Pegasus Starstruck [FINAL]

[Mojo]

Hi Starstruck!

I'll be doing the initial evaluation of this app, now that it is Final, and I must admit, this is very well written!

Her backstory is sad, but this char seems to have the will to overcome and succeed, excellent!

It seems a very cruel irony that she got her cutie mark and was unable to see it. Starstruck was remarkable in the way she was able to hide her blindness from so many others. How did she hide it from her teacher in school? Not trying to nitpick or anything like that, I'm simply curious about this aspect of your char's backstory?

[Starstruck]

Hi Starstruck!

I'll be doing the initial evaluation of this app, now that it is Final, and I must admit, this is very well written!

Her backstory is sad, but this char seems to have the will to overcome and succeed, excellent!

It seems a very cruel irony that she got her cutie mark and was unable to see it. Starstruck was remarkable in the way she was able to hide her blindness from so many others. How did she hide it from her teacher in school? Not trying to nitpick or anything like that, I'm simply curious about this aspect of your char's backstory?

Good question~ her teacher had noticed something off about her but the eclipse had happened over the summer so, this had been her new teacher when she got into the next grade(or.... at least i think thats how the Equestrian school system works...... ) She was able to hide it because she was sort of able to gain something along the lines of a sixth sense so to speak. Once she knew where an object was she would be able to remember that for however long she would need that information. Thus she was able to move around the class room, school, and the city from memory. Like photographic memory or something~

Thanks for looking it over and giving me some feed back! I love to hear what people think about my work~

[Imagination]

Hey there!

Not asking for change here, per se, but I wish to address the 'total blindness' bit.

Yes, looking into an eclipse is dangerous, however achieveing total blindness would still take quite a bit of time. Most eye damage from the sun usually causes partial blindness, and in most cases of that it's not permanent. Again, not saying you have to change it, but just putting things in perspective so you know what you're going in to

As far as the character in general is concerned, I'd just ask for clarification. How does she accomplish day-to-day tasks? How does she get around? Is there a certain way she recognises other ponies (touching their face, speaking, etc. etc.)? Does she use a cane? A seeing-eye-dog? Anything of that nature?

As far as clipping goes, I'm afraid the staff at large has decided that it is not allowed for the Mane RP. I'd ask that you please find an alternative, if not remove it entirely.

Now, despite the stuffola above, this certainly seems like a neat idea! I hope you can clarify/ change the things discussed, and then I'd have no issue whatsoever in giving this a stamp and sending it on its way!

[Starstruck]

Hey there!

Not asking for change here, per se, but I wish to address the 'total blindness' bit.

Yes, looking into an eclipse is dangerous, however achieveing total blindness would still take quite a bit of time. Most eye damage from the sun usually causes partial blindness, and in most cases of that it's not permanent. Again, not saying you have to change it, but just putting things in perspective so you know what you're going in to

As far as the character in general is concerned, I'd just ask for clarification. How does she accomplish day-to-day tasks? How does she get around? Is there a certain way she recognises other ponies (touching their face, speaking, etc. etc.)? Does she use a cane? A seeing-eye-dog? Anything of that nature?

As far as clipping goes, I'm afraid the staff at large has decided that it is not allowed for the Mane RP. I'd ask that you please find an alternative, if not remove it entirely.

Now, despite the stuffola above, this certainly seems like a neat idea! I hope you can clarify/ change the things discussed, and then I'd have no issue whatsoever in giving this a stamp and sending it on its way!

Okay so on your first thing about the eclipse... I think i remember saying that she had stared at it for a while before the babysitter noticed. She didn't stop looking at it because she was so young and didn't know what was happening with her eyes so she continued to look where she had been looking further damaging her eyes. I can add that to the application if you would like....

As for the second one, I mentioned in an earlier comment about how she has a wonderful memory and could remember where a single item had been placed(Either it be furniture or her toothbrush). So as long as big things were not moved around she could find every thing she needed. She was able to recognizes other ponies by their voice and was also able to tell where they were standing at that time.

I understand about the clipping and will change it asap. Sorry... I'm kinda into grim-dark stuff if you couldn't tell.

I'll just tweak those things and wait for your reply~

[Rosewind]

Hello there Starstruck! You've got a lovely and complex character here. I know the first application is a long and frustrating process. A lot of that has to do with setting an understanding of what kind of roleplay World of Equestria is -- a facsimile of FiM. Our main idea is to prepare this character as if we would see her appear, for real, in an episode of the actual cartoon. We're also very finicky about introducing lore to a character. I'll give two examples from your application:

...there was to be an Eclipse. Something Princess Celestia had created in memory of her lost sister, knowing that her return maybe soon.

...had heard that Princess Celestia's prize student had gone to Ponyville to help with the Summer Sun Celebration and the Elements of Harmony had appeared.

The former concerns me more than the latter. Lore is important to the roleplay setting, but it must be the correct lore. We have no way of knowing what Celestia's intentions with Luna were, and to introduce that lore would require approval from Celestia's player. I know it's a big pain, but adding lore that doesn't really concern your character is discouraged. You'll need to remove it from this application. Instead, I suggest writing about an eclipse happening, though specifics about why are not necessary.

I'll need one more thing from you to get this application approved: the wing tying will have to go. The staff feel that this sort of behavior is cruel, and we discourage it because it does not fit into the setting of the roleplay. Instead, I encourage you to impress that her parents were protective of her, and took extra steps to watch her closely. Physically restraining her will not work. Please remove it from this application.

I understand this is a frustrating process, but it's very important to us to maintain the integrity and flavor of the Mane RP. Remember if it would not appear on the show, it should probably not appear on this application. My suggestion is detail, but not specifics. Specifics get the most scrutiny because we have to check them for accuracy, or if they will even work for the roleplay. For example "Robi can sing in high pitch." is much different than "Robi can morph his vocal cords using his magic and sing high pitched." The first example would not be a problem. The second example would draw attention, and need to undergo review, which draws out the approval process.

Once you've made the necessary fixes, we'll get you stamped and ready to play!

[Starstruck]

Hello and thank you for starting to finalize my application~ I believe i have changed everything you have requested to be changed and that it is agreeable to what the staff agrees to. i now get what you are trying to have and i understand that. Please keep up the good work and thank you again for looking at my Application~

[Rosewind]

Thank you for your understanding. I've noticed a player's first application for Mane RP is often the most difficult, because they have to change their creative vision into something that will fit in the canon of FiM -- exactly what Mane RP is.

I was reading your application, and noticed this bit you may have missed:

The star represented her speed in the sky and she now knew that her parents clippers wouldn't keep her on the ground for long. Her parents had been impressed that she had gotten her cutie mark and quickly found singing classes to hone the singing ability in order to drive her true dream out of her mind. It fortunately did not work, for she knew what they were trying to do to her.

Also, since you removed the bit about her wings getting tied down, I feel like you might replace that information with more about her personality. You've crafted a lovely back story for this character, what would she be like to meet in an episode of FiM? I noticed that she's taking residence in Ponyville as well, which is something we want to discourage because of overpopulation -- my apologies for not bringing it up when I was reviewing this application earlier. This is not to say you are unwelcome to create an RP or play in Ponyville, we just want to encourage players to see there are more places for their characters to reside in World of Equestria than just Ponyville.

You might pick a different location!

Thanks a bunchy!

[Starstruck]

Thank you for your understanding. I've noticed a player's first application for Mane RP is often the most difficult, because they have to change their creative vision into something that will fit in the canon of FiM -- exactly what Mane RP is.

I was reading your application, and noticed this bit you may have missed:

Also, since you removed the bit about her wings getting tied down, I feel like you might replace that information with more about her personality. You've crafted a lovely back story for this character, what would she be like to meet in an episode of FiM? I noticed that she's taking residence in Ponyville as well, which is something we want to discourage because of overpopulation -- my apologies for not bringing it up when I was reviewing this application earlier. This is not to say you are unwelcome to create an RP or play in Ponyville, we just want to encourage players to see there are more places for their characters to reside in World of Equestria than just Ponyville.

You might pick a different location!

Thanks a bunchy!

Thanks~ I've fixed that bit about the clipping i missed and I think I've solved the problem to her staying in Ponyville. That while she has a residence in Ponyville, she only comes back once a month to clean and pick up mail. Tell me what you think I quite like the idea of a traveling Bard~ so instead of picking one other location I chose all the other locations! looking forward to hearing from you!

[Rosewind]

Looks good, thank you!

[Starstruck]

No Problem~

[Rosewind]

One issue was recently brought to my attention. Fix this and this application will (finally) be ready to go. You referenced a Wonderbolt in your application named Surprise. However, we have another character in Mane RP named Surprise, which is a pegasus OC that Pinkie was designed after -- I'm not even sure if she's in the Wonderbolts. Regardless of her origin, you may not reference her in this application, both for consistency and because it would be very confusing. Please remove all instances of Surprise. It's okay if you want to say that Starstruck would like to meet the Wonderbolts one day, however avoid making any references or instances of her meeting them or knowing them.

Please reply once you have made the necessary changes so I can help your application along. Thank you very much!

[Starstruck]

Everything has been edited to you recommendations ~ Thanks for helping so much!

[RarityDash]

Okay. This app passes my final review... so:

[Rosewind]

[Starstruck]

Thank you guys so much for helping me!