FermataTheBasse

Oh dang I just failed right there. Also, tilde much~?

Whoo, long one. I'm going to ignore awkward wording and grammar and such because that exists in all writing ever. First bit of cognitive dissonance I suffered while reading, the collapse in Luna and Tia's relationship seems way to abrupt and shallow. You could definitely stand to flesh that out more. More meetings between the sisters over a period of time before Luna's attempt at a secession. Second, Luna's decree is too well received. I think everypony would be at least a little freaked out by the radical ideas, especially Twilight. But I don't know, we probably read the characters different. I think this one could slide on that count... And from there I realized that the basic problem here was pacing. You're trying to say too much too fast. The idea of human politics in Equestria is a neat one that I don't think has actually been done before, but you're running roughshod over characterization because you're moving the plot forward too fast, turning the characters into vehicles for exposition. Allow me to quite Rarity here: "It's all too sudden." The idea's really something though. I think it could go over very well in FiMFiction and the like if you just take more time and add more 'moments' if you will. The story could easily be an epic length one with the ideas involved, and it really should be. That's what I have to say.

You didn't explicitly ask for feedback on the story so I'm not going to say anything specific on that count. I'd recommend you continue with Spike's Day Off, add more to the chapters you've already got up since they're kind of sparse. You could consider uploading it to FiMFiction after you put some more work into it. As for a collab work I would err against that for the moment since we don't know one another. Perhaps we should talk for a bit first? I don't even have many writing examples of my own to put up, the only one being this: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/23117/Love-at-Dawn. Don't feel obliged, it's just a casual offer. I like how clopfic is winning, incidentally. I'm going to strongly recommend against writing a clopfic, but that's your call.

You have The Hub? Lucky... Welcome to teh rpz, my man!

Uh... do you have a link to where all this stuff is? I can't find it. Before I say anything else I'd like to actually see your writing.

Let me take a crack at it... The structure seems... off. The segment you've got, if that's your opening paragraph, seems to be too much information condensed into too little of a space. Some more description would be nice, of the ponies especially since they're OC and the landscape. Spread out the exposition on the characters and flesh them out more fully with introduction. Also, dialogue is normally split off into a new paragraph each time you change character speaking. And changing location would also call for a paragraph break. My opinion? You haven't actually shown enough for an opinion to be made. It would be nice if you said where you were going with this.

Bronies. Seriously, has anypony really put thought into MLP jokes? I haven't seen anything like that around. Do we have our own dedicated comedians already?

I guess it's because it doesn't really involve the characters everyone knows and loves, so to say? It was a history episode, so no matter how well done I think it would feel 'not quite epic enough' for most. It was good, however.

^ Underrated? I was moved to some pity at Twilight's lowest point during A Canterlot Wedding, when pretty much everypony was upset with her. But I'm an unfeeling rock otherwise.

This is what Hasbro needs before it could consider greenlighting an actual movie. As I said, there isn't enough draw at the moment.

I'm trying to limit the size of my description, the character making guide recommended keeping it on the shorter side if at all possible. Thus I'm refraining from typing out the explanation for her move to Canterlot, unless it's needed for a pass. But the bit about the health problems would be something I should expand on. Thanks Lux!

Is that a direction Hasbro would want to take? They've already got 'slavers' in the form of the Dogs, who were probably one-shot villains anyways. I'm not saying it's a bad idea, just thinking about the actual chances here.

^ and ^x2 If they're just regular salesponies with some ounce of greed, then Diamond Tiara's just any regular child bully, Gilda's just any regular normally aged bully, Trixie's just any normal magician with a big ego/bully... But as for me, Diamond Tiara. Love the design, and she's got room to grow as a character (which she probably never will but I can dream).

There simply isn't a large enough mainstream audience for a bigscreen release at the moment. I could see a TV movie with some new characters thrown in, to create a new market for merch. That, if anything, would get Hasbro's approval.

Roleplay Type: World of Equestria Name: 'Penumbra' Dewdrop Sex: Female Age: Mare Species: Pegasus Eye Color: A very dark purple, almost blending into her pupil. Coat Color: A dark blue, or cobalt. Mane/Tail/Markings Color & Style: Her hairs are all a dirty gray color. Neck-length mane and tail, both unkempt and tussled as if Penumbra just got out of bed. They're both also badly cut and fraying at the edges, so overall Penumbra looks like a very messy mare. Physique: Adding to her messy and disheveled look, Penumbra is somewhat underweight and thin. Her legs and wings are both lanky, and at spots she's nothing but skin and bones. Finally, her eyes are graced by dark spots. Cutie Mark: A dark cloud partially blocking out a crescent moon. Origin/Residence: Born in Cloudsdale, currently works in Canterlot. Occupation: A weather pony who specializes in working at the dead hours of night. Motivation: Penumbra is ambitious: driven in equal parts by the desire to find some absolution in her 'incomplete' life and partly by need to cover up her past embarrassments and mistakes. Above all, she seeks some way to rectify her strange Circadian rhythms or at least integrate them into more workable conditions. Likes: The rare occasion for a good rest, acknowledgment from other ponies, and achievement. Dislikes: The all too common feeling of exhaustion, teasing no matter how light, situations that demand her undeveloped patience, and failure- especially when others are involved in any way. Character Summary: 'Penumbra' was born Dewdrop to her parents, both esteemed weather ponies working in the Ponyville skies though their home was in Cloudsdale. This meant her parents weren't home in unison often; either her mother or her father would be present while the other worked. Dewdrop wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed nor was she an intellectual sack of rocks; she was a healthy and average foal in school with a slight hyperactive streak. The problems arose because her parents didn't have the time and energy to guide her properly, meaning Dewdrop was behind her peers in learning several important bits of common sense: the importance of patience, tolerance, and so on. Her hyperactive nature also meant that lessons weren't easily imparted on her anyways, so she quickly adopted a set of unpleasant habits: shortness of temper, forgetfulness, and so on. Dewdrop was by no means a social pariah, but she wasn't Miss Popular by a long shot. She only cleaned up her act at a later age, but by that time she already had ingrained many of her flaws into her personality. But she also had a strong sense of pride, and she was humiliated with herself for her poor treatment of her friends before. Dewdrop swore to work overtime to be a better friend, and to catch up on all the things she had missed due to her own lack of attentiveness: life lessons, games, dances, and so on. But she no sooner made this vow than when a very strange thing began to occur to her. Her sleeping schedule began to deviate from the norm around the time she matured into a filly, first in small bits but eventually to the point where she was constantly dozing off in class and needed one of her parents to prepare her meals in the dead of night. 'Penumbra', as she was soon known due to her nocturnal behavior, had lost on the chance to improve herself just as soon as it had come, simply because she no longer had the energy at the appropriate times. Doctors were summoned, but the best they could determine was that this sleep cycle was somehow a natural consequence of her aging. Without a cure, Penumbra's life was turned upside-down. She drifted from most of her friends and remained in the dark about many things in life. Her parents, realizing that their daughter needed all the help she could get, quite their Ponyville jobs and took closer jobs so that they could get their filly through the tough spot in her life. Penumbra was hard to console however, and she was for some time depressed and lonely. Her reversal of fortune at last came on the day she aquired her cutie mark. Penumbra was brooding in her room as she usually did, sudying in the dead of night as she now had to study at home due to her sleep cycles. Her mother was outside dealing with a scheduled movement of rain clouds. Her mother was having difficulty, and Penumbra knew that night operations were always hard for most pegasus. Eventually, some inkling simply seized hold of her, and she flew out to help her mother. It turned out that Penumbra's strange sleep cycle gave her the energy and adapted vision to have a far easier time of the job than her own mother. Then her cutie mark appeared. For Penumbra this was an important morale boost. She realized that she could work and better herself in spite of her strange condition. So she forced discipline on herself, and rejoined society at day in spite of how hard it was on her own body. It was hard going, but Penumbra manged it. In spite of her willpower however, her lack of sleep has affected her personality and health. She is prone to outbursts of temper and lack of attentiveness, ironically enough considering her quest to rid herself of those exact traits. Her appearance is very worn, and at her worst Penumbra can start suffering from the symptoms of sleep deprivation: distortion of personality, hallucinations, and so on. One mare that Penumbra looks up to above all others would be the Princess of the Night herself, Luna. Penumbra thinks that the two have some things in common, as both were at least somewhat out of place in society, and both have odd sleeping habits. So when Penumbra was offered a position on the Canterlot weather team she agreed, saying farewell to her parents. She hopes a fresh start will give her the opportunity she needs to grow. Etc: I have no photos of stuff, forgive me.

Short and efficient, my hypocritical favorite. Welcome to the herd, my man! Quick question, what do you mean when you say you became a fan of the series through 'mainstream'? In spite of what we all wish in our heart of hearts, My Little Pony's still a joke in the mainstream. Unless that is how you got exposed?

Hah, alright! Thank you very much!

I had a character approved, but I never started anything with her. I can vaguely remember who she was and could track her down if she's still in the profile archive. My question is, do I need to use that approved character for now? Or would it be alright for me to just make a new one since it's been so long?

I thought that was just a guideline, not an actual thing.

Thanks for the welcomes, guys! Anyways, it looks like I can post in other threads. Which I already have, but still.

The Tv Tropes forums. Don't go, it's a trap. And I dunno about the debate, it seems like it could go either way. 'Las' was the word on one hand, but Los Angeles really makes more sense on the other. And on the third hand, Equestria doesn't even look like America, so who knows? Las Vegas could be on the coast in Equestria. Incidentally, I can make posts now in non-introduction threads legally now, right?

-Looks up- -Realizes its 'Las', not 'Los'- ARGH But thanks for the welcomes guys!

Yo, Eight Star! Didn't expect to see you here man (it's Bassetete from TV Tropes, if you were unsure). Guess we both heard about the site at roughly the same time?

Ooh, that's a simply atrocious pun. I'll continue on with the assumption that I don't already have a mark against me for that: So I'm a brony introduced by a friend who is also a brony who attends events in the area known in Equestria as Los Pegasus (I was pleased when they made a parallel for what I hope is LA in canon, unless that's Los Alamos or something, in which case the reference to nuclear testing isn't exactly a fun one). I don't do much as of yet, I'm hoping to start some manner of vocal work within the fandom, but at the very least I know I'm an avid roleplayer who's been occupied as such for nearly ten years now. My chosen name reflects my interest in music, and allowed me to make the terrible pun you see there in the thread title. Came to the site by looking up roleplays for My Little Pony, while I am a member of some and run one on TV Tropes (I'm there solely as a roleplayer, I'm otherwise apathetic towards the site) I needed more for my pony fix. And to conclude, drop the basse. Ooh, that was even worse.