Zebra Giza Upanga [Final]

[Black]

Roleplay Type: World of Equestria RP and Crossover RP

Name: Giza Upanga (Black Sword in Zebra)

Sex: Male

Age: Stallion

Species: Zebra

Eye Color: Deep Grey

Coat Color: Black with hints of grey and deep grey Zebra Markings.

Mane/Tail/Markings Color & Style: Unkempt Long Black and Grey Mane, Mostly slicked back with A long unkempt black and white tail. Has black Zebra Rings on this front and hind legs.

Tribal Mark: A tribal mark shaped like a Shield on top of a Broadsword.

Origin/Residence: Gallopocus Islands/Canterlot

Occupation: Craftsman/Blacksmith/Canterlot Night Guard Militia Volunteer (Part-Time)

Motivation: His motivation is the desire to make and fix things and to make his craft well-known, not only for his benefit but also for the earth pony that taught metalworking to him. His ultimate motive is to make a shield that no weapon or magic can pierce, becoming a legendary smith for the sake of the earth pony that helped him become a master. His current motive is to become a royal blacksmith to make armor for the Kingdom of Equestria to make his metal and craftwork known.

Likes:

- Metal

- Wood

- Forges

- Hard Work

- Virtue

- Manners

- Balance

- Fighting (even though that is a last thing he would do if the problem called for it.)

Dislikes:

- Those that think appearence is everything.

- Annoyance

- Those that use power to bully others.

- Being around ponies that annoy him.

- Very loud noises while working.

Character Summary:

Giza was always a very serious Zebra, even as a colt. His father always pushed him to be the best in his tribe on the western most Gallopocus Island...but he was far from it as he was the smallest out of most of the other Zebra Colts. He was always bullied by the chief's son and his friends. They always messed him but Giza was never detered by this bullyiing until the day most Zebra Colts feared, the kuwamtu ritual, a trial all colts of his tribe must under go to become stallions. The Chief's son and his friends were in the ritual as Giza was. Every step of the way, they tried to make him fail but Giza, through his intellence and ingenuity, over came them every time. The ritual was down to the final two, Giza and the Chief's son. The last test was to defeat a manticore and get a hair from its mane. The Chief's son believed he could face the beast head on. He was defeated easliy by the manticore's strength. Giza knew he couldn't defeat it head on so he used his mind and craft to do so by trapping it in a net and using a well made spear he created himself. The manticore surrendered in a matter of moments. He returned to the tribe with pride and honor as his Sword and Shield tribal mark appeared....

Many years later, Giza finally came of age to see the world. He said goodbye to his father and left on the first boat out. He traveled to the main land of Equestia, looking for a fresh new start. The ponies of Equestia were far more friendly than he was used to which was a welcome change as he ran into a traveling earth pony blacksmith. The blacksmith was impressed with his crafting of wood and asked Giza to be his apprentice. He agreed as they started to travel Equestia together. Giza learned many things by him as they became friends along the way...until one day. The blacksmith and Giza were walking along a mountain until a dragon knocked some rocks loose as it caused a rockslide. The Blacksmith pushed Giza out of the way as he was crushed by the rocks. Lucky enough, he lived but his hooves were smashed so he couldn't work anymore. Giza brought him back to his family and promised to take on his dreams. He left him to disappear for 2 years to train himself to become a master blacksmith. After his training, he came to Canterlot to start his dream. After seeing that opening a metal works store would cost quite a lot of bits, Giza saw a flyer for opening for the night guards militia volunteer program. He went to the tryouts and passed every test they gave him, showing that he was capable of doing the job.. Now he moonlights as a night guard as he opened his store, a rather small run down place, with the bits he made so far on his new job...hopefully to make his friend's dream come true: To create the ultimate shield.

[Latte]

Uh, hon.. You should change 'Mare' to 'Stallion' in Age. Mare is for female ponies, and stallion is for male ponies..

[Black]

I believe that is good. Ready for Critiquing!

[Black]

So no Critiques? That is rather interesting....Happy to switch to Final if no objections.

[GhostGirl]

Staff usually won't critique your app until it's switched to final, but every once in a while one of us users pops in to see what's what with a WiP character. Quick note:

The motivations you have listed are what your character wants to do, but what should be listed is why your character wants to do these things! For example, my first OC, Storm Medley, works herself to the bone. Why? Because she wants to do the best she can. That is her motivation for working so hard. Another good one, perhaps one you can pick out better, is Twilight Sparkle. She wants to read pretty much every book she comes across, informative or otherwise. Why does she want to do this? Because she wants to learn as much as she can. Her motivation is a desire to learn.

Your characters goals should be listed in the character summary, but WHY he wants to accomplish those goals should be listed under Motivations.

Another note: Have you possibly considered Stalliongrad instead of Canterlot as your character's residence? Stalliongrad is more industrially minded, a perfect place to open up a metalworks. We've got a map and some more information on it here. Just something to consider.

Otherwise this app, to me, looks fantastic, and should be ready to switch to final.

[Black]

Ah. I see. I added a bit more to his motivation to clear that up. As for Canterlot, I thought it would be more fitting for him to there because he wants to be a royal blacksmith. It seems that it would make more sense for him to be close by to that job...also it would seem a city like that would also have various artisans and craftsman to maintain upkeep so he would have an vast amount of work. Seems like an excellent place for someone like him.

Switching to Final.

[brianblackberry]

Alright, looks good to me.

For Great Justice!

[Black]

Excellent. Thank you.

[Dio]