he would do this carrying Mr Sandrunner’s saddle bag. The result was IronHeart building up significant muscle mass, to the point where he could out perform even his father figure in physical contest. Not that he had any need to, as he had accepted that Mr Sandrunner was his father, and he was the only stallion within his heart that he could ever love.

And then the time came. The strong bodied IronHeart returned from his daily routine to find both of his ‘parents’ waiting for him, a shackle on the table. “What’s going on?” IronHeart backed up a little bit, but was soon reassured by Mrs Sandrunner. “It’s ok, IronHeart. But you’re old enough to know the truth now.” A little worried, the young colt stood on his guard. He tried to use magic, but his horn just wouldn’t glow. “Son, please. This is important. Just trust us, ok? We love you.” Still not wholly convinced, IronHeart slowly padded forwards to Mr Sandrunner, giving his left hoof when instructed. As predicted, as the shackle was fitted to his leg, he asked what the meaning of it was. And sure enough, they gave him the parchment and instructed him to soak it in water. A little weirded out, the colt nodded his head and duly did what he was told. As the parchment soaked, a message began to materialize:

If you can read this, then this very night, go outside while the moon is high in the sky, hold your shackle in the moonlight, and state the following:

Here within the dead of night,

I am blind, so grant me sight,

Hear me now we’er you are,

Hear me, mother, IronStar

That night, without telling the Sandrunners anything, he crept outside and, in the moonlight, he proclaimed the verse quietly. He noticed as he was speaking that the shackle began to glow with a faint violet aura. Amazed and afraid, he continued, shutting his eyes tight as he finished the verse...

“...I never thought I’d get to lay my eyes on you again...my son...”

Opening his eyes, he looked at the shackle again. From the glowing violet mist that billowed from the metal cuff, he could see...no, feel the eyes of his true mother upon him. It was a revelation. “The family that have raised you thus far are not your true parents. Though love them, as they have looked after you for me. But your adventures are just beginning. Find your purpose, find where your heart wants to take you, and you will find me waiting there to give you a loving embrace.” Now full on crying, IronHeart nodded his head as his mother faded away. Taking a moment to just pour his heart out, he looked behind him to see that the Sandrunners had witnessed everything. He galloped towards them, throwing himself into their hooves, and their manes soaked up IronHeart’s tears. “I won’t let you down...I promise...I promise...”

And finally, the day arrived. With a borrowed saddlebag from his ‘father’ filled with supplies, he said a bittersweet goodbye to the Sandrunner family, vowing that he would return with stories, love and hopefully, a cutie mark. Confident in his physical durability and mental strength, he bounded east, eventually finding his way to Ponyville, although he found the so-called legendary town to be a...major anticlimax. The ponies there were friendly enough, but nothing ever really seemed to happen. On top of that, he began to find the rule of Celestia and Luna to be tiresome; when would something exciting happen? Frustrated and bored, IronHeart doubled back, heading west back through the Everfree Forest. It was there that he found one of his greatest loves...conflict.

Managing to get himself good and lost, the unicorn attempted to retrace his steps and get back on the path that would lead to Ponyville. However, on the way, he encountered a trio of hound-like hunters that had been following him through the foliage for quite some time. When they made their presence known, surrounding IronHeart, he let natural instinct take over. Pounding the floor twice with his shackled hoof, he bounded at one of the aggressors, who swiftly avoided the charge. The other two closed the distance, one leaping on his back and sinking its fangs into his flank. “Oh, now hey.” IronHeart exclaimed and, getting an adrenaline rush from both the pain and the thrill, shook the hound off before trampling it, the other two running away after the act of dominance. Looming over the wounded hound, he cocked his head to the side. “Go on, leave, before I change my mind.” The dog limped back into the foliage, and IronHeart checked both of his flanks; a nasty bitemark, but no cutie mark...

Convinced that he would have to face down greater foes in order to attain his mark, IronHeart prowled the forest, looking for trouble, and he kept finding it; large lizard-like creatures, apelike foes, IronHeart wouldn’t stop hunting until he collapsed by a tree, sustaining heavy injuries. Still, he didn’t have a cutie mark like he expected. But his time was about to come...

“HELP! SOMEBODY, HELP!”

Hearing the call, IronHeart had no more time to lick his wounds. He bolted towards the voice in time to see a pair of earth ponies being closed down by a forest troll, axe in hand. Everything seemed to move in slow-motion as IronHeart bounded forwards from the foliage in time to see the monster raise its weapon, ready to strike a mortal blow to the male earth pony protecting the female.

IronHeart’s horn began to glow.

In a flash, IronHeart stood just in front of the ponies, and the troll must have seen him too, as he averted his swing’s trajectory to favor the unicorn as his next meal. But rather than moving, IronHeart was so taken with the adrenaline, so full of fury, that rather than move, he stood his ground. He was being empowered by something. And his horn glowered angrily, a profound violet burst of light hovering at the apex of the horn.

With a battle cry that would make even the most hardened ponies tremble, IronHeart smashed at the floor with his hooves. The Troll’s axe swing was dead accurate, but from where he had sundered the floor with his smash, a bulwark of energy had arisen vertically, blocking the axe blow. Enraged, the troll began to swing violently at the barrier, but he could not break it. “Run, if you value your lives!” cried IronHeart, parrying blow after blow with his magic shield. “I won’t forget this! Thank you!” said the pony, both of them fleeing. But there was a problem; IronHeart knew he wouldn’t be able to face down a forest troll alone, and he could feel the exhaustion setting in from keeping up his barrier. So he waited for the troll to swing one more time. And sure enough, that swing came...

With a burst of his remaining energy, IronHeart put such force into the bulwark that just striking it sent the troll careening backwards onto his backside, giving the unicorn the chance to flee to safety, following he route the ponies he saved took and finding the road back to Ponyville.

Exhausted, he didn’t even realize that he had earned his cutie mark, the shield taking up his right flank. But when he finally noticed, he smiled and looked to the sky; he knew that he was a defender. But what of? What did he have to defend? He now knew that his talent was a protective one, but only time would tell what he had to protect...

[Snowshoe]

Seems good though I just glanced over it so far. Just one thing, as far as coding goes, it should go

[b]Likes:[/b] Combat, Trickery, his heritage, moonbathing

With the information outside the bold tags.

[Ironheart]

I'm still having a little trouble with the coding, but it should look a little better now ^^

[Pony_Sage]

Hay there, you seem to have the starts of an interesting pony here, however there could be some more added to him. First off, if you take a look at his colour scheme you will notice that he is awfully grey, the cutie-mark as well. Now there is nothing bad about this, however the cutie-mark should stand out upon its background at least a little. Also, how did he earn it? I think you may have missed a section in the middle of the story there when the editor freaked out on you. Why did his mother name him Iron Heart, it seems like an interesting name but it is never addressed. Why did he want one of his mother's shackles? Also there is a topic that should be addressed, there is not much criminal activity in the 'Mane' RP, if there was some it would be minor infractions and usually done for a non malicious reason. So Iron Heart's mother being locked up for so long for such a crime just does not fit the spirit of the 'Mane' RP. Maybe there could be another story behind it that gets the same point across. When you add simple things like this to the application what it serves to do is add depth and dimension to your character, which makes them more fun for you to play and others to interact with.

I am sure that if you address these points your application will be right on track to being accepted.

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

[Ironheart]

Thank you for the feedback, I really appreciate it ^^ I've re-vamped the profile with a more in-depth story to answer the unanswered questions~ when you get the time give it a once over and once again I'll be happy with more feedback ^^

[QuickLime]

It's a lovely app but I have the feeling it's a touch too dark and such for the mane Rp..

[brianblackberry]

Well that is quite the applications, and I think it can be stamped and approved for RP, it just needs a couple minor tweaks:

-- I suggest changing "forest troll" to "forest monster". We don't know if trolls even exist in the FiM universe; however by saying a more generic "monster" it allows for the possibility it was a troll in case such creatures are introduced in the series.

-- Appleoosa has only existed for a year. In Over A Barrel, Braeburn stated the town is only about a year old. As such he could have no been raised there. Of course we have an entire region around the town where this could have occurred just as easily which this story would work just as well.

Other than the above minor tweaks, I think everything is fine.

[MyLittlePonyTales]

You have a great looking Application, and the Helpstaff have given excellent suggestions to help you improve it. But, there is one thing I need to point out. The part where he communicates with his mother using the shackle... it needs to be tweaked a little. It's okay to for him to receive a predetermined message from his mother, however, he cannot actually COMMUNICATE with her. In the past, we've had to have users change Applications that have to do with talking to or conjuring ghosts, or otherwise communicating with the dead. If his mother set up something magical before she died, that's okay, but once characters are dead, there's no way to talk with them face to face again.

[SunsetSombra]

For the most part, this is a nicely written intricate Application and I believe you've altered according to suggestions given by all.

so I'm gonna send it on up to the next stage for final assessment!

[Skye]