Babbling about stuff that is bugging me

[BlindJester]

Just feeling like venting a little so yea. . .

I feel ignored not by just people on online communities who I thought were my friends but by the people in my life too. It's like whatever I say just falls on deaf ears, so to speak, and it's really just getting to me. I don't have much of a social life due to some personal issues so I don't go to many place and don't have any real close friends since I moved away from Georgia. I'm just lonely and I just wish I had someone to talk to. Like someone I know who cares about me and what I feel instead of just using me to get what they want. Used as in getting money from me and other stuff.(I'm very generous) So yea just ranting a little bit don't want to be to much of a bother so I'm just gonna stop here.

Have a good day

[Dubstep]

*hugs* We all have times like that =3 I'm a good sounding board myself

[BlindJester]

-hugs back- Thankies for the hug.

A good soundin' board huh?

[holypony20]

*gives a pony hug* Its ok this community is pretty good we will listen to you. Ponies always look out for other ponies.

[MrAnthology]

I'm similar to you, PaintedWings. Any form of group or community is intimidating to me, both online and offline. I have some sort of expectation - or fear - that I'm going to make myself look like an idiot in front of everybody... And I stay away from most social interactions because of that. Even my closest friends sort of ignore me at times. I really only have like 2 or 3 friends that actually care about me.

This fandom is different, though. Mostly everybody involved is nice, kind-hearted, or generous. It's certainly different than, say, the furry fandom; sure, they look like a friendly bunch, but really, the communities are filled with arrogance and generally just really weird people, for the most part.

In short, life's sometimes not fair; you just have to make good of what you have, and you'll be fine.

[BlindJester]

D'aw thankies everypony.

You ponies are the best

[Manestream]

Like someone I know who cares about me and what I feel instead of just using me to get what they want. Used as in getting money from me and other stuff.(I'm very generous)

I've been a rather generous pony all my life; giving lots of my time and heart to most anypony; forgiving those that have made some serious transgressions against me, and caring an awful lot about how other ponies feel. By being this way i've invited a lot of guilt and stress into my life that really weren't rightfully mine to experience; it made me a rather popular person to befriend, but I felt I was very often overlooked in most of my relationships. I never really considered myself a selfish person, but I did have a strong desire for people to make at least an effort towards me when I have constantly worked so hard to be mindful of their feelings and wishes.

I suppose the best way to describe it is that i'm very empathetic, and not really by choice. I just can't help but imagine myself in other people's hooves, I see people hurt and it breaks my heart- and when my heart would break it would seem like no-one would notice. After many many years of this, I finally couldn't take it anymore (going into teaching is what did it- i've never been so under appreciated and over criticized in my life).

I started to voice my opinions, even though they sounded selfish to me. I promised myself next time I wouldn't hold my opinion or voice just to make it easy on everyone else. I promised myself I wouldn't go do that thing I didnt want to do for someone else, unless they had done something for me (or had they impression they would. Everyone got a few free chances). I toughened up, learned to not care about trying so hard to make everypony happy; and focused on just treating the people who deserved it through their actions with the deep level of affection and care I felt for everyone. If someone lost that respect in my eyes, I had to bite my tongue and force myself to turn away from them- I couldn't help them until they first helped themselves. This was true about a great many of my 'friends'. Once I was no longer free money, free lunch, free labor, free car rides, or whatever it came down to, a great many people stopped heckling me to do more for them. I saw some of my friends who had relied on me for years finally tune up their bike, and ride it to the store instead of asking me to take them. It was hard to admit it, but I had a lot of friends who asked and never gave back to me- and once I'd made it clear that I wasn't going to be taken advantage of any longer, my life got a lot simpler, and I was a lot happier.

I was lonely, sometimes, but the friends I did keep meeting with were real quality people. Every now and then I still get a phone call or a text from a girlfriend or old roomate I havn't talked to in years, asking for help in some sort of way. Instead of saying yes, I text them back reminding them that the last time I heard from them was when they needed help, and that we havn't spoken since, and how rude it is for them to only talk to me when they need my help. Surprisingly, people don't consider me a '*****' like I thought they would, (at least, they dont say it to my face), and I have earned a lot of respect from my closest friends.

I'm not sure it was the right choice, or the best choice, but it definitely made me a happier person.

As far as meeting new friends... I guess you gotta put yourself out there. One night after my first GLBT meeting after several months (the leadership had changed drastically in that time), I was about to walk home when the new group leader stopped me and asked me if I wanted to go out for a cup of coffee. It was about 11pm at night, and I had to be up early the next morning, but I gave it a shot anyway. We hit it off and spent the night over coacoa and coffee at the local shops (which were open pretty much all night) he talked about his husband, and I talked about my girlfriend. He was gay for another boy, and I was gay for another girl, but as backwards as that was, we had a lot in common because of it. We had a lot of fun together; and he ended up being one of my closest friends until I moved away, (and he still is, and he still needs to give me back the books I lent him).

The point is, if I hadnt have been open that I was a lesbian, and gone to the meeting in the first place, I never would have met him. It gave us something genuine to talk about, and work from, and a nice platform of intimate honesty to develop a real relationship over.

Maybe none of this has been helpful, but I just felt compelled to share, as I feel in some ways I've been standing in your shoes before.

[Kalpira]

I know how you feel, sweetheart. I felt that way all my life, and yet I don't have any good friends around. Believe it or not, some of my best friends are on the internet, chatting with me. My boyfriend is my best friend, and he was the one who helped me being more cheerful.

But I know the feeling of giving everything you have to make others happy and then just get rear kicks. Don't worry, we're all here for you ^^ *pony hug*

[BlindJester]

@ManeStream your story means so much to me. It really does just reading it makes me feel like you read my mind and thoughts pretty much. I mean its so close to how life has been for me I was close to tears(Don't like to cry in public). If I was home chances are I would of start crying how similar our stories are and that I'm not alone dealing with all this nonsense. I have problems like anxiety and such so I'm to scared to leave my house(I'm now being homeschooled because of my anxiety and depression) or my mom for a long period of time(She's really sick and me being mentally sick just makes her sicker and then I get sicker and it's a huge circle) anyway I'll try to be more open and do more activities as much as it scares the bejezus out of me. Your story was very touching and helpful and I'll remember it and try to learn from it. Because let's face it I'm to young to have all this unwanted and not need stress on me. Thanks so much for sharing

@Kalpira yea most of the friends I have managed to find and keep are online also. Which is about 5 or so one of which is my boyfriend who lives in another country but he's my best friend also who helps me when I'm just about ready to give up. I hope I can raise the number of friends I have online thanks to these forums -pony hugs back-

Thanks Everypony.

[MyLittlePonyTales]

No one is ever alone. You might feel that way, but you're not. Ever. There's always someone out there who loves you. Heck, there might even be someone who admires you, who wants to be LIKE you. Someone you might not even know, someone you might not even expect. I know I've been on the admiring side, and people just have no idea who is watching them.

Don't be afraid to talk about problems and emotions. It helps. And if you can't talk, write. Keep a Journal, and whenever you're feeling down, or bad, or even anxious-write it out. I am awful at talking about feelings, emotions, problems...and writing has been an excellent alternative. It's not the same as talking to someone, but it still helps. It has seriously helped me solve at least one problem in my life. It's an outlet that doesn't have to be shared, but can be if it's the right time.

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."

- Psalm 46:1

[BlindJester]

Wow, Tales thanks for the advice! I used to keep a journal but then I lost it so I never wanted to do it again in fears of me losing it again, but I think it's about time I start doing one again. Thankies again and thanks for that quote it's very powerful.

[flutterscotch]

By being this way i've invited a lot of guilt and stress into my life that really weren't rightfully mine to experience; it made me a rather popular person to befriend, but I felt I was very often overlooked in most of my relationships.

Pretty much.

I was the person who every year put vast amounts of thought into people's Christmas and Birthday presents. Planned elaborate parties for them, shopped for them year-round to find the perfect gift for them (to the point that I have labeled bins for the people that I love in my closet, because what if I find their perfect gift in May? . I've done this countlessly for people who totally even forgot it was my birthday at ALL after awhile, who don't call. I am apparently wired to make excuses for other people's sociopathic behavior by putting myself in their shoes and assuming they just had a bad day. Until it becomes quite clear that they are taking me completely for granted, and after several gentle reminders that I am not a) their property or their boyfriend/girlfriend/other family member or c) their constant "yes man", i just kind of snap, and just matter-of factly call people out on their ****.

It seems par for the course since I move to Boston, and I find it completely inexplicable, sometimes. Some of it can be attributed to the kinds of things I like and tend to have in common with other people (let's face it, you either meet really awesome and fun people who are obsessed with fun toys and TV shows, or completely socially awkward people, there's not much of a middle ground). But the only thing I can liken this cycle to is almost like the way some abusive relationships start out. Everything is sunshine and roses until the other person knows you're there for them and then BLAMMO, psychotown!

Apparently I am a lot of fun to be around, give good advice, am generous, etc. So I will make a friend. And for awhile we are quite good friends, maybe because I am usually willing to go along with any kind of escapade; I am VERY easily amused. Until something changes. Often it is because I have a full-time job (and often was the only one amongst my friends that had one), I am not always at everyone's beck and call. I can not stay out late and get completely hammered all the time. So slowly that person drifts to another "best friend" who will be there to drink with them all day (or whatever), or not question their ****ed up behavior when they are doing something completely self-destructive: (one such friendship ended when an ex-friend of mine who has Grave's disease stopped taking her medication because she was afraid it would make her gain weight, and she kept ending up in the hospital, I had the audacity to suggest that she take her medication and perhaps get counseling for an eating disorder (which she had when she was younger, had as an adult, and shockingly 5 years later has been admitted to the hospital once again for).

This kind of the chain of crazy that my friendships have been taking since about 2004 (I did not have this problem in college, I am still friends, albeit far away and not quite as tight with my college friends, but this friendship issue only happened when I moved to Boston where I didn't know anyone) . Basically my self-proclaimed best friend drops me for someone who won't question her (note: this ALWAYS only happens with a girl, my guy friends are all OK without constant attention) self-destructive behavior.

Except in one case where I had to stop talking to one of THEM because she just automatically assumed I was her property and she could order me around and be a total ***** to me and there would be no consequences. Which is partially my fault, but she is so Fluttershy-esque and self-effacing when she first becomes friends with someone that it was hard to say mean things to her. By the time I realized she was a completely selfish monster (the time in your friendship when you know that you can, without a doubt, rely on them) it was already too late.

I am fortunate, though, that in at least the past year (since jettisoning the aforementioned monster who kept me occupied with her craziness and neediness, and cutting down contact with a lot of the other people I find emotionally draining), I'm slowly making friends who are normal freaking people with actual morals and empathy for others. it's been a long slow road, and I do not 100% trust them quite yet because I just feel so emotionally battered by the crazy folk. Some I have met through mutual friends. Some I have met through online communities (I particularly have a few really good friends that came directly from the doll scene), so I am feeling a little bit more like leaving my house these days.

But fortunately some of those online communities ARE awesome, and folks always are willing to lend an ear. Because a lot of us know how you feel. Which might be why some of us turn to online communities instead of the people around us. it is NOT fun being a generous and loving person without having the safety of a net of friends behind you. It is in fact very detrimental to one's health. So hopefully your online friends help ease that a little bit.

But in addition to your online friends, I really hope that you can find at least one friend in real life, even if that person is not your best friend in the world; because we do as a social animal also need those nonverbal kind of communications that we don't even consciously recognize. Good luck! You seem just like you have your head on your shoulders a little too well for your age group, which will definitely be to your benefit when you get to college. I know that is small comfort now, but I promise it'll get better.

[BlindJester]

Thanks so much for your helpful words flutterscotch.

It may be a small comfort but it's very comforting comfort.

-hugs-

Thanks everypony for helping me realize that I'm not alone with most of my issues

[MyLittlePonyTales]

LnLKbc2hvxk

[BlindJester]

Oh my goodness. I loved that song Tales. Thanks for sharing<3

[MyLittlePonyTales]

Oh my goodness. I loved that song Tales. Thanks for sharing<3

You're welcome PaintedWings.