Unicorn Limelight [Final]

[Noctriix]

I much appreciate you're understanding Rose, and I'm glad you find everything to be in order otherwise. I feel that Spotlight is complete in my mind, and that although you warned me about shoe-horning; I beleive that I've given myself a wide enough berth in regards to understanding his personality to actually effectively roleplay him. I do completely understand your concerns however, both you and Mojo's. In other words, I do beleive he is ready to be advanced for further review, as he doesn't have any form of "Disorder", if you are willing to place him in further judgement; I'd be ready to continue as well.

~Noct

[Rosewind]

Alrighty! If you feel he's all ready to go, I'll move him up for final review!

[RCTwilightSparkle]

Noctriix,

I'm sorry that there has been some confusion but we never allow multiple OCs in our mane RP to have the same name. Since the other Spotlight came first I'm going to need you to change the name of this character.

- Helix

[Noctriix]

Alright, I kind of had a feeling that this would pursue to be a problem. Even asking the original user who crated the first "spotlight" for permission. I guess I was given a little bit of false hope, no matter, I'll take it with a grain of salt, I've worked on him this much, I really want to finally have a character of my own here.

Ladies and Gentlepony, introducing the new master thespian of Equestria.

Limelight

[Noctriix]

His name has been changed, along with his entire applicationg rewritten as to make sure the name "Spotlight" appears not a single time. Hopefully that clears all possible problems!

[flutterscotch]

[Tenkan]

Why hasn't this application been accepted yet?

[RCTwilightSparkle]

Why hasn't this application been accepted yet?

apps are looked at in the order they're taken in by the RP helpers, everybody has to be patient and remember that the entire staff is either volunteers or spends money on this place to keep it running for you guys.

[SunsetSombra]

There's a notable issue I've come to identify with this application currently, and I feel like it should be brought to your attention at this time.

" However, he is also capable of modifying his voice, whether it is by accent, tone, pitch, or volume, as he is singing at the same time. He is capable of also sounding differently when singing to different ponies, as he is able to manipulate the hearing abilities of other ponies to make him sound as if he has the most incredible voice in all of Equestria. "

This infers that there is some element of bodily control inflicted on the receiving pony, and this isn't something we can really say is immediately allow for - basically, any implied magic that alters or changes how a pony perceives the world or acts on a scale such as this is something we tend to be wary of for the most part, even if said ability tends to leave the pony drained. It simply has an element that relies too much on assuming other players are okay with being 'rendered incapable' of their senses, rather than allowing for a more open ended choice.

Personally I would probably just simply leave out the signature spells altogether, as they do seem to assert too much control over other players in an RP situation, which isn't something Mane RP in it's current state is typically geared towards. There may be an overall opportunity to rework this application when further options are available to players { if and when situations apply } but right now we aim to keep a more equal field so that nobody feels they are being 'forced' into an RP situation they may not have otherwise wished to partake in.

[Noctriix]

If I was to remove the two signature spells would it be safe to say that this application is good to go?

[Noctriix]

^{I removed the Limelight Glare spell, as it was at it's very nature, A spell used to dominate others, however I edited the second spell, to make it that he has the ability to make it sound how HE wants it to sound, rather than any pony who happens to be listening. So in other words, he's no longer controlling over or dominating any other person.}

^{Hopefully that remedies your concern!}

^Noct

[Rosewind]

I am a little bit worried (read: a lot worried) about the magic power you're saying Limelight has, suggesting it surpasses Twilight's ability, which is a special case by itself. Is that new? If it is, I can tell you right now this application is not going to pass again.

I know you're quite frustrated and would love to see this character get approved soon, but it's also important to understand (as this is your first Mane RP application) that characters presented to the Mane roleplay are balanced -- besides very rare, special cases (like some of the Mane Six), this isn't a roleplay where a powerful character able to do incredible feats on a whim is welcome. I see you're giving Limelight some limitation with his self-voice manipulation (as that was the original concern), but any sort of super special spell or ability is going to get closely inspected and highly scrutinized for balance.

What can make Limelight interesting that doesn't involve something special or out of the norm? It's possible to make an interesting character without testing power balance, and this isn't a kind of roleplay where it's even necessary, really. Think FiM -- would you readily see this character on an actual episode of the cartoon?

That said, before this will be presented again, the super levitation is going to have to go, and the voice manipulation probably needs to be toned down, too. I would suggest removing any specific ability and being more general. (Example: Limelight is quite good with manipulating his voice, able to speak loudly and in different pitch and tones.) Thanks for your patience!

[Noctriix]

Fair enough, I can see where you're coming from with that. My reasoning with giving him his powers in that kind of fashion was that because he was given a lesser variety, they should be slightly more focused. Seeing that because he couldnt create magical barriers, cause mustaches to materialize out of nowhere, etc. like Twilight can, i figured it would be ok to make him stronger in just those 3 fields of magic. I.e. Manipulation, amplification, and levitation. However, changing that won't be a problem. However, no, it isn't a new addition, it's been there since day one

I also can very well see where you're coming from with the vocal manipulation issue. Correct me if i'm wrong, but I doubt that that is a very common power within Equestria already, so I can see where having him be a specialist with it could definantly prove worrisome. I think it should be fiar to Note that Spotlight is an actor, and that does in volve acting with his voice. Though, I think stating that would be sufficient in it's own right. I could possibly say that he has many different types of voices practiced, and that he could be considered an impressionist. Then, only leaving basic amplication magic to be the only kind of spell he'd actually have, rather than saying that he has a special power where he can change his voice however he pleases. Actually, the more I think about that, yes, that sounds like it should work perfectly fine (To me at least, correct me if I'm wrong).

In regards to the super levitation, that's not a problem, I can fix that in a jiffy.

Thank you very much for the review rosie!

[flutterscotch]

I think that he problem is that you are having your character specialize in 3 fields of magic. It seems like all unicorns have a degree of being able to lift things, fine. But it would take a pony whose special talent ITSELF is magic, or one whose special talent is, well, using magical telekinesis, to muster enough power to lift themselves off the ground. Lifting costumes, that's pretty standard. Lifting themselves...well, if that was a power that was common, why was only suspected animation error Lyra the only one we've seen in clouds dale, and why did Twilight have to perform a spell on herself that wasn't being performed the entire time she was there. After all, It was a spell to let unicorns walk on clouds, not a levitation spell. That kind of circumstantial evidence still makes me think that it's a hard spell at that.

I'd just stick to his voice mimicry power, which could encompass a type of amplification that allows him to be heard in the back rows of all theaters in Equestria. It seems like the most useful, and most HIM, and most fitting with his special talents.

[Noctriix]

I think most of the issues should be taken care of now Scotchy but thanks for the advice!

And trust me..... you could hear this guy from the other side of town if he tried hard enough

[Rosewind]

Okay -- an update! I was informed the self telekinesis has to go, and I think it will (finally) be okay for review.

[Noctriix]

So, no telekinesis in any way shape or form? Or just to not use it on myself?

[Rosewind]

So, no telekinesis in any way shape or form? Or just to not use it on myself?

Your character may not use TK on himself. Other objects are fine, within reason! The reason is that only one character in the canon of FiM has done it so far -- Pumpkin Cake -- and it was a rare fluke.

[Noctriix]

Alright, what I've changed so far:

• His coat no longer has an "Aura" In which it would almost have a magical sense to it, now it is only a light glimmer that is given off when he is under the harshest or most focused of light sources.
  
• His levitation powers have been modified, making him less powerful in that regard. I am not entirely sure where you guys are getting the "Self telekinesis" ability, I don't recall ever listing it, nor was I ever intending upon having him use it.
  
• Any instances where his name still was read as Spotlight have now been changed to the correct name; Limelight
  
• I added that he is also a trained dancer, this was a mistake that I never noticed from day one.
  

Currently on standby till more feedback is given

[Rosewind]

I think the self-levitation itself had to go, period, regardless of the source -- magical, telekinesis, or otherwise.

[Noctriix]

Not to be rude, but could you please highlight or quote the section you're talking about? I've truly no idea where this "Self Levitation" is being shown as a power ._.

[BrainedBySaucepans]

Okay, I feel I have to speak up on Noctriix' behalf here. I've read through this application twice now, and see no reference at all to any sort of "self-levitation" ability. Perhaps you're thinking of teleportation; it is mentioned that Limelight can teleport with "reasonable expertise". Other than that, the closest he comes to what you're claiming is the ability to lift heavy objects with his mind, and there's nothing implying that he himself is included in that category.¹

Other than that issue, I have to say I love this app,² and can only think of two changes I would make. The first would be to give him some weaknesses; you've shown what he's good at, but I personally like to see some weaknesses and flaws in a character, as it makes them more relate-able. As it stands, Limelight has gone straight from nothing to spectacular success. Although there is a bit of struggle alluded to, at no point do we actually see him fail; even the most successful and talented artists have had projects that simply haven't worked out.

The second change I would suggest is a stylistic one; your paragraphs are way too long.³ The rest of your writing style is pretty solid, but a lot of people get put off by big blocks of text. Regular paragraph breaks give the eye some rest, and without them, I find I get lost and sometimes end up skipping a line, or reading it twice.

I look forward to seeing how your character develops once this gets approved, and I hope you found my comments useful.⁴

Good luck!

--------

¹ Unless you're calling him fat, and that's just rude.

² Although his second "personality" reminds me a bit too much of myself in crisis management mode...

³ Especially the opening of the character summary. Ouch.

⁴ I'm new to this forum, so I don't know what the mods look for in a character application.⁵ I always try my best to give constructive criticism though.

⁵ And I'd really appreciate it if you could return the favour by giving my app a look.

[Noctriix]

Saucy: I can entirely see where you're coming from with the extremely long paragraph wording....... i do have that fault somethimes

In regards to teleporting, i am aware that this is something that most unicorns are able to do............. with limited success. In which they can only teleport to places they can see with their eyes at the point of starting the teleporting process. However, I am going off of the rules for "My little Pony: Roleplaying is Magic" just saying. Though, I figured it'd suit him well... as being a stage performer...... there are many cues one would have to make on and off stage, teleporting would help maneuvering backstage much easier. That's just how I figured it.

In terms of weaknessess, his amplification magic can severly drain him depending on the extent of him using it. I think I removed that segment when I deleted his two SIGNATURE spells, remind me to re add that later. He also has two other weaknessess... A lack of coffee and other caffienated hot beverages... (check the Dislikes section), and you can essentially cripple him if you would somehow damage or stain his trademark vest. That portion of his character was devised entirely from my love of the show "How I met your mother" I freaking love Barney Stinson..... True Story.

Your post made me feel very good about myself Sauce, I love the way you do your spoiler thing too..... it's EXTREMELY unique. Thank you for the review

-edit- There, I spaced up the summary paragraph and added in his problems with overusing his amplification magic, just for you!

[BrainedBySaucepans]

First time I've been called Saucy, I like it!

Thanks for breaking up the paragraphs; made it a lot easier to read.¹ The weakness you've given him doesn't quite seem to fit though; I don't personally think that amplifying a voice would drain a pony's magic that much.² However, I see a way of switching things round a bit that could potentially fix Rosewind's objection too:³ Instead of projection draining him, what if it was the teleportation? The way I see it, he'd be fine as long as he didn't do it too much, but if he tried a Twilight and started zipping around every couple of seconds he'd quickly pass out.

You could include it in his back-story: perhaps he overcommitted to a musical, agreeing to play several separate roles, but succumbed to the pressure and had to start teleporting around to get into position.⁴

Once again, good luck with the app. I'm glad to have had a positive impact on the self-image of a complete stranger; footnotes rule!⁵

--------

¹ In fact, I picked up a couple of things I'd accidentally skipped on my first couple of read-throughs. I'd somehow missed his vindictive side when dealing with people who badmouth him; I like it a lot, it's a perfectly understandable reaction, but could also be seen as a character flaw, all depending on how far he takes it. It's details like that which really fill out a character.

² Though you'd have to check with someone who has a better grasp on how magic works in the RP.

³ If I'm right about it being related to the teleportation.

⁴ I best stop before I start dictating your character to you...

⁵ The footnote thing started with my introduction post; I was sleep deprived and a huge section of it ended up as a rant about Schrodinger's Cat. It seemed massively off topic, so I shoved it into a footnote, along with the rest of my insomniac rambling. The next day, I looked at the post again, and decided I liked being able to go completely off topic without disrupting the flow of my posts, so I decided that I would include footnotes with everything. I started spoilering them so as to avoid annoying people, and I haven't had any complaints so it seems to have worked.

[Noctriix]

Actually, to be perfectly honest, when I was younger I starred in the show "Joeseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, in which I played 3 main roles at the exact same time. Joeseph's father, Potiphar, and the Pharoah. The latter being my favorite. I can actually 100% relate to that issue..... I'll include it if I feel like it ... BUT here's the thing. The reason I have his amplification as being the cause of his weakness if this. I am a singer, a radio host, and actor, public speaker, musician, etc. etc. I'm not sure as to how musical of a person you are, but in order to amplify your sound, you require extra Oxygen to do so.

LOTS. OF. OXYGEN...

So, whenever I designed his amplification magic, I did it in a sense that in order to use it, he was self consciously depraving himself of air. Which can cause a person to become winded, dizzy, or in some cases, black out. The amplification doesn't drain his own magic. It instead, drains his own natural energy. Granted, Limelight has a naturally loud voice, and doesn't always require his magic for small stages, but he is a pony that likes to give shows everyone can enjoy.......... including the poor ponies in the nosebleeders within the royal theatres of Canterlot. He himself doesn't teleport often enough to make it an absolute drain on himself, say, if he were to be rather slow and not have enough time to dash to the other side of the backstage after a costume change. Or having a difficult time climbing a ladder, stuff like that. He isn't the type to do acrobatics on Lilypads (In Twilight's case). He does it out of necessity, not for fun.