Unicorn Punky [Final]

[punky]

Roleplay Type:World of Equestria

Name: Punky

Sex: Female

Age: Mare

Species:Unicorn

Coat Color: Neon Green

Mane/Tail/Markings Color and Style: Green and purple mix. Somewhat bushy

Eye Color: Blue

Cutie Mark: V-necked guitar

Physique: She has a somewhat muscular body, but not overtly so.

Origin: Canterlot

Occupation: Musician

Motivation: She wants to go multi-platinum on a record.

Likes: loud music

Dislikes: smooth jazz. However she does like some classical music.

Character Summary: Punky's childhood wasn't too bad. Her parents were hipsters and encouraged her musically, so she took to the guitar at a young age. She got her first guitar from a relative, and her constant practicing on it earned her a cutie mark. When she saw it, she realized her dream. She was a somewhat average student and didn't have much trouble studying, so she'd often spend her spare time practicing the guitar and writing songs. She did a talent show in her late teen years, but failed to win. When she went to college, she decided to take a career in communications just in case she didn't make it in music. During her off time, she managed to acquire some friends who were also musically talented, and together they formed a band called Broken Rainbows. The name was suggested by their rhythm guitarist.

One month after the band was completely formed, Punky heard that there was a contest put out by a local radio station. The winning band would receive a record deal with Poof Records, a record company that was looking for new talent. There were 5 bands in the contest, but Broken Rainbows won by a very close margin. Even with that, they managed to get the record deal and their first record went gold. They've made two more albums since then

Punky does enjoy her fame, but she often feels that she's received too much attention. She does like her fans, but at times she just wants time to herself.

Punky is very kind to most ponies, as long as she receives kindness in return. She is not full of herself, because she knows there are others less fortunate than herself. In fact, she's actually given a good portion of ticket sales to charities. She can be a bit of a perfectionist, and has often had problems with her bandmates if the song doesn't come out just right. She's a bit disappointed that her sales haven't been that great, as she feels she gives her all to every record she and the band have made.

Edited July 31, 2012 by Diomedes

[MyLittlePonyTales]

How is this Application coming along?

[TasteTheRainbow]

I'd say there is much to be added! Such as her childhood. You mentioned her getting her cutie mark, but maybe there should be more to that story. How did she feel? Did her parents react oddly?

For you ponies Physique, you should put a little more. In that section, you would put something like,

"Somewhat taller than most other her age, and is rather skinny."

When you say she finished school quickly, what are you meaning? She was a genius and it went by like a breeze, or did she drop out?

And, on the record deal, you should explain much more. Even with the band, as well. Where did the band get the name idea? How hard was the competition? Who all competed? Was she nervous or scared? Also, I'd like to know where she found her band members!

For motivation, you should put something more like, "What makes me jump out of bed in the morning is..." Her goal of wanting to be a rockstar should be placed in the Occupation section, as her dream job.

You say sometimes she just wants relax, and not be noticed. When walking around Ponyville, having fans go after her, how does she feel? Maybe trapped?

And for Likes and Dislikes, they are hard for me, too. I can never really come up with too much. Just try being creative. There are so many things you could like or dislike. Like, shy ponies, foals, enemies, friends, animals, crowded spots, etc. Those are just I couple I came up with. Its really easy, though. So, once you get creativity coming, don't get to out of box! Like, if she disliked Alicorns, but everypony still liked her. That probably wouldn't be true, because a lot of ponies love their Princesses, and they probably won't like you too much.

Well, that's all I really have to say for now. Keep improving~

[WhiteSlash]

Coming from another Punk OC, Its great to see more! Though what Tastetherainbow said is completely correct. Alot could be done to flesh out the application and I think she covered just about all of it though. With the punk background, likes and dislikes can be simpler. Such as loud music? Deffinite like. People acting better than others? Deffinite dislike XD

Improve on the areas highlighted and you'll have a great app! XD

[punky]

Physique: "Somewhat taller than most other her age, and is rather skinny.

Improved History: Punky was actually a pretty above average student. But in her spare time, she'd practice her guitar playing and write songs. This got other students interested, and they formed a band. The lead guitarist gave them their name. She was a rather Gothic pony, and had a rather dismal personality, with her music being her only outlet. The others thought Broken Rainbows sounded good, so it stuck. A battle of the bands was announced, and Broken Rainbows won in the final round. The prize was a record deal.

Improved Motivation: She wants to go multi-platinum on a CD.

Likes: Loud music

Improved Personality:She enjoys being a star, but at times she wishes she wasn't so famous. She sometimes wants to walk around and not be noticed. But at the same time, she will be nice to her fans. She likes to spend time by herself, because it seems she writes songs best alone, at least as far as lyrics are concerned. The rest of the song is usually done as a collaborative effort.

Note: I decided not to come up with names for her bandmates, in case someone wants to join in on my RP.

[MyLittlePonyTales]

Any progress on this Application?

[punky]

Actually, I just added new edits and I think it's ready. Do you like it? Can I play?

[MyLittlePonyTales]

Please remove all colors from your Application. Also, only what you have in your first post counts towards your Application. Nothing in the comments will be taken into account.

In addition, an RP Helper will not critique your Application while it is marked [WIP]. You are also only allowed one [WIP] and one [Final] Application in the Applications section. I suggest you fix this as soon as possible, since you have two Applications up.

[punky]

I'll post my final copy of this profile tomorrow as a separate thread.

Also, how many characters are you allowed to use? And how do I find out which characters from the cartoon are available?

[MyLittlePonyTales]

I'll post my final copy of this profile tomorrow as a separate thread.

Please don't. You should always edit your originally Application for your character.

Also, how many characters are you allowed to use? And how do I find out which characters from the cartoon are available?

There is no limit to the amount of OC characters you can have, however, you may only have one [WIP] and one [Final] character in the Applications section at a time.

As for canon characters, first I suggest checking out the overall rules, then the Cast Character Rules.

[punky]

Roleplay Type:World of Equestria

Name: Punky

Sex: Female

Age: Mare

Species:Unicorn

Coat Color: Neon Green

Mane/Tail/Markings Color and Style: Green and purple mix. Somewhat bushy

Eye Color: Blue

Cutie Mark: V-necked guitar

Physique: Somewhat taller than most other her age, and is rather skinny.

Origin: Canterlot

Occupation: Musician

Motivation: She wants to go multi-platinum on a CD.

Likes: Loud Music

Dislikes (optional)

Character Summary: Punky was actually a pretty above average student. But in her spare time, she'd practice her guitar playing and write songs. This got other students interested, and they formed a band. The lead guitarist gave them their name. She was a rather Gothic pony, and had a rather dismal personality, with her music being her only outlet. The others thought Broken Rainbows sounded good, so it stuck. A battle of the bands was announced, and Broken Rainbows won in the final round. The prize was a record deal.

She enjoys being a star, but at times she wishes she wasn't so famous. She sometimes wants to walk around and not be noticed. But at the same time, she will be nice to her fans. She likes to spend time by herself, because it seems she writes songs best alone, at least as far as lyrics are concerned. The rest of the song is usually done as a collaborative effort..

Personality:She enjoys being a star, but at times she wishes she wasn't so famous. She sometimes wants to walk around and not be noticed. But at the same time, she will be nice to her fans. She likes to spend time by herself, because it seems she writes songs best alone, at least as far as lyrics are concerned. The rest of the song is usually done as a collaborative effort.

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[MyLittlePonyTales]

Remember to edit the first post of your Application. Anything in the comments WILL NOT be considered when critiquing the Application.

[punky]

Ok, original post is now edited.

[MyLittlePonyTales]

You're only allowed one [Final] and one [WIP] Application in the Applications section. Please mark one character as [WIP]. Neither app will be assessed by a staff member until then.

[AlisonRose]

Hello there Punky!

I see that you have a nice start to an app here but there are a few things that seem to have gone wrong in this app.

First: There are no CDs in equestira, there are however records (as per DJ-Pon3 and other references)

Second: The information about the character is...lacking, if you could go and look at your character in your own mind or something and write down their experiences that they have had in equestria as a foal or adult that would help improve the way the character feels. Also, as a side note to this: being a musician is fine for an occupation but most ponies will think on the side of Octavia or Fiddlesticks who are what is refereed to as a classical musician, so I would offer that you change the occupation to Guitarist or something of that sort.

Third: I understand that this app is an on-going process until it fits the criteria of the RP Helpstaff working with you on it (That would be myself) so please send me a PM should you have questions about what can be changed on the app and such.

[CherryRie]

YAY! Review time! While I'm not the best person to help (thats why we have awsome RP helpstaff on hoof ) I'll give it my best and hopefuly contribute something to the character development!

Okay, lets start out by braking down what you've got so far and work from there.

Roleplay Type:World of Equestria

Name: Punky

Sex: Female

Age: Mare

Species:Unicorn

Coat Color: Neon Green

Mane/Tail/Markings Color and Style: Green and purple mix. Somewhat bushy

Eye Color: Blue

Cutie Mark: V-necked guitar

Physique: "Somewhat taller than most other her age, and is rather skinny.

Origin: Canterlot

Occupation: Musician

All pudy standard stuff in here, though I’m confused as to why you copy-pasted Rainbow’s suggestion.

The real issues come into play during the Character summery. Presently it reads more like a eulogy then a biography, all built points and soulless monologue.

All ponies strive, and we need to show how this particular character is driven.

Punky was actually a pretty above average student.

Are we saying she’s intelligent? What’s the impact of her forming a band? Are there those that feels she’s wasting her talents? Could a sense of rebellion be the original source of her foray into musical composition? An opportunity to advance our understanding of the character’s drives is being passed up on.

But in her spare time, she'd practice her guitar playing and write songs.

Did she come from a background where instoments would be just laying around the house? Come to think of it, what were he parents like?

Perhapse they didn’t encourage her, or maybe didn’t approve of such ‘brash’ instruments. Or what if they were total hippies, feeling that the rest of her education was irrelevant when she could produce such groovy tunes? Never the less, what I’m trying to convey here is ‘was it a special moment when she got her first guitar? Where did her first real six string come from and how did it change her life?

This got other students interested, and they formed a band.

Big moment here and its kinda been reduced to a single sentence. These are ponies thrown together by a single point of reference (in this case music), all of whom would have their own personalities and ambitions. Have things always been rosy between the band? What’s her relationship like with the other members? Do they take the ‘to become famous’ goal as seriously as her as they grew up?

The lead guitarist gave them their name. She was a rather Gothic pony, and had a rather dismal personality, with her music being her only outlet. The others thought Broken Rainbows sounded good, so it stuck.

Who’s this lead guitarist? Will it be another player, or just an NPC supporting Punky?

A battle of the bands was announced, and Broken Rainbows won in the final round. The prize was a record deal.

Was this battle of the bands at school? That’s what it sounds like anyway, though I doubt the record deal was something a school could afford. A record deal doesn’t sound like a star prise for a contest, unless it was huge and all the bands taking part already established and well known (in which case, how did they get to that sort of stardom in between times?). However, what could be a good prise is a one of contract to produce an album, or perhaps a free day at a professional recording studio. Here could be the ‘place where it all started’, the spark that ignited her true passion for music, revealed her cutie mark or showed her how she wanted to spend her life.

To summarise; How did this moment change her life? What makes it important to her as a character?

She enjoys being a star, but at times she wishes she wasn't so famous. She sometimes wants to walk around and not be noticed. But at the same time, she will be nice to her fans. She likes to spend time by herself, because it seems she writes songs best alone, at least as far as lyrics are concerned. The rest of the song is usually done as a collaborative effort.

We’ve gone straight from ‘band with school friends’ to ‘super stardom’ with little to nothing in-between. But here you use a key phrase; ‘She sometimes wants to walk around and not be noticed’. Is her fame getting to her? Could it be that she made a mistake in joining the band? These are questions that might be bubbling over in her little mind, worrying thoughts that while untrue can sow the seeds of self doubt.

All in all, what you have so far is a lattice, a basic idea of what you want this character to be that is awaiting the real meat to her personality. Remember, though you might be sure of what kind of pony she is, other players are ignorant of her personality, having only glimpsed it through this application.

Sadly I don’t know all the rules and regs, and to be honest I’m not the best one to ask about how to proceed next.

What you really need to do is absorb all the tips everyone has given you so far, step back and look at your app as though you’ve never read it before in your life. What would you think about this pony?

Once you’ve made any changes you think are nessery, poke one of the RP helpstaff over PM like you have asked me and get them to walk through the new additions you’ve made. Getting a fresh opinion is always a great idea as the more eyes you have looking over your work the greater the final product will be

Good luck hun, I look forward to seeing Punky in the RP threads!

(Coppied from PM convosation. Thought I may as well add this here given you've already replied Rosy )

[AlisonRose]

Well based on what Cherry said: Take her word for it, she knows more then she is letting on XD

She brings up great points and great ideas to help you out.

Just be sure to not Copy/paste what she says into your app and make it into your own words.

[MyLittlePonyTales]

How is this Application coming along?

[punky]

Just sent it into a helper. Waiting for a response.

[MyLittlePonyTales]

You don't need to send it to any of the staff. Just comment when the Application has been updated. PMing someone isn't going to make your Application get approved faster.

[Rosewind]

Hi Punky! I'd like to give you a few suggestions on how you may improve this character, so she will be ready for final application approval! I promise it will be fun!

1. What kind of pony would she be like to interact with? Full of herself? Kind? Shy off stage but outgoing during a Broken Rainbows show? Try to describe more about what she's like to interact with, not just the things she's done.

2. Are there times when Punky hasn't had a very good life? I'm sure she might have had some failures before joining up with a successful band. How can you work that into her experience and personality?

3. Are there any things she likes to do, or really dislikes? Does she have any other aspirations besides playing music? Maybe a goal or flaw of some kind to make her a bit more interesting?

Try to think about how you can make your character more interesting and fun to play with, and add those ideas to this application. I know it sounds overwhelming, but I think this application looks really good already; it just needs that little something extra to push it up to final approval status. Good luck!

[AlisonRose]

As per we only need one RP Helper per app I will be backing out and leaving you in the hands of Rosewind who is very skilled at fixing things like this.

Good luck on the App!

[Rosewind]

I don't bite!

Hard.

[punky]

made the changes you suggested. Thanks for the help.

[Rosewind]

Looks good! I'm a little worried about the fact you said she's into "communications," but that is pretty open-ended. Remember that advanced technology doesn't really exist in Equestria, such as internet and phones (hence Celestia gets her letters magically!), so I'll assume Punky studied the Equestrian version of communications that is not technologically advanced as our own.

You've worked quite hard on this application. I love the added information to her back story -- as well as the information about her early career and band. I see you added what kind of pony she'd be like to meet.

I see no further reason not to present this application for final review! If everything checks out, it will be stamped for approval!

If it still needs a little more work, I will let you know as soon as I can, so keep checking back to this thread.