Unicorn Black Sugar [Final]

[Chocoswirl]

Roleplay Type: Equestria RP

Name: Black Sugar

Sex: Female

Age: Mare

Species: Unicorn

Eye Color: A bright green

Coat Color: A very dark gray, but not yet dark enough to be black

Mane/Tail/Markings Color & Style: Black Sugar has a long and flowing pure white mane with some parts colored a baby blue color.

Physique: Black Sugar is sklnny for her age. She loses weight very easily. She also isn't too tall, and is fairly close to being somewhat short.

Cutie Mark: A light blue and pink striped candy in a wrapper

Origin/Residence: Black Sugar was born and raised in Manehattan.She currently lives there as well.

Occupation: Black Sugar has recently started up her own confectionery store. She is currently looking for shopworkers. (This is something I have in mind for the RP.)

Motivation: Black Sugar hopes to one day create the perfect trademark candy to sell in her shop, gaining her shop success, and giving ponies a candy they'll never forget. The candies she has set up for the shop keep her going, as she knows that if she made it this far enough to be able to make all of those, she can continue to search for the perfect recipe.

Likes: Any candy, food, and the approval of other ponies when they eat her candy. She also likes to experiment with ingredients. She also enjoys the company of others and having fun. What she likes most is experimenting with things other than candy, like strange plants and animals.

Dislikes: She doesn't like bitter foods, ponies who try and ruin her good mood, and anything too depressing.

Character Summary:

As a filly, Black Sugar grew up in the city of Manehattan. Her mother, White Nova, had always been fond of sweets. She often ate a piece of candy after every meal, and gave one to Black Sugar when she did something good. Her father was often always cracking jokes, and playing around. His name was Pinstripes. Her father was a story write and often wrote books to sell at the local bookstores nearby. Her mother worked as a doctor, and often helped out with other odd jobs around Manehattan. Black Sugar didn't have any siblings, but she did have many friends at school.

Black Sugar often ate the candy her mother gave her, which often amounted to a lot of candy, considering she never really did anything bad. She liked to watch the busy streets from her bedroom on the fourth floor. Her parents would often encourage her to play with her friends and go out, which Black Sugar loved to so. However, her mind was always full of thoughts of having her own shop as well. One day, she went up to the shop she loved visiting. It was a sweets shop that was owned by a close neighbor, Sweet Treat, the owner of the shop, loved having Sugar visit her. On that day, Black Sugar asked her what was one thing that customers liked most about a shop, and Sweet replied: "If there's one thing that makes your shop stand out, it's a trademark item!" This inspired Black Sugar to start a shop. She began learning about making candy, and Sweet taught her how.

A few weeks went by, and she began to see that less and less ponies began to show up at the shop. Black informed Sweet of this, and asked her about what would happen to the shop. Sweet then told Black that she was getting a bit old for the job, and that a new, younger, and lively pony would be perfect to run it. Also, Sweet explained that it would be hard for her to run the shop for a few more years, as she was beginning to get weaker. Sweet wasn't very young at the time. Black soon knew that she wanted her to take over the shop. Black Sugar rejected the offer, but Sweet continued to insist that she took over the shop until she had no other choice. She felt that even though she really wanted to own one, she felt that she wasn't yet ready, or worthy to own one yet, as she didn't expect to be offered to own one this early in life. Black Sugar would soon be the successor of Sweet Treat once she retired, and own the shop.

One day, during her studies on ingredients, Black decided she wanted to experiment with some ingredients and see if she could come up with a recipe all on her own, without any help. Late at night, when Sweet Treat closed up shop an went to bed, Black Sugar took her key that Sweet had given her to the shop, and sneaked quietly into the kitchen. There, she admired all of the ingredients that were used to make candy. Sweet had only really invited her into the kitchen when she was being given lessons on certain ingredients. She saw all kinds of candy, such as taffy, gumdrops, licorice, and more. She also saw different kinds of sugar, food coloring, and extracts of certain plants.

She then began to put all she learned about making candy into work and began to experiment. She mixed ingredients, molded, shaped, tasted, stretched, pulled, pounded, and did all she could, until the taste pleased her. She seasoned with more ingredients. She spent what seemed like hours in the kitchen, testing with different kinds of candy. Soon, sugar, coloring, powder, and other ingredients were all over the kitchen. After a while, she tasted the sweet substance with a similar consistency to taffy. She then began to chew on it, slowly taking in the flavor.

It was amazing! It was sweet, but still had a unique tang to it! It was taffy of some sort! She knew how to make taffy better than any other thing she learned, so it would have made sense that it would be taffy. She then wrote down the list of ingredients of what she used and the directions to make it as soon as possible before she forgot. Excitement pounded in her heart and she was so excited to tell everyone! She even forgot that she wasn’t supposed to be there at all. It was at that moment when she looked up after writing to see none other than Sweet Treat at the entrance to the kitchen.

Black Sugar was shocked, and apologized many times, ashamed that she had snuck into the kitchen, and completely ruined. She was on the verge of tears until she saw Sweet Treat smile at her. She told Black that nothing was wrong, and she was also proud of her. Black Sugar didn’t understand, but while in shock, Sweet took a look at the recipe. “I think you’ve found your first recipe to sell,” Sweet told her, and this made Black Sugar very happy. “Also, look!” Sweet told her, pointing her hoof towards her flank. Black took a look at her flank, and there it was. A blue and pink candy in a wrapper. She soon realized that her talent was making candy, and that running the shop would be her destiny. Black Sugar never felt more confident than ever. Black’s parents were proud as can be. White Nova said that she would be and everyday customer and would always look forward to the candy she would make once Black gained ownership of the shop. Black Sugar insisted that she got candy for free, though. Pinstripes joked about how he might even break the law to steal some candy from her shop, to which amused the three of them, and Sweet Treat. Her friends were also very excited about having one of their good friends own a candy shop soon. As time went by, and Sweet taught her more, Sweet Treat gave up ownership of the shop she had run for a long time, to the dark gray unicorn, Black Sugar. Sweet ended up moving away to Fillydelphia, but occasionally visits the newly relocated store, while Black’s parents still live in their house, a bit far away from Black’s home.

Black Sugar can be a workaholic most of the time. She feels that everything in her shop needs to be perfect if ponies are going to enjoy coming to it. She'll often miss a few hours of sleep to work on experiments with candy and organization. Even when her family and friends ask her to take a break, she'll disregard their words and overwork herself to the point of almost passing out. She does, however, try to slow down a bit, just enough to hear what they have to say and take a break once in a while.

In general, she is a kind pony, who is very lively, and polite. She loves to have a good laugh in a while, but is also refined and serious when she needs to be. She can get a bit defensive when talking to her good friends, however. She also highly dislikes being reminded of her failures in life, as it embarrasses her, and makes her feel like a failure. She is always open with others and likes making friends. She often finds it easy to avoid trouble, and loves sharing her candy with others. But, she will crack if she is pushed to the limit. When she cracks, she will often become a bit insane in the head. She will become cynical, sarcastic, and mocking towards others. She will also become utterly demented, dark, and sinister, often threatening others and even trying to experiment on others. When she has cracked, she can be found very terrifying and out of control in this state. She may often switch between her usual, kind self, to her cracked state without notice once triggered. However, this is only triggered when she is pushed to her absolute limits, and she will often only slightly remember what happened in that state. A nickname for this state of hers is “Cracked Sugar”. She may even show some of her dark side, and then completely switch to her regular state right after, as if nothing happened. Her limits are often pushed when ponies are constantly pestering her, and throwing certain insults at her. Mentioning a failed experiment of hers and constantly mocking her about it is a good way to make her crack. She doesn't like to reminded of times of complete failure, even if it was as a filly. The way that gets her like this the most is when you question her strange experiments(The ones with plants and animals), and show absolute dislike towards it. However, she will usually try to avoid these kinds of ponies, to keep this from happening often. It doesn't really happen often because of this, but there are some ponies out there like that, who tend to get on her nerves.Many ponies will often see this to be a completely other pony if they have gotten to know her, as it's nearly the exact opposite of her normal personality. The reason behind this personality change is that soon after she gained ownership of the shop, she began to experiment with other things, like strange plants. Soon, it became an obsession, and her parent tried to stop this. They questioned her about the joy of experimenting like this, and she got quite defensive. After having an intervention, she cracked, and became like that for a short while, accusing them that they thought experimenting like that would lead her to failure. They then had to convince her that this was not the case, and she soon began to settle down after a long talk. After this event, that behavior began to reoccur in her life once in a while, soon making its way as part of her personality itself, now being triggered by simply angering her in ways mentioned before, such as mentions of failure constantly and persistently insulting her. (She also speaks with a British accent.)

Cutie Mark-

[MagicaI]

Since no one has replied, I will make a first post.

For appearances, why not give her a black coat, blue eyes and pink hair? The cutie mark would suit better with those colors. The different highlights and white doesn't match well. Just a suggestion. I think it would look prettier. And maybe she could have long flat hair with curled ends? Same with the tail. It would be a little fluttershy-esque, but hopefully not too much!

[Chapien]

Hello and Good Morning!

I really enjoyed reading your application, but I do have a few questions.

A few weeks went by, and she began to see that less and less ponies began to show up at the shop. When she questioned about this, Lickety explained that if you need a shop to keep living on, you need to keep working hard at it. Black Sugar then realized where she was going with this. Black Sugar would take over the shop and make it her own. She rejected the offer, but Lickety Split continued on to insist, until she had no other choice. Lickety then told Black what she needed to run a shop, and continued this on.

I'm really confused as to what this paragraph is trying to tell me. Is Lickety offering her to take over the shop? Why? I'm afraid this paragraph may need a bit of a re-working... its just leaving me overall confused.

Your Cutie Mark story is really detailed! I'm not sure I have anything to point out in particular about it, other than one thing- you focused a lot of attention on that segment of the back-story, but the rest of it feels a bit lacking. Could you tell us more about her family maybe? Or maybe a bit more about her current life? Why did Lickety give up ownership of the shop? These are all questions to be considered. Whenever writing a back-story, it is a good idea to question everything you write; ask yourself why something is this way, or how, and so on.

Also her personality seems a bit... odd to me. In one paragraph you state that she can be very pushy about selling her candy, but in the next, you claim she is polite- this seems a bit contradictory, as pushyness is generally considered rude behavior. What exactly pushes her to her limit and causes her to "crack"? How often does it happen? How radical of a change is it, and why does it happen?

These of course are all just questions to consider. Your app is, overall, very good, and I look forward to Role-playing with your character sometime in the future!

[Chocoswirl]

Thanks for the feedback! I'll be sure to work on it some more!

[Chocoswirl]

Since no one has replied, I will make a first post.

For appearances, why not give her a black coat, blue eyes and pink hair? The cutie mark would suit better with those colors. The different highlights and white doesn't match well. Just a suggestion. I think it would look prettier. And maybe she could have long flat hair with curled ends? Same with the tail. It would be a little fluttershy-esque, but hopefully not too much!

I'll consider that. That sounds like a good idea, but i can't guarantee it!

[Chocoswirl]

I edited it, but I'm still looking for more feedback!

[Chapien]

Hello and Good Morning!

Wow, you really did consider my feedback! Great job, by the way. It really is a great back-story. However, as before, I do have a few questions I'd like to ask you.

Black Sugar rejected the offer, but Lickety continued to insist that she took over the shop until she had no other choice.

Earlier in your story, you mentioned that Black Sugar's dream was to own a candy shop; if this was the case, then why did she initially reject the offer? There are numerous reasons as to why she could have rejected it (nerves, for one), but it would be nice to know those reasons. It isn't anything really major, and to be fair you could probably do without this minor detail, but minor details like these really can and do flesh out characters!

Other than that, I sincerely enjoyed reading your application and look forward to Role-playing with you!

[Chocoswirl]

Hello and Good Morning!

Wow, you really did consider my feedback! Great job, by the way. It really is a great back-story. However, as before, I do have a few questions I'd like to ask you.

Earlier in your story, you mentioned that Black Sugar's dream was to own a candy shop; if this was the case, then why did she initially reject the offer? There are numerous reasons as to why she could have rejected it (nerves, for one), but it would be nice to know those reasons. It isn't anything really major, and to be fair you could probably do without this minor detail, but minor details like these really can and do flesh out characters!

Other than that, I sincerely enjoyed reading your application and look forward to Role-playing with you!

Ah! I forgot to add that she felt that even though she really wanted to own one, she felt that she wasn't yet ready, or worthy to own one yet, as she didn't expect to be offered to own one this early in life. She's sort of like a pre-teen-teen at this time. So like an older filly.

[Chapien]

Ah! I forgot to add that she felt that even though she really wanted to own one, she felt that she wasn't yet ready, or worthy to own one yet, as she didn't expect to be offered to own one this early in life. She's sort of like a pre-teen-teen at this time. So like an older filly.

Ah, okay! Great! Make sure to add that to the story, then!

[MyLittlePonyTales]

How is this Application coming along?

[Chocoswirl]

I'm nearly finished with it! :3

[Davroth]

Hi there, Chocoswirl

Just as a heads up, Lickety Split is the canon name of an actual background pony on the show, and can therefore not be referenced in an application. (I don't think you are referencing him, but it is a canon name).

[Chocoswirl]

Oh! I didn't know that! I'll change that ASAP! Thanks!

[Imagination]

In the name of Sugary Goodness, I stamp thee!

[Chocoswirl]

The world of sugar salutes thee!