brianblackberry Posted April 19, 2012 Report Share Posted April 19, 2012 Reading this application I feel tha it is still quite thin in some areas, which should be expanded in order tomake a more rounded characetr to tell the story of and for people to interact with.]Origin/Residence:Born in Cloudsdale but moved to Ponyville hearing about those sick parties.Ponyville is pretty crowded with characters right now, so t would be best to keep his home as Cloudsdale, it doesn't mean he can't visit Ponyville or do his shows there, he can, he just be "from Cloudsdale". As he is a pegasus and Cloudsdale is relatively close, it wouldn't be that much of a commute.Occupation:DJ!Character Summary:She is very outspoken and friendly.She is loyal to her friends since she dosn't have many.She always has her DJ shades on.She also carries her Ponypod and earphones with her everywhere.Well Equestria doesn't have the technology for Walkman type devices let along the advanced electronics needed for an iPod equivalent. I also like to hear more about her as a pony, as this section is very thin. We realy don't know much about her other than she is friendly, wears Dj glasses, and likes to DJ. What else does she like to do? Compose music? Play instraments? Does she have other hobbies? You mention he is outspoken, is it just in general or about specific things? Does she like to do parties and socialize or is she shy, etc.History:She lived in a crusty old house that she hated.She went to a private school.But she grew up in an abusive family also that hated her.She basicly hated them back and heard that she had a sister that was sent to an orphange.After hearing this she now wanted to find her sister.((P.S. Her sister is Neon Bright if you haven't found out yet.))Why was her family abusive and why would they hate her? Ponies are a pretty kind and caring lot overall, so why would her family have any sort of resentment towards her? Why was her sister given up to an orphanage (very usual if the parents are around) and not up for adoption, why did she not have the same fate (espeically if her family didn't like her)? It struggles to make sense. Having the family be like this should serve a purpose for the character's development andsimply not me for the sake of being (because it appears cliche).Also has she ever met her sister, if not, why does she seek her sister so? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bronynumber299 Posted April 19, 2012 Report Share Posted April 19, 2012 Reading this application I feel tha it is still quite thin in some areas, which should be expanded in order tomake a more rounded characetr to tell the story of and for people to interact with.Ponyville is pretty crowded with characters right now, so t would be best to keep his home as Cloudsdale, it doesn't mean he can't visit Ponyville or do his shows there, he can, he just be "from Cloudsdale". As he is a pegasus and Cloudsdale is relatively close, it wouldn't be that much of a commute.Occupation:DJ!Well Equestria doesn't have the technology for Walkman type devices let along the advanced electronics needed for an iPod equivalent. I also like to hear more about her as a pony, as this section is very thin. We realy don't know much about her other than she is friendly, wears Dj glasses, and likes to DJ. What else does she like to do? Compose music? Play instraments? Does she have other hobbies? You mention he is outspoken, is it just in general or about specific things? Does she like to do parties and socialize or is she shy, etc.Why was her family abusive and why would they hate her? Ponies are a pretty kind and caring lot overall, so why would her family have any sort of resentment towards her? Why was her sister given up to an orphanage (very usual if the parents are around) and not up for adoption, why did she not have the same fate (espeically if her family didn't like her)? It struggles to make sense. Having the family be like this should serve a purpose for the character's development andsimply not me for the sake of being (because it appears cliche).Also has she ever met her sister, if not, why does she seek her sister so?Sorry.I will change it soon.Probably tomorrow as I am busy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyLittlePonyTales Posted April 22, 2012 Report Share Posted April 22, 2012 How is this Application coming along? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bronynumber299 Posted April 22, 2012 Report Share Posted April 22, 2012 How is this Application coming along?Not too good.Unfourtunely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brianblackberry Posted April 22, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 22, 2012 Not too good.Unfourtunely.What is the issue? Anything we can do to help in that regard? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bronynumber299 Posted April 22, 2012 Report Share Posted April 22, 2012 What is the issue? Anything we can do to help in that regard?I think I'm going to change the title back to WIP.Mostly because I have another writing project that I want to concentrate on.I'll put it to WIP and gat back to you guys when I'm ready for final. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bronynumber299 Posted April 22, 2012 Report Share Posted April 22, 2012 I tweaked it alot! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brianblackberry Posted April 23, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 23, 2012 For Great Justice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bronynumber299 Posted April 23, 2012 Report Share Posted April 23, 2012 Thanx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dio Posted April 24, 2012 Report Share Posted April 24, 2012 Personality is a bit thin. Part of the personality is any personal quirks or preferences she has. How does she try too hard to be "cool"? Is she successful? Does she use any particular rhythm motifs in her music? Does she prefer a particular set of sample tracks? Do little things in the crowd get to her?Little things like this help flesh out the character and give you additional material to work with in RP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bronynumber299 Posted April 24, 2012 Report Share Posted April 24, 2012 Personality is a bit thin. Part of the personality is any personal quirks or preferences she has. How does she try too hard to be "cool"? Is she successful? Does she use any particular rhythm motifs in her music? Does she prefer a particular set of sample tracks? Do little things in the crowd get to her?Little things like this help flesh out the character and give you additional material to work with in RP.Ok I'll try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dio Posted April 28, 2012 Report Share Posted April 28, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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