Carmana Posted July 8, 2012 Report Share Posted July 8, 2012 Roleplay Type:CrossoversName:Lightning 'Carmana' ShadowSex:MaleAge:ColtSpecies:*Alicorn*Eye colour:YellowCoat colour:Deep PurpleMane/Tail/Markings colour & Style:Yellow and black with the colors alter nating. style is a blade-like for bothPhysique:Skinny and quick. Strong despite him looking physically weak.Cutie Mark:A jagged edged circle with a slash down the middle that sticks out at the top and bottom. he got it from his survival skills and an incident that pushed his limits.Origin/Residence:Lives in the Everfree Forest where he was born.Occupation:Is currently a scavenger gathering supplies to build his steam creations.Motivation:He is motivated by revenge so he can avenge his lost family.Character Summary:he once lived happily with his mother ,Melody, a red Unicorn with sparkling green eyes who was a royal mage from canterlot at sometime, and father ,Brice, a strong and dedicated blue earth pony with an amazing sense of honor who was an engineer in ponyvile, and sister ,Sylvia, a yellow pegasus with one red and one blue eye, in the Everfree Forest. His parents met when repairs were needed to be done on the canterlot castle and Lightning's father was head of the team in charge of the heavy machinery. He was injured when a temporary support beam fell on him, it was Melody who had healed him with her magic. Melody and Brice fell in love and got married within the following year. After some years in Canterlot they decided to move to the Everfree to get away from city life and bond with nature, then years later Lightning was born. After about 3 years Melody gave birth to little Sylvia. One day many years later Lightning's parents went missing sometime after going to gather food and he stepped up to take care of his baby sister...there was no sign of them or there captors...only some disturbed earth and broken branches. his parents remain missing to this day and he is always thinking of them. one summer day ,while he and his sister were in their separate rooms relaxing, his home had caught on fire...he and his sister had been separated during the inferno and he had to use the scorched wreckage of his home to survive after by creating a masive metal structure that he uses as his home...he now lives in the darkest part of the Everfree to avoid too much unnecessary interaction with others as he is actually afraid that he might hurt somepony if he forms an attachment to them, though he wishes he could make friends and end his loneliness. as time went on he found he could use his unicorn magic to construct giant structures of stone wood and metal and devices such as trip traps to defend himself from the dangers of the forest, he also uses this skill to create weapons that he carries manely a sword and shield, though depending on factors such as material, size of the object, what the object is that he is trying to build, ect., it may tkae time to actually construct things. this earned him his strange cutie mark. He wears 2 golden bands on each leg...each band has an ancient black magical gem set into it, they help him focus his powers and glow differently depending on his mood, they were gifts from his mother. He has blamed himself for everything that has happened to his family because he thinks he could have done more and seeks out those who took parents and those who started the fire that destroyed his home. he also calls out for his sister everyday. He first appears cold and distant with no trace of emotion. but he is really a kind and compassionate pony who would give his life for his friends. he is meticulous and at the same time quick to act. he has a massive temper and an extremely short fuse but he will hold it inside if at all possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlisonRose Posted July 13, 2012 Report Share Posted July 13, 2012 Hello there Carmana, I would like to start out by saying that what of an app you have given us it looks rather well!As a writer though I would like to see if you could take all of your out of thought notes the (insert example here) and incorperate it into the actual story itself about your stallion.Also I was wondering if you would be willing to change how your unicorns magic works for him, and by that I mean change the fact that he makes "structures and devices" to perhaps be something more like:His unicorn magic burst forth from his horn and pulled and pushed the world into the shapes of walls, trenches, and even towers, in effect creating a small fortress in his dark corner of the Everfree Forest.Hope this helps!PS: I sure would LOVE to see more about this character if you could supply us as to more info about them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyLittlePonyTales Posted July 17, 2012 Report Share Posted July 17, 2012 How is this Application coming along? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyLittlePonyTales Posted July 19, 2012 Report Share Posted July 19, 2012 If a comment is not made saying you would like to keep this character, it will be removed in 5 days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carmana Posted July 20, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 im working on him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carmana Posted July 20, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 added stuff to his history Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boss_Hoss1 Posted July 20, 2012 Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 Looking good! I hope the mods agree. ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carmana Posted July 20, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 i hope so too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosewind Posted July 24, 2012 Report Share Posted July 24, 2012 Hi there -- sorry for the late response to this! I can tell you have been working hard to get this character ready for Mane RP. I have a few issues that you might want to look at and consider:he found he could use his unicorn magic to construct giant structures of stone wood and metal and devices such as trip traps to defend himself from the dangers of the forest, he also uses this skill to create weapons that he carries manely a sword and shield.How big would these structures be? I'm also worried that his use of magic to build such structures would not work for the game environment. If he used his magic to build a smaller structure -- like a hut or a shack-- within Everfree, I think that would be a workable compromise. How creative would these traps be? Would they cause serious injury, or just immobilize? Also the use of weapons in Mane RP is very limited, as their use is outside of the flavor of the Mane roleplay. Perhaps he might use a stick or some other creative way to defend himself?Remember that characters for Mane RP should be designed to be like you would actually SEE them in FiM, so please consider that as you make further changes. Don't give up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteelEagle Posted July 24, 2012 Report Share Posted July 24, 2012 Also, could you tell us more about his parents? It seems odd that a Royal Mage and Engineer would choose to raise a family in the most dangerous place possible. We generally discourage ponies from living there, especially families. Yet a huge part of his character seems to be based on having grown up there.And just remember that WoE attempts to emulate as best it can the feel and flavor of the show. Anything too dark or grim will likely not fly. So it may be best to tone down the general...tone...of the application, as it comes off as almost extreme. I really do enjoy the base of the character and hope to see this amended properly so it can move forward! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carmana Posted July 24, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 24, 2012 He doesn't build things too big or dangerous i assure you. And as for the weapons...they are manely because her likes midevil stuff...not for actual use...and i will explain about the everfree thing...but i can't really tone it down without feeling as though i have ruined him......please understand...thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosewind Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 If you are unable to tone down his abilities, as well as his use of weapons and the overall grim tone of the application, I'm afraid it will not be able to be finalized for play in Mane RP. I really would like to see some sort of compromise here, as I think he has a lot of potential for Mane RP instead of Crossovers.Think of it this way -- if you turned your television to Friendship is Magic, is this a character you'd expect to see on the screen as part of the story? Keep that in mind as you develop this application. If you have any questions or need any additional suggestions, feel free to ask. As a starting point, I suggest you find a way to make the Everfree a part of his story without him actually having to live there. Maybe he lost something important there, or he likes exploring the ruins? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carmana Posted July 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 i said i would explain and i promise i have a good explanation. please just give me a chance to iron out the kinks in this ok? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carmana Posted July 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2012 going away for a week so i might not be able to edit ok? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carmana Posted August 22, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 22, 2012 edited abit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lux Posted September 4, 2012 Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 Hello there. Your friendly neighborhood RP Helpstaff, Lux here!I like your character design. However, there are a few things to consider.1) You should try something other that having dead parents. Now you don't have to create separate apps for them, but try to think something else.2) Ponies don't typically settle in the everfree Forest due to the dangerous monsters that live within. I'd choose a different place to stay. If you're looking for a remote place, there's Appleoosa of Dodge City.3) Most ponies are sociable to a fault. While you don't have to know everypony's name, having a loner pony doesn't make sense with the show.4) You said that lights has two magical bracelets. What are their purpose?5) I see his talent is making metal structures. How does he do this and how big can he make them? Maybe instead of metal structures (as there aren't many in Equestris), he can easily build houses using natural materials like wood and such.You're almost there with this app! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carmana Posted September 6, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2012 his parents aren't dead just missing ...im actually going to make apps for them later so he can find them! the loner thing is just a defense mechanism basically...everypony has one of sorts right? the everfree is a big part of the character ...please understand that? and Lightning's 8 leg bands are magic in that they help focus his powers a bit and glow different depending on his mood. Nothing to powerful. And he uses his unicorn magic to build ...though depending on the structure itself, size, and materials used it can be a quick build or a long process. Ok? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lux Posted September 7, 2012 Report Share Posted September 7, 2012 Ok. The part of missing parents is fine. It's just that there have been lots of applications where characters have orphaned parents, so I want to encourage other means, but missing is fine.The loner thing is ok, with the stipulation that he is able to interact with other ponies. Same goes with the Everfree part. What I just want to make sure is this: you have a pony who is reclusive (living in the Everfree) and antisocial. As per show canon, you don't see many who are either and specially not together. So, if your pony is able to be social and able to visit other towns, then it's ok to have what you have in your app. I honestly am not a fan thought of him being in "the darkest part of the Everfree Forest to avoid meeting anypony." On an RP perspective too, that isn't good as to RP you have to be semi sovial and most ponies will not verture too far into the forest, especially into the heart of it unless extreme cases. So perhaps fixing that part to make him more social and less reclusive (able for ponies to visit and interact with him) then that's ok.I would also defer to Rose's comment above how you want to avoid mking too much of a grimdark character. Sure a pony can defend themselcves, but having what sounds like a cache of weapons and going around like Rambo is not really what the show is about.The magic bands are ok for focusing as long as tthey do not amplify Light's powers in any way.If you put the information that it takes time and that his magic is used to build structures rather than making them poof out of thin air, that that's ok. Adding the idea that it will take a shorter time to build a house with magic than just by hoof but still taking time will work ok.So those are the things I'd like tyou to take a look at and update, and I'll get your character then ready to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuickLime Posted September 7, 2012 Report Share Posted September 7, 2012 I understand that you don't want to soften this character by removing him from the everfree and I can deeply respect wanting to keep the original concept of a character! I went through a lenghty process of keeping one of my characters integrity in tact (Decibel Disc) but in the end I had to soften my vision to make him more Equestria friendly, However I did so in a way that is still exactly how I wanted him to be! I feel you are more than capable of keeping LCS's character in tact while making him more MLP like :3Just work on it and with the help of the staff They'll find a way to make both you AND them happy ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lux Posted September 11, 2012 Report Share Posted September 11, 2012 How's the app coming? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lux Posted September 14, 2012 Report Share Posted September 14, 2012 Hello. Please respond on your progress within 5 days or unfortunately this app will be locked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carmana Posted September 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 sorry been busy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lux Posted September 18, 2012 Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 Ok. Just checking on the progress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carmana Posted September 20, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 20, 2012 still working it out in my head honestly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosewind Posted September 23, 2012 Report Share Posted September 23, 2012 Any progress? If you need suggestions or input, please ask and it will be provided. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now