Pegasus Thunder Storm [FINAL]

[Tornadopelt]

[Pegasus] Thunder Storm [FINAL]

Name: Thunder Storm

Sex: Male

Age: Colt

Species: Pegasus

Eye Color: Sort-of-dark blue? (in between blue and dark blue)

Coat Color: Yellow Ochre, may be dingy yellow ochre (as if barely under Discord's spell) due to soot

Mane/Tail: short, dark-grey mane and tail that's sometimes untidy

Physique: Not too skinny, slighty taller than most ponies, but still dwarfed by Princess Celestia

Cutie Mark: Mushroom Cloud. How he got it: Playing with fire.

Origin/Residence: Ponyville (Always been there, never moved!)

Occupation: Testing pyrotechnics for the Festival of Fire and selling other pyrotechnics for use anyday

Motivation: He's already living his dream! (He's known how pyrotechnics work from an early age, put some together, and BAM! Talent Discovered!) What keeps him going at his lowest point: He really doesn't have one! (the worst he'll get to lowest point is... well... tired.) And he likes getting up in the morn because of selling his devices!

Likes: Anything to do with explosives or fire, tornadoes (he gets that from his dad), and being a good friend and helper.

Dislikes: Ponies who think it's cool to be total jerks.

Character Summary: He was born in Ponyville and spent his early life examining pyrotechnics and reading books to find out how stuff worked. His parents are Chaser, who chases storms that the weather pegasi create, and Fire Flower, who works with Thunder Storm to help him with his pyrotechnics business. They see Thunder Storm almost all of the time, and have seen his achievements early on, like solving multi-digit math equations when he was a younger colt. And his cutie mark was gotten when he first started making his own pyrotechnic devices. He went through a lot of trial and error to get his first ten devices made, often making the chemical compounds himself, such as saltpeter. (Other times, he got them delivered by the EPS, or Equestrian Postal Service.) And that's why he has a smell of rotten eggs sometimes. After he made several, he learned the ins and outs of pyrotechnics, and after making multiple successful pyrotechnics in a row, realized that pyrotechnic making and testing was his hidden talent at a time when others usually don't have their cutie marks. To Thunder Storm, it means a strange affinity for explosives. But to other ponies, well, let's just say, sometimes he gets hogtied for a stray girandola. Yes, that has happened before, when a girandola went right into a veggie stand. No wonder why they're nicknamed "head for the crowd!" His main flaw is his social level, although it's hardly noticable, due to his likeable nature. And sometimes a stray girandola goes in the wrong direction and singes somepony by complete accident. In his own words, "I'm never making girandolas again until I'm more experienced at this." And thanks to failed devices early on, he has a few missing mane parts. One time, a 2-inch shell failed to leave its tube and blew up in his face. Immediately afterwards, he joked around, saying, "Am I missing an eyebrow?" And his life has its funny moments too, but even though he's liked by most, he doesn't have that many friends, so life is sometimes somewhat slow. Although he likes the professional life (mostly), he doesn't do much other than typical colt-and-filly stuff like playing games, camping under the stars, and drawing. Oftentimes, though, he finds himself doing those activities alone, and inwardly he wants friends to enjoy time with him more than anything in Equestria.

[MyLittlePonyTales]

Hey there! Please move [Pegasus] Thunder Storm [FINAL] instead of what you have.

[Tornadopelt]

Move to where, though? and is my application approved?

[Snowshoe]

S/He meant make the name [Pegasus] Thunder Storm [Final]

[MyLittlePonyTales]

Move to where, though? and is my application approved?

The title. Where it currently says, "WoE Application: Thunder Storm". You should remove "[Pegasus] Thunder Storm [FINAL]" from above the name and put it there instead.

[Tornadopelt]

Ahh...

[SunsetSombra]

In case you're not sure how to edit your title...

1: Press the edit button {next to Multiquote, on the post}

2: select 'show full editor' {next to the submit and cancel buttons}

3: you should see the title line - Replace what's there with [Pegasus] Thunder Storm [FINAL]

4: Press the submit button!

There, job done!

[Tornadopelt]

I was wondering if my application was approved yet.

[Xiee]

I was wondering if my application was approved yet.

You'll get a stamp of assessment first before it's approved, then its going to be moved to the accepted apps section. When the staff has a final look at it and sees nothing wrong, you'll get a seal of approval.

[Dio]

Hi, I just want to be sure you're certain on how applications are tagged and assessed. Making sure you read the rules will save both you and the staff a lot of time and effort and make it more enjoyable for all of us!

I noticed that you didn't list an RP type. This is very important as it determines what criteria we use to evaluate your application. Are you planning on playing this character in Mane RP, crossovers, or Free-for-All? As a reminder, Mane RP is the most strict, crossovers less so, and FFA is what it says on the tin. For more information on the roleplay types, check out our In Depth RP guide.

If your goal is Mane RP, you'll have to make a few changes to Thunder Storm before he'll be evaluated. First and foremost is his relationship with Rainbow Dash. We have a policy on the boards of disallowing previous relationships of OCs with cast characters. Now that isn't to say that Thunder Storm could never meet or make friends with Rainbow Dash, but they can't start out as "best friends." No OC gets a "free pass" to automatically be bestest buddies with cast characters. Relationships should be established through good RP and careful planning.

To me, his affinity for explosive situations, fire, and silliness is just fine, as is the trait of loyalty.

I have more of a nitpicky stylistic issue with your use of numbers in his character summary. There's a lot of extraneous numbers thrown in, seemingly as padding. The events are much more important than the numbers associated with them. Running numbers can become his schtick in RP, but it's unncessary in the application.

Finally, would you kindly bold the field titles (like Name or RP type)? This will make it much easier for both you and the staff to read and review! Looking forward to seeing some revisions!

[Tornadopelt]

OK, Will do. lemme guess: not approved yet?

[Tornadopelt]

Changes made! I ditched the numbers...

[RCTwilightSparkle]

OK, Will do. lemme guess: not approved yet?

When you are approved the character application will no longer be in the apps section, it will be listed under the accepted application forum. Your app needs to be approved first by a helpstaffer and then by a moderator, you'll see the stamps.

Changes made! I ditched the numbers...

Like Dio said you're going to need to remove all references to cast characters from this application before it can be approved for mane RP. Thank you

- RC

[Tornadopelt]

When you are approved the character application will no longer be in the apps section, it will be listed under the accepted application forum. Your app needs to be approved first by a helpstaffer and then by a moderator, you'll see the stamps.

Like Dio said you're going to need to remove all references to cast characters from this application before it can be approved for mane RP. Thank you

- RC

Excuse ME, but the reason I put Zecora in there is because she's the one who makes all the stuff in MLP FiM, so it would only make sense that Thunder Storm goes there! Where else would he get all of his pyrotechnic supplies? THE SKY?

[QuickLime]

There is no need for such hostility o_o

[Dio]

OK, Will do. lemme guess: not approved yet?

Reviewing and approval is an iterative process. It takes time to evaluate and critique applications and we appreciate your patience.

Excuse ME, but the reason I put Zecora in there is because she's the one who makes all the stuff in MLP FiM, so it would only make sense that Thunder Storm goes there! Where else would he get all of his pyrotechnic supplies? THE SKY?

There is no need to be rude. Thunder Storm could very well make the supplies himself if he has the methodology and materials.

Again, I must ask you what RP type you plan on playing Thunder Storm in. If it is Mane RP, it will have to conform to the world rules and standards for Mane RP. Telling us now whether you want this character to be in Mane RP, crossover, or FFA will clear up a lot of confusion and let us know which direction we need to steer you.

[SunsetSombra]

I also have to make a comment on this application:

Dislikes: Ponies who decide it's funny to mess with his friends! (He fiercely defends Rainbow with his life. One time he beat the snot out of Pinkie Pie for trying to turn Rainbow Dash into her next set of cupcakes)

This is Grimdark material, considering the source we all know you're referring to - it is not really relevant to the boards more friendly approach.

I would personally suggest that you remove and/or change it to something that suits the boards overall more lighthearted theme.

[Tornadopelt]

You have no Idea. Compared to Cupcakes, this is not even close to Grimdark.

[Tornadopelt]

Mane RP

[Tornadopelt]

Re-edited tio remove all grimdark and character references

[RCTwilightSparkle]

[Pegasus] Thunder Storm [FINAL]

Name: Thunder Storm

Sex: Male

Age: Colt

Species: Pegasus

Eye Color: Sort-of-dark blue? (in between blue and dark blue)

Coat Color: Yellow Ochre, may be dingy yellow ochre (as if barely under Discord's spell) due to soot

Mane/Tail: short, dark-grey mane and tail that's sometimes untidy

Physique: Not too skinny, slighty taller than most ponies, but still dwarfed by Princess Celestia

Cutie Mark: Mushroom Cloud. How he got it: Playing with fire.

Origin/Residence: Ponyville (Always been there, never moved!)

Occupation: Testing pyrotechnics for the Festival of Fire and selling other pyrotechnics for use anyday

Motivation: He's already living his dream! (He's known how pyrotechnics work from an early age, put some together, and BAM! Talent Discovered!) What keeps him going at his lowest point: Rainbow Dash! And he likes getting up in the morn because of selling his devices!

Likes: Rainbow Dash and anything to do with explosives or fire.

Dislikes: Ponies who think it's cool to be total jerks.

Character Summary: He was born in Ponyville and spent his early life examining pyrotechnics and reading books to find out how stuff worked. His parents are Chaser, who chases storms that the weather pegasi create, and Fire Flower, who works with Thunder Storm to help him with his Pyrotechnics business. They see Thunder Storm Almost all of the time, and have seen his achievements early on, like solving multi-digit math equations when he was a younger colt. And his cutie mark was gotten when he first started making his own pyrotechnic devices. He went through a lot of trial and error to get his first ten devices made, often making the chemical compounds himself, such as saltpeter. After he made several, he learned the ins and outs of pyrotechnics, and after making multiple successful pyrotechnics in a row, realized that pyrotechnic making and testing was his hidden talent at a time when others usually don't have their cutie marks. To Thunder Storm, it means a strange affinity for explosives. But to other ponies, well, let's just say, sometimes he gets hogtied for a stray girandola. His main flaw is his social level, although it's hardly noticable, due to his likeable nature. And sometimes a stray girandola goes in the wrong direction and singes somepony by complete accident. In his own words, "I'm never making girandolas again until I'm more experienced at this." And thanks to failed devices early on, he has a few missing mane parts. One time, a 2-inch shell failed to leave its tube and blew up in his face. Immediately afterwards, he joked around, saying, "Am I missing an eyebrow?" And his life has its funny moments too, like watching Wipeout on Thursdays whenever he gets the chance.

I'm sorry but you missed a few, these will need to be removed as well. Thanks!

- RC

[Tornadopelt]

THERE! DON'T APPROVE FOR ALL I CARE!

[Tornadopelt]

... sorry... but it's too late now... I probably lost all hope of being in WoE now

[Manestream]

... sorry... but it's too late now... I probably lost all hope of being in WoE now

Hey there Tornadopelt, I heard you were very anxious to have your application approved, so i'm here to come take a look at how I can best give you a helping hand. Lets see what we can do!

First off! I've read through the comments in the thread here, and i'm going to have to call this one like I see it- I see you are making changes to your application based on staff suggestions, but I am seeing a lot of places where you have missed making changes in your application, and only addressed a few of the concerns. The staff is here to help you develop your application, and we are all eager to help you succeed in this, but if you want to make your application ready for the Mane RP, we need you to very carefully address all of the changes suggested by the staff. Your responses are generally pretty short, so it doesn't help us to understand your thoughts, or what you have and havnt really changed. One of the key components to getting your application passed is that your able to communicate well with other users here and work creatively- and your responses are not helping us to understand your intent for your OC, or your thought process- I do see that there has been change to the app over time, but if you had gone into a bit more detail in your posts it would go a long ways to show me how best to help you.

I would love to see you get into the RP here, but for that I need you to be patient with my helpstaff and work with them to make sure that you are making all the changes needed. I know waiting can be hard, but they are here volunteering their time to help, and several of them have come in pointed out areas that your application needs careful expansion in to mesh with the Mane RP here. Their job is to make sure that each OC can mesh in a world of other OC's- so dont take their advice as critique to your creativity, instead try to understand that they are offering the the bridges needed to help guide your OC to the Mane RP.

I would urge you not to get frustrated, but instead take a moment to read over the helpful suggestions and areas they have pointed out that need adjustment to fit with our RP, and come back to it inspired. Ultimately, you can shorten the application process by familiarizing yourself with the general rules of the RP, and other applications that have been accepted in the past- and be sure to double-check to make sure you havn't missed any suggestions- that will hang up your application needlessly.

I see the premise for a great OC here, and I think this application could be accepted with the right tweaks in the areas that have already been pointed out. I do hope you will take the time to come back to your OC with a breath of fresh inspiration, and see it through to the RP- our goal is to help everyone succeed, but there are guidelines we have to navigate around to make sure the Mane RP remains consistant and fun for everypony.

Remember, we're not here to tell you no or break your app down- we're here to help build it with you. If you have any concerns or questions, or feel like you need help generating/adjusting ideas and your not sure how, feel free to PM myself. I do hope you will give it another chance

[Tornadopelt]

Definitely need help with this...