Pegasus Nightshade

[brianblackberry]

I mean I literally can't reply lol, it says that I can't reply to the topic

Oh I see why, because its in the RP section and you have to be part of the Roleplayers group to reply. You can tell me your thoughts here if you like and I can repost them there. Can you at least she the post?

[Vinyl Scratch]

Oh I see why, because its in the RP section and you have to be part of the Roleplayers group to reply. You can tell me your thoughts here if you like and I can repost them there. Can you at least she the post?

Yeah, I can see it, just can't reply lol

I personally think that your concerns are very valid, although most of them are based on the honor system, and perhaps a "checks and balances" system could be put in, a very basic one though. Like, we could watch out for other shadowbolts stepping "out of line" and stop them from doing things considered unruly (OOC wise) Also, I noticed that your background for the shadowbolts differs from mine, would my OC be the "businessman" that founded the shadowbolts?

[brianblackberry]

I personally think that your concerns are very valid, although most of them are based on the honor system, and perhaps a "checks and balances" system could be put in, a very basic one though. Like, we could watch out for other shadowbolts stepping "out of line" and stop them from doing things considered unruly (OOC wise) Also, I noticed that your background for the shadowbolts differs from mine, would my OC be the "businessman" that founded the shadowbolts?

Would you want him to be? I guess nothing says the businesspony who starts the Shadowbolts cannot be one him or herself

[Vinyl Scratch]

Would you want him to be? I guess nothing says the businesspony who starts the Shadowbolts cannot be one him or herself

Yeah I would I'm hoping my app gets accepted soon :3 I WANT TO RP SO BADLY are you guys waiting for people to comment on the public discussion thing?

[BlindJester]

Yeah I would I'm hoping my app gets accepted soon :3 I WANT TO RP SO BADLY are you guys waiting for people to comment on the public discussion thing?

Yes because we're not totally sure about the shadowbolts as of yet so we want the communities opinion first. The talk of shadowbolts has been moved to Questions and Suggestions(Accommodating for those who aren't RP members yet) section so please go share you thoughts there n_n

[Vinyl Scratch]

Yes because we're not totally sure about the shadowbolts as of yet so we want the communities opinion first. The talk of shadowbolts has been moved to Questions and Suggestions(Accommodating for those who aren't RP members yet) section so please go share you thoughts there n_n

How many comments do you think we need? It seems so far that the community likes the idea

[brianblackberry]

How many comments do you think we need? It seems so far that the community likes the idea

Not many, we just want a consensus and understanding what the Shadowbolts will be, then I just ask Manestream for her final green light and should be good to go with the concept.

[RCTwilightSparkle]

your tag says that this app is final but you may edit it later? is this app actually final or still WIP?

[Vinyl Scratch]

your tag says that this app is final but you may edit it later? is this app actually final or still WIP?

Totally final

[Vinyl Scratch]

Totally final

Hopefully I'll get accepted soon, especially since the Special RP this month would be PERFECT for Shadowbolt shows!

[RCTwilightSparkle]

Ok, a few comments about the app itself

Age - Your app lists this pony as a colt, but to even be considered for the Wonderbolts he would have to be a stallion. The Wonderbolts do not accept colts or fillies.

Rainbow Dash - Because OCs are not allowed to have pre existing relationships with the cast characters, this part of your app needs to be slightly adjusted. Its very possible you would remember seeing Rainbow Dash while the two of you were in flight school, but you cant word it in a way that would imply you two were friends. If the person RPing Rainbow Dash wants to initiate a past relationship through RP, saying something like "Hey, I remember you!" that's one thing, but you cant write a pre existing relationship into your application. You could change it to say something like "remembers Rainbow Dash from flightschool". Its a small change but it makes a big difference and comes across much better for RPs like this.

His Wonderbolt years - The way he was kicked off of the Wonderbolts seems a bit unrealistic to me, why after years of being on the team would they look into his past? and why would they kick him off just because he accidentally hurt a pony during JSFS and knew dangerous stunts? The way he's portrayed in his app it sounds like he was a great team player while on the Wonderbolts and as long as he wasn't doing dangerous or unscheduled tricks during shows I can't see why they would kick him off.

Maybe instead of being a well behaved Wonderbolt all the time he insisted on trying out dangerous tricks, either during shows or just for fun during practice? I could easily see a Wonderbolt being relieved of their position for something like that. Or maybe he decides to try something dangerous just one time and accidentally hurts a reserve member of the team?

You also talk about getting revenge against the Wonderbolts by making the Shadowbolts, please just keep in mind that the two teams do not compete directly. What exactly would the Shadoowbolts be doing to get revenge?

[Vinyl Scratch]

Ok, a few comments about the app itself

Age - Your app lists this pony as a colt, but to even be considered for the Wonderbolts he would have to be a stallion. The Wonderbolts do not accept colts or fillies.

Rainbow Dash - Because OCs are not allowed to have pre existing relationships with the cast characters, this part of your app needs to be slightly adjusted. Its very possible you would remember seeing Rainbow Dash while the two of you were in flight school, but you cant word it in a way that would imply you two were friends. If the person RPing Rainbow Dash wants to initiate a past relationship through RP, saying something like "Hey, I remember you!" that's one thing, but you cant write a pre existing relationship into your application. You could change it to say something like "remembers Rainbow Dash from flightschool". Its a small change but it makes a big difference and comes across much better for RPs like this.

His Wonderbolt years - The way he was kicked off of the Wonderbolts seems a bit unrealistic to me, why after years of being on the team would they look into his past? and why would they kick him off just because he accidentally hurt a pony during JSFS and knew dangerous stunts? The way he's portrayed in his app it sounds like he was a great team player while on the Wonderbolts and as long as he wasn't doing dangerous or unscheduled tricks during shows I can't see why they would kick him off.

Maybe instead of being a well behaved Wonderbolt all the time he insisted on trying out dangerous tricks, either during shows or just for fun during practice? I could easily see a Wonderbolt being relieved of their position for something like that. Or maybe he decides to try something dangerous just one time and accidentally hurts a reserve member of the team?

You also talk about getting revenge against the Wonderbolts by making the Shadowbolts, please just keep in mind that the two teams do not compete directly. What exactly would the Shadoowbolts be doing to get revenge?

Age - Fixed

Knowing RD - That's basically what I meant, they never directly spoke, he just recognizes her, and was curious as to why anypony (especially a pegasus) would be in the everfree forest.

Being Kicked Out - Again, although it wasn't directly inferred, he does act dangerously, that is why they did the BG Check, after his "danger level" began to climb too high.

Revenge - Simply outshine them I guess. Revenge doesn't always have to be physical

I'll go through it again and edit as needed

EDIT: Fixed some points

[Skye]

While this app is pretty good, I just have a few points that I'd like to cover. Some of them have already been discussed by now, but here are my thoughts on the application as it currently stands.

We can't have any prior relationships with casts in the applications, as this tends to encourage some very Mary-Sue relationships, as well as many conflicts of possible interest and personality in Roleplay. Thus, it's better to simply leave that out altogether in an app (though you can still build the relationship or imply it existed in an RP). Since it's merely a small sentence, I would suggest that perhaps during his training at JSFS, he happened to witness the race where Rainbow performed the Sonic Rainboom for the first time. As it's clear the Rainboom had an effect on the Mane Six, it's possible that it had an effect on other ponies as well who just happened to be in the background, so as a result he might have discovered a greater drive to perform that was merely latent before because of the Rainboom. In this way, he could know of Rainbow, without having to have a relationship with her previously in the school. This eliminates the Mary-Sue while at the same time opening a door for opportunity in the app later on.

The background check is a bit of a minor issue as well. I cannot believe that the Wonderbolts would simply accept an as-yet unknown into their ranks without knowing who a pony was. Their stunts are very impressive and risky as they are, they'd have to know they can trust a pony before accepting one into the squadron. This is partly why Rainbow's performance is such a great example, she's saved their lives, proven her reliability and her talent, which is very likely going to get her into the squadron simply on her own merits of happenstance, and not just because of her desire. In this way, Nightshade could also have the strong desire to join the Wonderbolts as Rainbow does, but being older than she, he had a little more time to practice himself. I would suggest that during his time at JSFS, he could have been part of a little clique of ponies that performed together, trying more and more daring stunts until one day when an accident resulted in the crippling of a pony and a scandal that resulted in the expulsion of a few others. He may have escaped this, though not totally unscathed and as a result it would show on his background check. However, in the years since, he would have made demonstrable attempts to improve his attitude and quality of performance, which gave the Wonderbolts a chance to take a second look at him and thus overlook his previous transgressions. But during a visit to a local donut shop, he could have been overheard getting a little enthusiastic about a stunt he was planning that, if executed properly, would propel his status from a mere wingpony to that of Captain. Yet this stunt, if even a minor mistake was made, could result in the serious injury or even death of a teammate. When confronted about it, he could become angry that they weren't willing to take the risks that the Wonderbolts were known for, and been unable to understand why they wouldn't, and as a result was stripped of his status and kicked from the team.

From there, he could move on, and living in exile in the Everfree Forest, one day overhear the conversation of Rainbow DAsh (Whom he still harbored a faint admiration for after her performance at JSFS) and the Shadowbolts, and finding it a prime opportunity to form his own flight group that would take the risks that the Wonderbolts would not. He may still not fully understand the conesequences (or understand them all too well) but finding the price well worth the payoff, and as such his group would strive to oneday overtake the Wonderbolts as the premier stunt team.

With these suggestions, you could eliminate the Mary-Sue while still leaving the door open for the background story you've created. Of course there may still be better ideas yet than this, but for the time being I'd recommend giving these suggestions consideration.

[Vinyl Scratch]

While this app is pretty good, I just have a few points that I'd like to cover. Some of them have already been discussed by now, but here are my thoughts on the application as it currently stands.

We can't have any prior relationships with casts in the applications, as this tends to encourage some very Mary-Sue relationships, as well as many conflicts of possible interest and personality in Roleplay. Thus, it's better to simply leave that out altogether in an app (though you can still build the relationship or imply it existed in an RP). Since it's merely a small sentence, I would suggest that perhaps during his training at JSFS, he happened to witness the race where Rainbow performed the Sonic Rainboom for the first time. As it's clear the Rainboom had an effect on the Mane Six, it's possible that it had an effect on other ponies as well who just happened to be in the background, so as a result he might have discovered a greater drive to perform that was merely latent before because of the Rainboom. In this way, he could know of Rainbow, without having to have a relationship with her previously in the school. This eliminates the Mary-Sue while at the same time opening a door for opportunity in the app later on.

The background check is a bit of a minor issue as well. I cannot believe that the Wonderbolts would simply accept an as-yet unknown into their ranks without knowing who a pony was. Their stunts are very impressive and risky as they are, they'd have to know they can trust a pony before accepting one into the squadron. This is partly why Rainbow's performance is such a great example, she's saved their lives, proven her reliability and her talent, which is very likely going to get her into the squadron simply on her own merits of happenstance, and not just because of her desire. In this way, Nightshade could also have the strong desire to join the Wonderbolts as Rainbow does, but being older than she, he had a little more time to practice himself. I would suggest that during his time at JSFS, he could have been part of a little clique of ponies that performed together, trying more and more daring stunts until one day when an accident resulted in the crippling of a pony and a scandal that resulted in the expulsion of a few others. He may have escaped this, though not totally unscathed and as a result it would show on his background check. However, in the years since, he would have made demonstrable attempts to improve his attitude and quality of performance, which gave the Wonderbolts a chance to take a second look at him and thus overlook his previous transgressions. But during a visit to a local donut shop, he could have been overheard getting a little enthusiastic about a stunt he was planning that, if executed properly, would propel his status from a mere wingpony to that of Captain. Yet this stunt, if even a minor mistake was made, could result in the serious injury or even death of a teammate. When confronted about it, he could become angry that they weren't willing to take the risks that the Wonderbolts were known for, and been unable to understand why they wouldn't, and as a result was stripped of his status and kicked from the team.

From there, he could move on, and living in exile in the Everfree Forest, one day overhear the conversation of Rainbow DAsh (Whom he still harbored a faint admiration for after her performance at JSFS) and the Shadowbolts, and finding it a prime opportunity to form his own flight group that would take the risks that the Wonderbolts would not. He may still not fully understand the conesequences (or understand them all too well) but finding the price well worth the payoff, and as such his group would strive to oneday overtake the Wonderbolts as the premier stunt team.

With these suggestions, you could eliminate the Mary-Sue while still leaving the door open for the background story you've created. Of course there may still be better ideas yet than this, but for the time being I'd recommend giving these suggestions consideration.

These are actually really good suggestions! I'll add them to the BG immediately!

[Vinyl Scratch]

These are actually really good suggestions! I'll add them to the BG immediately!

Added and accounted for, any more concerns?

[Vinyl Scratch]

I'm not trying to be hasty, but will I be accepted soon? My app is nearing it's second week of being idle (other than a few edits and suggestions) The public seems to like the idea, and I've been wanting to start RPing since I first signed up on Canterlot.com

[Skye]

I think we are going to need to have Manestream look at this to decide whether or not he will be fine. We have a few concerns but hopefully we will come to a decision soon.

[Vinyl Scratch]

I think we are going to need to have Manestream look at this to decide whether or not he will be fine. We have a few concerns but hopefully we will come to a decision soon.

Okay then, I'm hoping there will be a decision sooner rather than later, I know you admins are busy with the site and all, but it's no fun waiting

EDIT: Edited this post because I can't reply in this forum.

I've added some of Tales' suggestions, I hope I become a RPer soon

[BlindJester]

I'm going to approve this for now. Although I'm completely sure with this app as of yet, but I'll let Skye and Tales decide. Good luck n_n

[MyLittlePonyTales]

His parents were very protective of his well being, preventing him from really flying much

This seems... kinda contrary to the existence of a Pegasus.

I mean, that's like your parents telling you you can't go ride your bike because you might get hit by a car. Or that you can't try out for cross country because you could get kidnapped. Maybe I'm missing, but not allowing your Pegasus child to fly seems like... depriving them of food.

His parents were very strict, disallowing any flight practice that included anything considered "dangerous" to them; which tended to be most of the stuff he was interested in.

This part is okay. Now he's doing dangerous stuff, not just regular flying—so his parents have a reason to be worried.

After another couple years passed, and many tours had been had, the Wonderbolts did a background check on Nightshade that was long overdue after observing his increasingly dangerous behavior, and taking extreme risks during shows

I don't see the Wonderbolts as the type to wait on this sort of thing, no matter how good the Pegasus. You can omit this and just say his tricks got increasingly more dangerous around the Wonderbolts, and when they asked him to take it down a notch, he wouldn't. So, failing to respect their wishes, he was discharged from the Wonderbolts.

He donned his scarf and his outfit and set off to recruit more wandering pegasi to his cause...

I think you should add in that Nightshade found a sort of manager to head up the group, along his travels. Somepony with a few bits in his pocket got wind of Nightshade's idea and made it a reality, made the Shadowbolts a real and professional group. It's probably a system similar to what the Wonderbolts have—their manager sets up the gigs for them to perform and gets them anything they need for shows. Same thing with the Shadowbolts, except their show is very different.

It's just a suggestion, but I think it would be a good idea.

Also, as an aside so that you are aware—Nightshade has probably never personally met Spitfire, and maybe not even Soarin'. Spitfire and Soarin' seem to be just a couple years apart. Spitfire (as portrayed by her Roleplayer) is a fairly young member/leader of the Wonderbolts. Nightshade seems as old, if not older, than Soarin', at least. If Soarin' was even part of the Wonderbolts at the same time Nightshade was, he probably wasn't a leader then, but rather a regular member. Spitfire may not have been old enough to join at the time Nightshade was admitted.

So, while he may hold a grudge against the Wonderbolts, it shouldn't be personal, at least not against Soarin' and/or Spitfire.

[Skye]

Also, I would like to mention that brianblackberry is effectively our go-to guy for Shadowbolts lore at this point in time, he has written up some very extensive and useful information on their organization and so questions and instructions regarding them should be referred to him.

[RCTwilightSparkle]

This app is being moved back into applications because no edits have been made in several days.

[Vinyl Scratch]

This app is being moved back into applications because no edits have been made in several days.

Wait... yes there have, I even edited a post saying that I edited. Can you guys move this back? I can't post in that forum.

Not to sound impatient, but I waited two weeks to be moved to accepted then it gets moved back... That makes me kind of sad face. But I guess I understand.

[BlindJester]

Wait... yes there have, I even edited a post saying that I edited. Can you guys move this back? I can't post in that forum.

Not to sound impatient, but I waited two weeks to be moved to accepted then it gets moved back... That makes me kind of sad face. But I guess I understand.

Have you made the changes or considered the changes that Tales and Skye mentioned?

[Vinyl Scratch]

Have you made the changes or considered the changes that Tales and Skye mentioned?

Yes, I've made changes that both of them recommended.

So can I please be moved back to the approved apps? I waited two weeks for that and then it got moved right before everyone else got final approved. So I'm very sadface right now

Sorry if this makes me come off as annoyed, I'm not really annoyed as much as I am bored lol. I'm looking forward to RPing quite a bit