Dunder

[sorry... swamped from school... and personal business. I promise to try my hardest to post faster...] Dunder followed Fire's lead, bowing and all the formal polite gestured. He had to keep reminding himself that they respected the rank, not the pony. As Blueblood certainly wasn't worth Dunder's respect as of now. He followed the red mare over to the board. He didn't know what he was doing or much of where he was and he at least thought that Fire had either something to say, something to do, and an overall better idea of what to do than himself. And he was right. The idea of volleyball sounded pretty good right then. Not like there was much else to do. "Sure! We can play some volleyball, if they allow us ruffian middle class ponies...well, mostly middle class." He said and glanced at Fire, then at Muggo'. "And I'd offer too cook up some beans, rice, and corn but I'm paranoid we'll run out." He said. They never ran out of food before on an adventure, but they did run out of Equestrian food fairly quickly. After preparations, they went outside to play some Volleyball. And Dunder wasn't too bad, not the best, though.

Dunder couldn't do it, he just could not retreat. He gave out the order, but there was no way he could pull back now. First off, Midnight was still standing strong, and he definitely would not be the first to turn tail and gallop away. But the retreat was less of a full on gallop to get away as far as they could. It was more of a slight retirement backwards. The ponies giving up ground little by little... maybe instead of saying a contradicting order; it would be best if he just stood and fought. The mild revaluation along with plain fatigue causing him to get sloppy and fail to protect himself against a strike, He would probably be done for if Midnight hadn't had his back. Soon the ponies were joined by Muggo' and Dusty. The reinforcements meant that the ponies could certainly not retreat, they had to hold. The fear of them getting ran down and slaved again or possible worse was too much for him to think. He held his ground, "Nevermind the retreat order! Hold the line!" He called out above the sounds of the fighting to the dismay of the dogs. The sudden morale boost of the ponies pushed them over the edge. Some of the ill disciplined dogs began to retreat while the others fought, leaving the rest concerned because of even more dwindling numbers. "Keep it up, hold the line!" He said.

I always loved the idea of Equestrian martial arts. My ponysona is a master martial artist, and I study Renaissance European Martial arts. Pretty much, I can see ponies using people weapons with people methods of using them. We've seen in the show that ponies can move like people, and the best example being pinkie pie and even Rarity kicking Applejack in that gif. Also, in the show the royal guardsponies had spears, a weapon designed from people. It would be safe to guess that if they can grip a spear, they can grip a sword in their hooves. gripping a sword anywhere else would be kind of ridiculous. Neck movements aren't varied enough to have good defense or offense. Even attaching it to the hoof by some method could be somewhat harmful, as letting go of a sword and still being able to grip it tightly is important. Half-swording, or hammer gripping ( http://www.thearma.org/essays/Talhoffer/HT-Web_files/image014.jpg ) is important for blocking and getting through armor. Basically, I can see ponies gripping swords and spears and whatever other weapons in their hooves. Maybe some of the martial arts could be underdeveloped because of possible lack of war, but maybe search for knowledge and better understanding of how to use a sword has stopped it. I like to think that Equestrian martial arts are like European martial arts, just translated for ponies.

Some things still need some sorting out, your mention of specific plays and productions need to be substituted with something more general. Instead of mentioing specific productions like "Cats" and the "Maretrix" I would suggest just taking it all out and saying she performed as a professional dancer and actor for a bit.

MetalMushroom

Hi! ^^ Nice app going. I like this character a lot, she feels very real and personalized. Also, your use of vocabulary like "thespian" is also a nice touch Still, there are some holes that need some fixing in your application. 1. You explain a lot about her influences. Her families, why she is an actor and the like. What you're lacking in is how those influences affected her life and using that to develop her a little bit more. Was she reluctant to join her family's arty trade? Was she possible feeling obliged to? Why did she act instead of doing another job like being a waitress or working at a store? In your summary, you are talking more about her family than her. I would suggest explaining her fillyhood, explaining what conditions and how other ponies affected her life. Where she is now in terms of her job, lifestyle, happiness etc.; and where she hopes to go and how she feels about herself. Does she feel good about where she is at, or does she feel she can do better? 2. You are missing a cutiemark story. Explaining how and why they got their cutiemark is important to a character. Did she do awesomely in a play? Was she upstaged and felt bad? Either add it in the explanation of her fillyhood, or add in a separate section of her app. I can't wait to see this character finished. And remember to post when your application is revised.

Nice application. Interesting to see another fast flying pegasus. The concept of a small body for fast flying is a rather original concept and I like it ^^ THough, some few things are wrong with your app. Some big, some small... 1. Main problem with your app is that your cutie mark story relies heavily Skydancer's relationship with Cloud Kicker. Previous relationships with cast characters are against the OC rules. A name change should suffice, instead of being a cast character, change it to just another pony who was her friend. 2. I would suggest a revision and reread. Your Use of "omg" is out of place and could be substituted with "Oh sweet Celestia!" or something of the sort. Also your use of 'foal' in the cutiemark story is misused. Rather "fillies and colts" or "young ponies" would work. 3. You mention the outcome of her interest in acting and dancing. More information on how she got there and why would be helpful. Was she interested in plays since she was a filly? Did she perform in one and felt upstaged and wanted to be in the limelight? Other than that, it looks fine. ^^ Rememebr to post when you've edited!

Dunder turned to Swift as the unicorn stallion spoke. A smile came across Dunder's face as he listened to swift, the pony sincere in what he said. "Don't worry about it. I was all good. I wasn't the pony who fell down a hole." He said with a chuckle. "Anyway, I'm not tired, just a little anxious. You look okay, though." He said. The stallion was looking more healthy than anticipated. Maybe Dunder was freaking out too much... He turned back to Fire as she spoke, getting nuzzled by her made him smile nervously and blush a little. When she gave him the kiss on the cheek, he returned it with a small kiss on the lips. He backed off with her and listened, making sure the paramedics wouldn't talk about how the two ponies were too busy being all lovey to move and let them work. "Well, I'm glad you did too. It was really nice to see you again! And for us to make a new friend..." He said and took a glance over at Swift. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Dunder sat there, thanking Swift when his pizza was served to him. He wasn't sure why this pony who was practically sitting on a pile of bits bought pizza. Maybe this pony was more in touch with common folk than Dunder thought... He ate his pizza slice silently and listened to Fire talk. She was so full of stories it was ridiculous. "I doubt that a kid could summon a chaos god." Dunder said to Fire, "But, actually, what was in the room?" He asked, curious as to what could have burned him.

Dunder noticed that Muggo' was following what were supposed to only be guards. He wouldn't oppose. Muggo' was just as much of a guard as either of them, he just didn't have fancy armor or a rank. In fact, if Blueblood opposed Muggo's presence, Dunder would definitely speak on the earth stallion's behalf. He had as much right to be there as Fire or Dunder. Dunder was relieved to hear that Blublood at least seemed to want Muggo' there. He could tell that there was more to it, but he also knew the unicorn stallion wouldn't speak on it anymore. Now Muggo' was their employer's assistant... good enough. After all, Muggo' didn't seem to mind. On that matter, the pegasus didn't say anything either. He wanted to be like Fire. Mostly because she was an actual guard and knew what she was doing, but also because he wanted to not make himself look like an idiot. Dunder trotted on the other side of Blueblood at Fire's pace to keep uniform and look professional. AS they made their way to the control cabin, he began to wonder how long it would take them to get to the Unyasi. He didn't want to stay on this fancy hunk-of-junk flying machine for too long with all these ponies who can't fly. And nopony knew what would happen to them, Celestia forbid get attacked in the air. He tried to remain looking the proper determined guard look for Fire mostly.

Dunder smiled at the nice gesture. Ice giving the cute little filly some ice cream on the house was something that, even expected, was still a reminder as to why he loved her. The unicorn mare then went lightly into her past a bit. A story he knew all to well. Since about the first time the ponies met he knew the depressing story about her past in Canterlot. Although, her views changed mainly from Dunder and her talking about the ponies. He was glad to see the mare evolve from a hateful mare into an accepting and sweet one. Also the story on Rarity he knew. He wasn't going to bring up that he gave Ice money to buy shelter and food, and that she used the money to pay for a dress instead. The stallion just sat in the seat and looked at the females go back and forth about whatever the topic was on. Mainly enjoying just listening to the mares get along well. Until the filly mentioned his name and Docket... just the name of her by the filly and with Fire and Ice around made his heart start to race. He looked up at the filly, beginning to look nervous. HE began to feel more relieved as the subject switched more to her brother... "Nope, I've never met Docket's brother..." He said, then swallowed. The name feeling odd on his tongue, "I actually haven't spoken to her much." He admitted, hoping that Ice wouldn't inquire. "And I'll be sure never to mention Rainbow Dash around that stallion." He said and chuckled. "And I was hoping we could go out to trot around Ponyville." He said

What if someone can't read it because they can't read English? Are they a horse?

Awesome soldier ponies. And Latin sun reference. Latin is one of the coolest languages ever, in my opinion. And the sun is awesome as well. You get a 10/10

Dunder curled up on his bed and got comfortable, facing away from the other ponies as he tried to relax on the amazing feeling bed. It had been a while since he had his own bed that wasn't a sleeping bag on the ground. He was just getting settled when Muggo' ripped out the blade, making the hairs on the back of the pegasus stallion's neck jump up. He sat up and looked over at Muggo' in time to see him comment about the sword's age. Dunder smiled, "Pfft! You're only a few years older than me... I think." He said and scratched his head. He actually wasn't too sure about the green stallion's age. Dunder listened to fire comment about his armor. It was light, but he wasn't sure how clean it was going to stay. Dunder wasn't afraid to get down in the mud. Like the time the trio marched through muddy mountainside through 2 hooves high of mud for a few days. He was thinking of a response for Fire when the announcement came. He hopped off the bed with a brief moment of lightheadedness from getting up so fast. He got up beside Fire and trotted along with her, "come on! We need to move, it'd be bad to disappoint Blueblood this early." He said as he galloped off toward's Blueblood's room.

Dunder chuckled, his heart thundering and his legs shaking from the nervousness of the kiss. This was one of the few times he'd kissed a mare, and one of the few times it was a pony he actually didn't know too well. She was very pretty, though, and well built. He took a deep breath, "Yeah...." He said and swallowed. "That was.. nice." He said sheepishly.

Dunder stood there, not looking at Midnight. He couldn't now, she had become the teacher and was his guardian through this. Her eagerness wasn't something that he could match and was ashamed for it. Her wisdom and obvious ethics on the matter reminded him he wasn't in the best position to lead. The idea of a change in leadership preventing it all now plaguing him. She advanced, taking the lead. No way by Celestia's mane was she going to stand alone! He stepped up beside her, standing taller this time, but what she said last threw him off, "Wait, you have a daughter?" He asked before the dogs and griffons were too close for comfort. They clashed, a dog attempted to punch Dunder, but the pegasus was too quick. He slapped the punch away and returned one himself with a pommel strike to the forehead of the dog, sending him back. fortunately it gave him room to keep the others at bay with the tip of his rapier. The undisciplined diamond dogs were too scared to move up, and the griffons hadn't burned through their canon fodder enough to strike themselves. The terrain was in their favor, the two ponies could hold them off for the cave funneled to a choke point, but if pressed the line of defense would break. Dunder was getting attacked, but parrying and countering one after the other. Each blow delivered with precision, but there were too many. A wall of angry, hungry diamond dog backed by deadly discipline and training of griffons. After a few attacks repelled, the stress and mental fatigue was getting to the pegasus. His mouth overtook his mind as his face quickly slipped to a wavering expression of courage, "Rout!" He called out over the clashing metal and yells of dogs, "Retreat! Rout!" He cried, but didn't obey himself. He stood and kept fighting alongside Midnight.

Above them, there were the echoing of approaching hoofsteps. They were all in full gallop. At least a dozen of them approached the hole, Dunder's voice leading. "This way! He's over here! Watch your step he fell in a hole!" Dunder called back as his voice grew closer and closer. Soon he was over the hole entrance, looking down at the ponies. He looked back, "here! Held us down here!" He jumped down, flapping his wings softly to go land beside them, soon he was followed by a few pegasi and a couple unicorns being carried down by the pegasi. All had red shirts on and white baseball hats clad with a red cross. Dunder landed quickly and hugged Fire, he looked at Swift and asked, "How are you holding up? Sorry it took so long... I had to find the cursed hospital!" He said and sighed, "But they are here now... and they are here to help. Good thing it's free." He chuckled as the medical ponies began doing their thing to try to help Swift.

Dunder could tell that this blonde unicorn was pretty angry. Dunder hoped that he'd calm down or else he'd have to smack this pony around a couple times. Then again, this pony was pretty useful. At least seemed useful. And had a better grasp on what was going on than Dunder. When Dunder got his order, he gave the other pony a stern look. "Alright." He said before flaring his wings and started to hover. He didn't really know where he was going, but time wasn't a luxury the ponies had right now. He took off, flying back to the wreckage. The cold air didn't make him want to fly for long in fear that he could cramp up and get hurt even more. Or worse, not be able to help out these twins. After a bit of flying around the wreckage, he could see what he thought he was looking for. Dunder dived down to the charcoal grey unicorn stallion standing over a similar colored mare. These HAD to be the twins. The pegasus pulled up, pulled his wings close and landed heavily on the ground next to the two ponies. The sight of the mare made his heart skip a beat. She looked as if she was lost by the blood, but no way was Dunder at least not going to try. He trotted over slowly. What were his orders again? Dunder couldn't remember, but it looked as if there wasn't too much he could do... maybe watch over her. He looked up at the unicorn stallion, "Go, help the unicorns hold up the wreckage." Dunder said and swallowed, "I'll watch her..." Dunder said softly. He laid his saddlebags down on the ground and started to rummage through them. Nothing much could really help with the bleeding, all he found was an old kerchief, crumpled at the bottom of the saddlebag. He quickly bundled it up and pressed it onto the mare's head wounds in hope to help stop some bleeding.

Dunder's body was pushed along with his hoof. This earth stallion was intimidatingly strong, but Dunder knew that's why he lost. Too much reliance on brute strength and not enough on acting smart. Still, Dunder heeded the stallion's words. They were a little overly angry, but Dunder was going to try to act calm this once and ignore the pony's rudeness. When the stallion smacked the door open, Dunder took a deep breath and trotted out after him. "Uhhh...sure! Well, you'll need to tell me where everything is and what he looks like because I have no idea." Dunder said to the stallion.

Count me in. Not sure which pony to use though....

Dunder smiled back just as snerky when Ice telekinesis floated the ice cream scooper. He gave her a small kiss on the nose as he trotted past her and back around the counter, quickly untieing the apron with his mouth. He sat down on one of the tables again, stretching his legs and wings while listening to Fire and the little filly talk about the Ice Cream, then listening to Fire throw in her remarks about how the filly shouldn't be eating so much sweets. One thing he noted was that the filly was able to manipulate Fire into at least getting whipped cream on the ice cream, which was good business for Ice. When Fire asked about meeting one of Celestia's heroes, Dunder nodded and smiled. "Yep! I met Rainbow Dash. Once we helped stop a fire in the everfree, back before I met either of you. Then I saw her again at Winter Wrap up. And that's it." He lied. In fact, he kissed Applejack. One of his first kisses, and one of his favorite.

Dunder tried not to blush or take notice to Muggo's remark about his 'starn' and it's shininess catching a mare's attention. Still, he hoped to nopony's notice, he glanced around hoping to catch a sight of said mare. To his suspicion, he could't find her. Not like it would matter anyway. As he followed out to the dock with Blueblood, Dunder glanced around. Everything was so fancy... and it was to be his last memory of Equestria for a while. Soon, they would be off and headed for the Unyasi on this flying hunk-of-junk. Unicorns should just not fly, it made the flying feel less real and less fascinating being on an airboat. He'd much rather have his wings and legs take him places, but these unicorns and earth ponies made him feel like one of them sometimes. Of course, there was always his best friend pegasus buddy forever, Fire Walker, who made him proud to be a pegasus and happy to be closer to her. When they got on and were led to their fancy cabins, the sight of Blueblood's cabin made him want to leave. He didn't need to put up with what he knew what was coming. Fancy pony showing off their fancyness and wealth by acting to an awesome room the same way Dunder would act to a small room with only a bed and toilet. As they were led down, he knew they were going to have separate rooms, but he was still a little disappointed his suspicions were true. He loved staying up late and talking with Fire and Muggo'. And when Muggo fell asleep, Dunder and Fire would make fun of his snoring and share stories and memories and thoughts on certain things. The best part was that Fire agreed with him, he smiled as she didn't and nodded, "Yeah... but we'll just be across the hall incase widdle Fire gets lonely." He teased and pat her mane. "I'm just going to put my luggage in a corner and probably lay down on the bed. You can join us if you want." He said to Fire as he turned to trot into the room. He kept the door wide open, almost inviting. He grabbed his only bag and tossed it beside his bed and hopped on the bed, laying down with a smile on his face.

The pegasus stallion wasn't very sure what Swift was trying to do. Was he trying to help, or was he trying to sabotage the mission? His way of helping was odd, by scaring all the ponies with this nonsense on pirates. He understood that Swift was worried and why he was, but Dunder didn't think he had the right to scare off ponies like that. Especially with things like this. He wasn't a pegasus like the rest of the crew who flew over the Everfree regularly. But still, Dunder listened to his unicorn friend, and when he was done, Dunder nodded. "I understand. You just want nopony to get hurt. But some of these ponies know the risks and are willing to risk getting hurt for pay. Please, if you want to help, try not to help. Now, we can just get these supplies and go back?" He asked Swift.

Dunder stood up straight, feeling his heart race. He had been in many fights, but in only a few fights where his life were on the line. But Midnight's presence reminded him he wouldn't be alone this time, at least. Also she was trained and experienced, they definitely were going to put up at least some of a fight, if he could keep them choke pointed. "Just remember, we can't let them surround us at any cost..." He said, not looking at Midnight, "We get flanked, and I'm not sure what would happen then." He stopped talking, he was beginning to scare himself. Then the griffons and diamond dogs came into sight. Dunder got on his hindlegs and drew his sword, putting one of them behind the other and getting most of his weight on it. He took in a deep breath, "We'll be fine..." He said, more to himself than anypony. His face was etched with worry. The sight of the griffons and diamond dogs was making him waver already. They all looked thirsty for blood. He closed his eyes, trying to regain his composure and trying to not freak out from the sight of the fight-thirsty dogs and griffons. MEANWHILE.... The other miner dogs weren't paying at all much attention to the newly arrived ponies. They thought if there was a reason to freak out, they would have been told by now. Anyway, these ponies were minding their own business. As long as they didn't bother any of the dogs, the dogs wouldn't bother them.

Dunder lsitned to the conversation idly as he picked up the smoothie, now melting, from the floor. He was not really concerned with the ice cream store that closed down, instead he was thinking about how he could make this all up to Fire and Ice. Maybe he could take them both shopping and buy them stuff? He didn't know...maybe he was a terribly boyfriend. Still, he listened to them both. Even though he didn't know much what they were talking about, Fire's anecdotes were often well told and interesting. So, he just listened in. When he heard a filly at the door, he looked over and saw a filly bounce in and Fire call her Wind Walker... he remembered the filly. He watched the filly bounce in and seat herself and demand ice cream. When she addressed Dunder, Dunder grinned and stuck his tongue out at her, "Heh... your sister says a lot about me, I know." He said as he moved over and put on an apron. "Sure! I can get you some ice cream." He said happily. He loved Fillys and colts, especially when they were cute and not bratty. He glanced around the counter... "Now..where is the scooper thingy." He said, checking around and moving stuff over.

Dunder Blust was listening to Fire, an amused smile creeping across his face as she spoke of a ridiculous looking costume. "Yeah! All the criminals will take us seriously with a cape and tights. I don't think I should weir tights..." He said, his mind wondering off at the thought before it getting cut off by the alarming sound of what sounded like a sack of potatoes hitting the ground solidly. He took off with her, hoping the sound didn't mean Swift was in trouble. "And you got it, Fire Lady!" He said, joking around until they found the pony down the hole. His heart dropped. He was in denial... that wasn't Swift, right? Swift owned this house! Ponies lived in it? What is this anyways? His zoning out was broken when Fire practically screamed at him. He nodded, galloing off, then out the door to get some help.