Jane

Whirligig sighed. There was fashionably late, and then there was her brother. He wasn’t scatterbrained so much as he was just disorganized. Case in point – he interrupted Luna’s speech, and he forgot to don a uniform before rushing into the factory. Idiot.So that was the first thing that annoyed Whirligig. The second thing was a few times worse. She listened attentively to the speech given by the army stallion that had somehow been put in charge of vaporization for the operation today. She very nearly groaned out loud as he began barking at them. He very rudely implied that none of them had any experience in vaporization before and that they wouldn’t be able to get this done, and treated the lot of them as if they were useless, weak children and not the mares and stallions that they were. Yes, it was going to be hard to get everything done on time, and yes, there weren’t nearly enough recruits here as there ought to have been, and yes, they very well may be doomed – but that was no motivational speech. Princess Luna had given a motivational speech. Colonel Pummel had given them an army drilling. Whirligig made a mental note to never, under any circumstances, join the army. She wanted Sugar Apple back in charge. Also, her headache was worsening and she couldn’t help but feel like she was forgetting something important. She made her way towards her station where she would be working with the others in charge of vaporization, and was displeased to see such a meagre gathering. As much as she hated to believe the words of the Colonel, she was starting to think he was right – they weren’t good enough and they would fail. Whirly herself surely wasn’t on top of her game today. She coughed loudly, pressing her hoof up to her mouth as she did. It was going to be a long day. But Cloudsdale needed her. The weather factory needed her. So she plastered a smile on her face and turned towards the Vaporization department, still lacking the usual spring in her step. ​

All looks good to me - you've done a great job of taking Tacobob's concept and making it into your own character. I see nothing overly objectionable here. Just to clarify, are you also okay with having Tawny as a nephew for the two of them?

Great work, it reads much more clearly now. Thanks so much for making the changes. The link to the picture 404'd for me, but as pictures aren't required I'm just going to pass this right along. Great work for a first application!

It is a bit short, but I feel it covers all the basics. Diamond Dogs are tricky because there isn't any board approved lore for them, all we have to go on is the show. That being said, I really like this character, and I look forward to seeing him in action! Sending up the food chain for approval.

Oh whoops, I didn't get my introduction post in. (I'm a bad RPer) Did you still want me to post something, Sandcat, or would you rather I hold off until the dating gets done?

Twilight is indeed best pony. Welcome to Canterlot, Lemony Snicket! xD

Hiya Gigabit! I'm Jane, and I shall be the RPH helping you out with your application! This looks like a great character so far - I've always had a soft spot for weather ponies myself, so let's get to seeing what we can do about getting Tempest Swift ready to fly in WoE, shall we? I think you're looking for 'Young Stallion' here. The phrasing of 'just turned' is a bit awkward. Could you please remove the comparison to Rainbow Dash? We like to see that our players know how to describe their characters on their own merit, without making comparisons to characters from the show. Could you also try to explore some of the other aspects of his life and interests? At this point all I see from Tempest is that he loves the weather. Does he have some other interests, quirks or personality traits that help define him? Also, please don't be afraid to include information about your OCs parents - an application is sort of like a biography for a character, so knowing who his parents are might help you, and others, to get a slightly better grasp of who he is. However, you probably won't ever need to use them in the RP (how many times have we seen Twilight's parents/have they played a major role in the show?) if that's the reason you're holding back on describing them - nine times out of ten, the parents never really come up in RP at all. The same goes for siblings and foalhood friends. I know you've got them grouped together, but I really think it would help with the organization of ideas if you separated the history and character summary. The history is about your OC's experiences, while the character summary is about your OC's personality so they don't really need to be merged into one topic. You're off to a great start! Let me know when you've made these changes and I'll give it another read through.

[colour=#5D361E]"As I came down through Trotting CityAt the hour of twelve at night Who should I see but the crystal pony Washing her hooves by candlelight"[/colour] Vanilla Latte never thought herself to be much of a singer, but she could carry a tune just fine and when business was slow she never hesitated to sing a song or two to herself as she worked. Though she liked music of all kinds, and was always getting a variety of local talents into the coffee shop to perform a gig or two, at this point in time she was infatuated with some of the more traditional tunes. [colour=#5D361E]"First she washed them, then she dried them Over a fire of amber coal In all my life I ne'er did see A mare so sweet about the sole"[/colour] She sang as she swept the floor, starting at the back of the shop and working her way towards the front door. [colour=#5D361E]"Whack for the toora loora laddy Whack for the toora loora lay Whack for the toora loora laddy Whack for the toora loora lay"[/colour] With great gusto and a bit of a jig, she swept the last of the dust out the door of the shop. As she did so, she noticed that the tables outside needed a good cleaning, so she grabbed the damp cloth from the pocket of her apron and went to work on them. [colour=#5D361E]"As I came back through Trotting City At the hour of half past eight Who should I spy but the crystal pony Brushing her mane in the broad daylight First she tossed it, then she brushed it In her mouth was a silver comb"[/colour] There were a few ponies rushing back and forth on Stampford Street and Tatterstall Drive, and Vanilla Latte was sure to wave at the ones she recognized, which were most of them. [colour=#5D361E]"In all my life I ne'er did see a mare so fair since I roa- Well, good afternoon then, 'arvest Moon!"[/colour] she called out, waving to the delivery pony. [colour=#5D361E]"Got the day off then?"[/colour] ​

Banner Credit: http://fav.me/d5c7kxo Twilight watched, stunned, as the young griffon tore the teddy bear to shreds. Right, claws and talons - she should have thought of that. She gave a nervous giggle. [colour=#002b54]"Careful with that, Razor,"[/colour] she said, a bit too late. At first, the foal seemed upset about the bear, but his attention was soon captured by the other toys Twilight had brought over with her. He curled up in the blanket and then stared up at Twilight with his bright blue eyes. Or maybe it was the book he was staring at.[colour=#002b54]"Razor, come over here and listen to the story,"[/colour] Twilight said to the griffon, as she got down on the floor next to Care. The book was a board book full of colourful pictures that Twilight was certain would capture the minds of the youngsters. She opened it up to the first page and began to read, hoping that the colourful pictures of the letters of the alphabet trying to climb a tree would amuse the two. [colour=#002b54]"A told B, and B told C I'll meet you at the top of the coconut tree!"[/colour] Reading was fun! Surely this would keep their attention. ​

In a matter of seconds, it seemed that every childhood memory he had of Sierra came rushing back to him in an instant as Hammer Spark approached his sister. Seeing the young dragon in the flesh felt a lot like taking a step back in time. She looked beautiful – for the occasion, she had donned a flowing cape of dark purple, appropriate attire for a dragon on such an occasion. When she rushed forward, Hammer Spark dropped all formalities and all sense of ceremony and pomp and allowed himself to be pulled into his sister’s embrace. There was nothing, absolutely nothing in the entire world quite like a dragon hug. [colour=#7f0000]“Oh, dear sister, I’ve missed you as well! You’re absolutely right; it has been entirely far too long since last we spoke,”[/colour] he said as they pulled back from one another’s embrace. ​[colour=#cc99ff]"You look rather cool and distinguished in that uniform, by the way. Not bad!"[/colour] she said, still grinning. [colour=#7f0000]“The uniform? Oh, this – isn’t it terrible? I do so dislike it. Give me armor any day; you know, I’ve never really been one for the pomp and ceremony of the army, and probably wouldn’t have bothered with tonight if you hadn’t agreed to come along.”[/colour] This was true, of course. They were all soldiers because they wanted to serve and protect their country, not because they wanted to get caught up in the ceremony and glamour of the military. Hammer strongly disliked those who romanticized the life of a soldier. [colour=#7f0000]“However, may I say that you look absolutely stunning in that cape, Sierra? It suits you perfectly!”[/colour]At that, the stallion turned back towards the red carpet that led into the castle ballroom – part of him wanted to introduce her to his friends, but mostly he just wanted to sit down and catch up with her on everything that she had done since they parted ways those several years ago. [colour=#7f0000]“So tell me sister, where have your adventures been taking you lately? I hear you’ve been travelling all over the wide, known world! It’s so strange to be back in Canterlot after gallivanting all over the place, isn’t it?”[/colour] ​

Late or not, Chibsy was determined to make at least some profits out of her afternoon at the marketplace. She also had an inkling that Derpy Hooves would be back sooner rather than later, and she really didn’t want to be around for that – even if Bon Bon did have a plan. So when the confectioner started gathering up her scattered boxes of treats, Chibsy took that as her cue to move along. It seemed like a rather slow afternoon in the market – she’d probably missed the morning rush and would have to work extra hard to make up for it – even BonBon’s sales seemed to be grinding to a halt. She was about to leave when a young and somewhat awkward Pegasus came to a landing near Bon Bon’s cart and asked about the whereabouts of a line. Silly pony, it was a slow morning. There was no line. Had Chibsy been in Bon Bon’s position, she probably would have scoffed at the foolish colt, but the bright and charismatic replied cheerfully. Yep, it was business as usual. Cherry Berry put the morning’s audition behind her – maybe next time. Meantime, her jamming business was successful, and she still had her balloon. Overall, she was rather accomplished, and pleased with her life as it was. Waving goodbye to Lyra and Bon Bon, and the brown Pegasus who was, as far as she could tell, contemplating where to wait in line, Chibsy hitched herself up to the cart and moved deeper into the Ponyville markets to set up shop for the remainder of the afternoon. [exit Cherry Berry] ​

Hiya! Welcome to Canterlot! Hope you find lots and lots of new friends here.

Hiya! Welcome to Canterlot! Hope to see you around the forum.

Pinkie Pie is best party pony! Welcome to Canterlot! :D

Heya! Welcome to our little corner of the net. Hope to see you around soon! Personally I'm always open to making new friends.

@Tacobob - I actually had no idea actually. I just went with stereotypical southern belle character, though. I shall have to look into that show!

Okay, I can finally say Miss Jubilee will also be in attendance.

Alright! Cherry Jubilee will be the 'host' in Dodge Junction!

!!!Beautiful!!! *sheds tear* I know you wanted constructive criticism, but I really have nothing. Quicklime, you are a star! (No pun intended)

Haha, not quite yet. It needs to be stamped by a Senior RPHS (someone with this badge under their signature/one of the users on this list) before it's 'approved.' I just give it a first revision, then someone more experienced gives it a second look. So glad you're excited to get started though.

Welcome again to our little corner of ponydom! Yay for more ponies who are enthusiastic about our RP!